U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Adoption
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 12-17-2012, 08:03 PM
 
42 posts, read 38,939 times
Reputation: 66

Advertisements

Has anyone else here read The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler, or seen the film A Girl Like Her, also by Fessler? I was able to see the film over the summer. It wasn't terribly different from TGWWA, but still made a impression. There was also a panel discussion which included one of the moms featured in the book.

The stories told are eerily similar to what my natural mom experienced. It's really sad, but I'm so thankful I went into reunion with this information so it didn't come as a shock hearing it from her. I feel like it made me have a much more realistic understanding of what happened and gave a stronger foundation for reunion than if I hadn't had this awareness.

My adoptive mom has also recently read the book, and it has led to some good conversations.

Anyone else?

Any other books you found helpful?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 12-18-2012, 06:17 AM
 
393 posts, read 503,796 times
Reputation: 440
I read "The Girls Who Went Away" by Fessler a few years ago and it was heart breaking - I have only seen the trailer of the movie but hopefully will be able to see the full movie/documentary. I was also thankful that although my mother was subjected to the same societal mores, she didn't have to endure living in a maternity home. I have often wondered why my other family didn't chose that as they lived in an area with several maternity homes of their religion. I think perhaps it was the cost of housing that made them choose the alternative they did. I had to be adopted out, then I am glad they chose the alternative, because otherwise I wouldn't have been adopted by mom and dad - if that makes sense.

I have read "The Primal Wound" by Verrier and found it very interesting and parts validating and that itself helped. I couldn't get into the sequel "Coming Home to Self".

I am interested in the historical books on adoption. "The Baby Thief" - by Barbara Bisantz Raymond about Georgia Tann and am now reading "The Butterbox Babies - New Revelations 15 Years Later" by Bette Cahill (think that is the correct title). Both of those stories chronicle how, and why, the adoption laws and practices changed in the middle of the last century, both in the US and Canada. The chronicles of the fight by the hero's that shut those evil people down, the cross border baby trade - both illegal and legal that happened as well, is part of The Butter Box Babies, and yet is little known in the US.

"Being Adopted - The Lifelong Search for Self" by Brodzinsky, Schechter, Henig is excellent and every parent should have it.

I want to read "Family Matters - Secrecy and Disclosure in the History of Adoption" by E Wayne Carp and is on my list of books to read next, and I do want to delve into the books on the Orphan Train Riders. I have read parts in google reader of Father Brady's book written in the 30's? about the Catholic role in the Orphan Trains, and Foundling homes - the policitics between the Protestants and Catholics during that time. I would love to get a copy of the book and may try to find one.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-18-2012, 06:50 AM
 
11,151 posts, read 14,124,494 times
Reputation: 18795
The only adoption book I've read is The Primal Wound. Parts of it were interesting, but I just couldn't connect to most of it. I'm sure it's valuable to many adoptees, but it wasn't "my story."
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-18-2012, 07:26 AM
 
42 posts, read 38,939 times
Reputation: 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark of the Moon View Post
The only adoption book I've read is The Primal Wound. Parts of it were interesting, but I just couldn't connect to most of it. I'm sure it's valuable to many adoptees, but it wasn't "my story."
Was that more because it didn't reflect the circumstances of your adoption, or because you didn't relate to the issues addressed in the book?

I read part of it a long time ago - don't think I even finished it - and didn't relate at all. All my adoption stuff was pushed so far down I had no idea it was even there. I'm not sure exactly what my thoughts would be today, though I think it would reflect more of my thoughts at this point. I should probably read it again just even for the sake of discussion.

Quote:
(Artful Dodger) I am interested in the historical books on adoption. "The Baby Thief" - by Barbara Bisantz Raymond about Georgia Tann and am now reading "The Butterbox Babies - New Revelations 15 Years Later" by Bette Cahill (think that is the correct title). Both of those stories chronicle how, and why, the adoption laws and practices changed in the middle of the last century, both in the US and Canada. The chronicles of the fight by the hero's that shut those evil people down, the cross border baby trade - both illegal and legal that happened as well, is part of The Butter Box Babies, and yet is little known in the US.
I haven't heard of either of these, but they sound fascinating. The things Georgia Tann did are so horrid.

I have "Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self" . I have a mixed reaction to it I guess. The writer at The Declassified Adoptee blog did an indepth review series on it while she was reading it, which I'd like to go back and read.

