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Old 12-31-2012, 08:55 PM
 
Location: Soldotna
2,268 posts, read 1,799,947 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by susankate View Post
Actually, I wasn't being "deliberately obtuse", One - like others I am confused about actual laws that prevented the OP or anonymousseX from adopting and 2) I have no idea if the OP was talking about domestic infant adoption or foster care adoption (which many people actually do have a problem with).

The barrier today is primarily the fact that in the USA comparatively few children are placed for adoption.

That is the usual situation in wealthy countries. In fact, the US is doing far more than any country to make sure that their young women relinquish their children than any other Western country so you can hardly complain.

As for all the home studies you went through, surely one has to go through that for international adoptions as well? If not, they should be as thorough as yours.
I haven't adopted.

Though I know some people that have tried. Well educated, stable, no criminal history, been getting the run around. Funny thing is they are foster parents and have been for years...

Though that depends on the state I guess.
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Old 01-02-2013, 02:48 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,586 posts, read 23,131,512 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by markg91359 View Post
Don't be deliberately obtuse, Susan.

You know very well what most of us are talking about. In my own situation, it took my wife and I nine years to adopt two infants and that's here in Utah that's gets so much bad press as being "an adoption mill".

No, we weren't blocked in the sense that there was a law or regulation that prohibited us from seeking to adopt. The barrier today is primarily the fact that in the USA comparatively few children are placed for adoption.

I accept that fact. We made a choice. Ultimately, our choice to pursue domestic adoption worked out for us, although I was 39 going on 40 when we completed our last adoption. We had to go to endless workshops, seminars, interviews, and even counseling sessions to receive clearance to adopt from an agency. I'm not saying its necessarily wrong, but our personal life was sifted through in a way most people can't imagine. The "inadequate home studies" that I've heard some people mention here did not apply to us. By the time they were done there was virtually no fact about me that was not known by the adoption agencies we worked with. In retrospect, I don't complain about it. Its just the way it is. However, I can easily imagine the frustrations of a couple going through all that today to be told "its very iffy" if there will ever be a child placed with them.

Based on that, I easily see how couples choose to go to places China, Russia, and Ethiopia where adoption at least "has been" more certain in the past.

If the object most people have when they adopt is to build a family, its nice to be able to do it in a way that you know you'll eventually reach your goal. That's far from certain in the USA. Its more certain (or at least it has been) if you go overseas.

Excellent post! We adopted internationally and we, at times felt almost violated by the process.
We were required to take a relatively painless class in trans racial adoption that was actually somewhat interesting.

I don't like home studies - I am not sure if anyone does but I really dislike being judged by another.
We did not complain, but the incredible difference between adopting a child and giving birth to one was glaring.

International adoption costs more in most cases, but we wanted a relatively sure thing. after all of the broken promises and dashed hopes that we experienced while attempting to conceive.
For us it was worth it.

We were blocked in trying to conceive, our family was delayed, and we did not want to have a child given to us, only to be taken away.
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Old 01-02-2013, 05:58 PM
 
1,879 posts, read 1,855,795 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnonymouseX View Post
I haven't adopted.

Though I know some people that have tried. Well educated, stable, no criminal history, been getting the run around. Funny thing is they are foster parents and have been for years...

Though that depends on the state I guess.
Are they trying to adopt from foster care? I don't know too much about it but I have heard that even different counties with a state can have different laws.

There are some things I've heard from foster parents that sound like they need fixing - eg I know of some foster parents who have fostered children for ages but when the child has been TPRed, they are not eligible to adopt said child.
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Old 01-02-2013, 06:12 PM
 
1,879 posts, read 1,855,795 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tiffjoy View Post
I'd like clarification as well. I'm confused by the OP- no one is forced to adopt internationally or domestically. My first thought when I read the OP was that the poster is upset more American children aren't available for immediate adoption with less effort, but I don't think that's what they met. If that is what is meant, that seems very wrong to me.

Adoption is a roll of the dice. Some people start the process and it takes years and many failed matches. Others start and are matched almost right away and everything works out. In our case, we didn't even finish the initial process before we met someone and adopted a couple days later. But I see that as no different than having a biological child. Some people get pregnancy right away. Others try for years and face many difficulties before they give birth. There are no means of changing this because it is the emoms right to choose placement. Children don't just go to the next in line- in almost all cases, they go to the family if the emoms choosing, as is her right. Foster care adoptions are totally different. In that case, rights must be terminated and yes, this takes time as the purpose of foster care is always to try to reunite families whenever possible.

No, adoption is not easy. Not should it be, quite frankly. There should be a degree of effort involved in obtaining a child because all this effort is what is meant to protect that child. The home studies, the background checks, the post placement interviews- these are checks and balances meant to ensure a child is safe and loved.

I would like to know what the OP would propose be done to make things "easier?"
Well said, Tiff.
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