Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I am not sure how many have seen a relinquishment document. I know when I read the one I received after the adoption was finalized, I cried and said "How could anyone sign that?" Both birthparents signed and this is what it said: "I will not seek to know either the home or the location where the said child is placed, but entrusting the well-being of the said child to (adoption agency), I will in no way disturb or interfere with any provisions which it shall make for the said child. I fully understand that I am hereby permanently giving up any and all rights I have in Baby ****** including the right to any voice in management, control, custody, care or adoption of the said child." Did the birthparents honor this? No they did not. I stress the word "permanent". The agency did require that the children that were adopted were told that fact. Contact could be made through the agency in our case, others chose different levels of contact. I know that a lot of adoptees choose not to contact birth parents that "permanently" gave them up while others do search, some for justification as to why they were given up and others because they are looking for a sense of who they are. I know that many birth parents hope that one day the children they permanently gave up will search for them and others hope that never happens which is the intent of "permanent" and the closed records. Am guessing keeping the records closed has a lot to do with the people who relinquish that have enough clout to keep them closed. I am an adoptive parent that has acted in the best interest of our child and will continue to do that as the child's parent. Adoption is not a selfish act anymore than permanently relinquishing a child and I, frankly, am tired of being told that adoption is a selfish act!!!
Once adoptees are adults, TPR doesn't matter because they are no longer minors needing adults to make parenting decisions on their behalf. I'm not sure I worded that well, but I hope you can see what I'm getting at. Contacting an adult relinquished child is different than contacting a minor relinquished child.
I'm not sure exactly what you're saying. Are you saying that your child's birth parents made contact while they were minors, or that they made contact once the adoptees were adults? Just looking for clarity for the conversation.
Quote:
Am guessing keeping the records closed has a lot to do with the people who relinquish that have enough clout to keep them closed.
I can understand why you would make that assumption, but that's not really accurate.
Records have not really been closed for all that long. If memory serves, one of the first states to close records was Ohio. The law was brought into effect in large part by the efforts of an adoptive father who wanted to ensure that his adoptive children's records were kept private from the general public. When he realized that the unintended impact kept records out of the hands of adoptees themselves, he tried to get the law changed, but to no avail. I can try to find some links on that for you if it's an area of interest.
Also, some states have never sealed their records/OBCs. I'm a little rusty, but I'm thinking it's Alaska and Kansas. Again, I can get clarification on that for you.
Certainly, there are some relinquishing parents who would like records to remain closed. However, the vast majority speaking out say they were NOT promised permanent anonymity, nor do they want it.
Understand that there are major lobby groups who push for closed records, such as the NCFA, which is made up of some of the largest adoption agencies in the nation. It is those who are profiting from adoption who are pushing for closed records.
Last edited by adopteeWPD; 12-18-2012 at 08:12 AM..
You asked how anyone could sign a TPR agreement like the one you quoted above. I would really urge you, if you have not already, to read widely from first/natura/birth mothers who have written about their experiences. In my mind, that's the best way to understand what brings a person to the point of relinquishing their rights to their own child. (Of course, as with anything, not ever woman who relinquished will have the same opinion)
Yes, there are some women who just don't want to be mothers, but I think that is not at all what the majority of relinquishing women would say. Many wanted their babies, but were simply in desperate circumstances, or became convinced that they were not the "best" thing for their own babies through the literature and counseling of their agencies and/or the attitudes they encountered in their families and communities.
Again, I'm happy to provide links to some blogs that might give you insight if you think this is something youd like to read more about. If not, I'm not going to shove a bunch of links at you though.
"(Name of natural parents) hereby consent to said adoption and covenants and agree to acquiesce therein and to refrain from doing or causing to be done any act or thing whatsoever which will in any way interfere with the rights, duties and privileges of said child when so adopted."
As an adoptee, reading these words hurt. To think my parents DID sign me away, left me feeling sad and rejected.
But mine was a closed adoption from the 1950s.
I'm wondering: How different are the successive Relinquishment papers, the Petition to Adopt, etc, with Open Adoptions?
For those in Intercountry adoptions, how different are the papers under these circumstances?
[quote=AnywhereElse;27392907]I am not sure how many have seen a relinquishment document. I know when I read the one I received after the adoption was finalized, I cried and said "How could anyone sign that?" Both birthparents signed and this is what it said: "I will not seek to know either the home or the location where the said child is placed, but entrusting the well-being of the said child to (adoption agency), I will in no way disturb or interfere with any provisions which it shall make for the said child. I fully understand that I am hereby permanently giving up any and all rights I have in Baby ****** including the right to any voice in management, control, custody, care or adoption of the said child."