I haven't read any BJ Lifton, and probably should, just because...it's BJ Lifton.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-18-2012, 07:40 AM
 
393 posts, read 503,796 times
Reputation: 440
Quote:
Originally Posted by adopteeWPD View Post
I have "Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self" . I have a mixed reaction to it I guess. The writer at The Declassified Adoptee blog did an indepth review series on it while she was reading it, which I'd like to go back and read.
I like the book because it clearly explains the cognitive stage/reasonaing stage a child is at and the questions, feelings, and understanding of adoption that may arise at that stage. It also explains how the adoptee's feelings mature, evolve, change over time. I do think it is good for parents because it isn't written in emotion laden words but provides info that validates the feelings of the child. I don't think it would be of much benefit to an adoptee per se - more for the parent who has no adoptee experience. KWIM?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-18-2012, 08:16 AM
 
42 posts, read 38,939 times
Reputation: 66
Quote:
Quote:
Quote: Originally Posted by adopteeWPD
I have "Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self" . I have a mixed reaction to it I guess. The writer at The Declassified Adoptee blog did an indepth review series on it while she was reading it, which I'd like to go back and read

I like the book because it clearly explains the cognitive stage/reasonaing stage a child is at and the questions, feelings, and understanding of adoption that may arise at that stage. It also explains how the adoptee's feelings mature, evolve, change over time. I do think it is good for parents because it isn't written in emotion laden words but provides info that validates the feelings of the child. I don't think it would be of much benefit to an adoptee per se - more for the parent who has no adoptee experience. KWIM?
That does make sense to me.

Maybe that's what I didn't like about it. It seemed so clinical about something that was deeply painful to me. I wanted to toss it across the room! lol But I I can also see how it could be much easier for a parent to read something that isn't written from an overly emotional perspective -- no parent wants to think of their child hurting.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-18-2012, 09:01 AM
 
11,151 posts, read 14,124,494 times
Reputation: 18795
Quote:
Originally Posted by adopteeWPD View Post
Was that more because it didn't reflect the circumstances of your adoption, or because you didn't relate to the issues addressed in the book?

I don't remember at this point -- guess I'll have to go back and re-read it!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-18-2012, 01:51 PM
 
Location: New York State, USA
142 posts, read 211,394 times
Reputation: 173
These books were valuable to me:

In Search of Origins: The Experiences of Adopted People by John Triseliotis, 1975

Lost and Found: The Adoption Experience by Betty Jean Lifton, 1979

Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness by Betty Jean Lifton 1994

The Adoption Triangle: Sealed or Opended Records: How They Affect Adoptees, Birthparents, and Adoptive Parents by Arthur D. Sorosky, MD, Annette Baran, MSW, Reuben Pannor, MSW, 1978

Birthmark by Lorraine Dusky, 1979

Death by Adoption by Joss Shawyer (New Zealand), 1979

I Would Have Searched Forever by Sandy Musser, 1979

What Kind of Love is This? by Sandy Musser, 1982

To Prison with Love: The True Story of an Indecent Indictment and America's Adoption Travesty by Sandy Musser, 1995

The Other Mother by Carol Schaefer, 1991. This book became a made-for-TV movie by the same name, which is still shown as re-runs on Lifetime.

Shedding Light on The Dark Side of Adoption by Marsha Riben, 1988

The Search for Anna Fisher by Florence Fisher, 1973

Orphan Voyage by Ruthena Hill Kittson (Jean Paton), 1968

The Adopted Break Silence by Jean Paton, 1954

Jean Paton, adoptee and social worker, founded Orphan Voyage, the first organization for adoptees, in 1953, thus, she founded the American Adoption Reform Movement, which spread throughout the world.

Florence Fisher founded Adoptees Liberty Movement Association (ALMA) in 1973.

The American Adoption Congress began in 1976 or 1978.

There is another book out by Mirah Riben (she changed her name), but I don't have it and don't know the name of it. It takes an investigative look at the abuses of the adoption industry.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-18-2012, 04:36 PM
 
1,879 posts, read 1,857,322 times
Reputation: 1462
Quote:
Originally Posted by Artful Dodger View Post
I read "The Girls Who Went Away" by Fessler a few years ago and it was heart breaking - I have only seen the trailer of the movie but hopefully will be able to see the full movie/documentary. I was also thankful that although my mother was subjected to the same societal mores, she didn't have to endure living in a maternity home. I have often wondered why my other family didn't chose that as they lived in an area with several maternity homes of their religion. I think perhaps it was the cost of housing that made them choose the alternative they did. I had to be adopted out, then I am glad they chose the alternative, because otherwise I wouldn't have been adopted by mom and dad - if that makes sense.

I have read "The Primal Wound" by Verrier and found it very interesting and parts validating and that itself helped. I couldn't get into the sequel "Coming Home to Self".

I am interested in the historical books on adoption. "The Baby Thief" - by Barbara Bisantz Raymond about Georgia Tann and am now reading "The Butterbox Babies - New Revelations 15 Years Later" by Bette Cahill (think that is the correct title). Both of those stories chronicle how, and why, the adoption laws and practices changed in the middle of the last century, both in the US and Canada. The chronicles of the fight by the hero's that shut those evil people down, the cross border baby trade - both illegal and legal that happened as well, is part of The Butter Box Babies, and yet is little known in the US.

"Being Adopted - The Lifelong Search for Self" by Brodzinsky, Schechter, Henig is excellent and every parent should have it.

I want to read "Family Matters - Secrecy and Disclosure in the History of Adoption" by E Wayne Carp and is on my list of books to read next, and I do want to delve into the books on the Orphan Train Riders. I have read parts in google reader of Father Brady's book written in the 30's? about the Catholic role in the Orphan Trains, and Foundling homes - the policitics between the Protestants and Catholics during that time. I would love to get a copy of the book and may try to find one.
"The Girls that went away" really does give an insight into how it was at the time. I've just lent the book to my brother because even though he has been in reunion with his mother for a long time (20 years or so), it is only really now (after reunion with paternal extended family) that he has really started thinking about things. In regards to maternity homes, I heard that the girls actually had to pay to stay at them and thus those who couldn't afford to pay were billetted with families where they did work in exchange for their board. My bmom stayed with a family and looked after their youngest child - I managed to find them and contact them and they had very fond memories of my bmom - she was so trusted by them that they felt comfortable leaving her with the baby (and a friend of the baby's mother to keep her company).

As a Kiwi by birth, I would like to read some of Anne Else's books.

I haven't read "The Primal Wound". I suspect I would probably relate to some of it and not other parts - that is what other adoptees have said.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-18-2012, 05:13 PM
 
125 posts, read 131,513 times
Reputation: 110
Although "The Girls Who Went Away" was contemporary with my original mother's experience, it wasn't hers. She read it and said it didn't speak to her; she wasn't coerced by anyone to place me. She chose it, and that was that. So while I read it and expected it to give me insight into her particular experience, it didn't.

I read "The Primal Wound" in my 30's and saw myself in parts of it and not in other parts, as seems common. I can be irritated by its lack of primary and secondary research, although I find some of Verrier's insights to be on base. Her lack of academic foundation for what she says (although I may think she's spot on, in cases) makes it hard to argue for her in debates, sometimes. I would like to read "Coming Home to Self" but saw Nancy as a client IRL and was annoyed by her and lost the taste for her. Perhaps I can overcome my prejudice, now that I'm several years down the road.

In my 20's I found B.J. Lifton's work extremely helpful as a framework from which to begin thinking of myself as an adoptee. She gave me the permission I was seeking to pose valid questions about my identity.

I wrote a few papers in psychology classes on adoption and adoptees and found Brodzinsky's and Schechter's research in general to be thoughtful, as well. I agree with you, adopteeWPD, that sometimes Brodzinsky can come over as very clinical; that could be intensely frustrating. I also saw him as a client in psychotherapy (I feel like I made the rounds, LOL) and he was much more warm IRL. "Being Adopted" is written for an academic audience. He is an adoptive parent who takes adoptees' psychological needs/differences very seriously. He is extremely respectful of us as a class of people, and for me, the ideas in "Being Adopted" have been helpful; I liked that he concludes that identity is about finding one's own peace, wherever and however that looks.

I only recently learned about the tragedy of the Butterbox Babies and would like to learn more about their sordid history so that we can avoid repeating it (I hope); I appreciate the reference.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Adoption
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 08:02 PM.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top