Did the birthparents honor this? No they did not. I stress the word "permanent". The agency did require that the children that were adopted were told that fact.
The children being told that fact meant that they were aware that because their bfamily no longer had any legal rights, they could not interfere in their upbringing by the adoptive parents whilst still minors.
After the age of 18, no-one has any right to control another adult's life (unless the adult is not capable of caring for themselves and another adult has power of attorney over them). So, in effect, neither you nor biological parents have any right to control another adult's life after 18. So after 18, it is the adult's right whether s/he wishes to have contact with other human beings.
Contact could be made through the agency in our case, others chose different levels of contact. I know that a lot of adoptees choose not to contact birth parents that "permanently" gave them up while others do search, some for justification as to why they were given up and others because they are looking for a sense of who they are.
There are many different reasons - it is the adoptee's choice. Some wish to make contact, others don't - that is their right. One hopes that the adoptive parents have been unbiased in raising the child and been honest and truthful in talking about their bparents.
I know that many birth parents hope that one day the children they permanently gave up will search for them and others hope that never happens which is the intent of "permanent" and the closed records.
As pointed out by others, it was not the intent of closed/sealed records. As the relinquishment document helps make clear, the intent of the closed/sealed records was to protect the adoptive family/child from interference by the biological family. Some bparents may have been told or believe that the closed/sealed records was to protect them but a child who has been TPRed but not adopted does not have their record sealed - it is only AFTER ADOPTION that the records are sealed. Thus if a child ended up in foster care after relinquishment and was never adopted, their records would not be sealed.
Am guessing keeping the records closed has a lot to do with the people who relinquish that have enough clout to keep them closed.
Not at all. THe NCFA have the clout. Adoptive agencies have the clout. Adoptive parents have the clout. They are the ones who want records closed. Bparents have very little clout at all. Some definitely don't want contact - however, in many ways, they are actually better served under open record states, eg they can put contact vetoes in regards to being contacted and also states/countries that have open records can educate adoptees about adoption by sending brochures out with the birth certificates or mandatory counselling (done in NZ)
I am an adoptive parent that has acted in the best interest of our child and will continue to do that as the child's parent.
As long as they are child, that is your prerogative. As adults, they are entitled to act in their own best interest.
Adoption is not a selfish act anymore than permanently relinquishing a child and I, frankly, am tired of being told that adoption is a selfish act!!!
No-one is saying that adopting in itself is selfish - you really do need to read what people are saying rather than what you think they are saying.
What I am tired of being told is that wishing to have contact with biological parents is a selfish act and unfair to adoptive parents - something we adoptees keep getting told over and over again on this forum.I would consider an adoptive parent who thought that their adult child shouldn't contact their bparents because the AP would feel upset about it is being selfish - just my 2c.
SNIP"I will not seek to know either the home or the location where the said child is placed, but entrusting the well-being of the said child to (adoption agency), I will in no way disturb or interfere with any provisions which it shall make for the said child. I fully understand that I am hereby permanently giving up any and all rights I have in Baby ****** including the right to any voice in management, control, custody, care or adoption of the said child." SNIP
Tualery's post:
Quote:
"(Name of natural parents) hereby consent to said adoption and covenants and agree to acquiesce therein and to refrain from doing or causing to be done any act or thing whatsoever which will in any way interfere with the rights, duties and privileges of said child when so adopted."
My surrender document is different as well.
NONE of them have a single statement regarding wishing / requiring privacy for the surrendering parent(s), nor in return guaranting privacy in return for surrender.
In fact all three of them CLEARLY identify the surrending parent(s) and in at least two of the three (AnywhereElse and mine) the surrendering parents identity to the adopting parents is known. The petition to adopt identified that the adopting parents knew my mother's name.
There is / was no privacy guaranteed to the surrending parents in these documents, and in the law when I was adopted, there was no mention of privacy to the surrendering parents, and the adoptive family had unrestricted access to the file upon request. That unrestricted access was retroactively changed by later law.
Mine was part of my sealed adoption files - my parents did not have copies of anything, perhaps because they were told the law allowed them unrestricted access? Regardless they didn't need the type of documentation now required to register for schools etc. Now days adoptive parents get documents although I am sure it is different for each state - obviously the OP did.
Sealed up tight along with the OBC, you mean? Guess I'm out of luck with that one, too .....
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
