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Old 02-13-2013, 07:25 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,472 posts, read 43,550,710 times
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This is just the best story ever. What a wonderful idea!

Adoptive mom's 'newborn' photo shoot with 13-year-old son goes viral  - TODAY.com
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Old 02-14-2013, 03:49 AM
 
1,024 posts, read 983,913 times
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From the POV of someone who has never had newborn photos, either, this story evokes very different feelings for me.

At his age I would have laughed, too.

Mainly to keep from hurting my adoptive family or crying. He learned how to cope for now using humor. He still has no photos of himself as a baby & I see no true remedy for this, only making the best of a very sad reality. I know how that feels & my heart goes out to them. I hope some day they can reach out & find people who actually relate instead of seeing this as funny &/or "remedied."

Some things can never be substituted or replaced & such photos are a reminder that you never had a family that celebrated you from the very beginning (& that no one really cared for 10+ years).

Every time they pass real baby photos of their siblings, friends, or someone they know takes photos of their newborn they will still be reminded of all they have lost just the same as before.

Last edited by thethreefoldme; 02-14-2013 at 05:19 AM..
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Old 02-14-2013, 05:30 AM
 
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So threefoldme, what should this family have done? In the article, the mother did express a feeling of sadness over the whole situation. Her adoptive son though was open to the idea and liked the outcome and is proud of them. They will never substitute for actual baby photos but obviously they were taken with great love and I found the pictures quite beautiful. This mom loves her son very much and did something very special. As a reader, I don't see anything "funny or remedied." I see something touching, sad, and an adoptive mother with a big heart with amazing creativity. As the mother stated at the end, "We are never too old to want." If her son is happy with the outcome, it should be seen as a positive thing. I would bet you that her son cherishes those photos. It is all about the children yes?

Or should she have swept this whole idea under the rug when it came up? By the way, I'm not trying to discount your view since you are coming from a place of deep pain and all viewpoints are welcome. I just see things in a different light. I would still be curious to hear how you would have handled this had you been in this woman's shoes.

Thanks no Kudzu for posting this. I am really starting to think about these older kids in the foster care system lately.

Last edited by Siggy20; 02-14-2013 at 05:58 AM..
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Old 02-14-2013, 05:56 AM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,472 posts, read 43,550,710 times
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some people see the glass as half full and then there are those who see the glass-every glass- as half empty. That is indeed so sad.
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Old 02-14-2013, 06:15 AM
 
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Quote:
If her son is happy with the outcome, it should be seen as a positive thing. I would bet you that her son cherishes those photos. It is all about the children yes?
Yes, of course. But my point is it can be fairly more complex for adoptees than for those who see it only as a positive thing.

After years of being reunited with my biological family, we have taken some family photos. I will forever cherish them & while I am very happy to have them, they also make me incredibly sad & are a reminder of what I have lost. If my sister suggested recreating baby photos I would have even more conflicted feelings & would also find myself in a position where I was afraid to hurt them if I declined.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Linmora View Post
So threefoldme, what should this family have done?
Imagine if the adoptive family lost all of their family photos in a fire. How do you think they would feel if when expressing their grief someone suggested they can just recreate them? Understanding the person wanted to help, they might smile & go along with the idea to be polite, but on the inside feel that the person couldn't possibly get the gravity of what will forever be missed.

IMO this was an opportunity to help him with more than photos. They could have shown empathy & explored their feelings instead of immediately jumping to the assumption they could recreate photos & then joke about it.

Quote:
Her adoptive son though was open to the idea and liked the outcome and is proud of them.
Of course he was open to the idea. I'm sure it made him feel good that someone finally cared. That doesn't mean he can't have other conflicted feelings. Do you think he would want to hurt his adoptive family by expressing any if he had them?

Last edited by thethreefoldme; 02-14-2013 at 07:44 AM..
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Old 02-14-2013, 07:23 AM
 
393 posts, read 503,377 times
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I don't have feelings either way on the actual reasons for the pictures.

I believe the on-line aspect started on a popular adoptive mommy blog - which spread to message boards - which spread to Huff Post - which has now spread to celebritybabies - people.com and who knows where else including Facebook where school mates of this kids parents might also post those pictures or a link.

Imagine now this 13 year old arriving at school - only to find out that the school bully found the "baby" pictures on his mom's facebook page she had posted because she thought it was "cute".

Now start thinking about all the cyber bullying that happens every single day and the consequences.

Call me paranoid or overly sensitive - one thing to have done this as a bonding or whatever - completely and utterly different where this has gone and it worries me.

Adoptees get bullied for being adopted still today - add this onto it.
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Old 02-14-2013, 08:50 AM
 
1,516 posts, read 1,839,817 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Artful Dodger View Post
Adoptees get bullied for being adopted still today - add this onto it.
The bullying aspect is certainly something to be considered since kids get bullied all the time. My daughter has been the recipient of quite a bit of bullying....not being an adoptee but kids just being mean in general. The mean ones are good at preying on the weak. I've gone to the school quite a few times over the years since she has problems with a handful of girls, unfortunately a few in our neighborhood. If I EVER found out that she was being bullied because of being adopted, believe me, it would be a show down with the parents at their house. Hopefully this mother asked her son if it was okay to post this to her FB page before doing so.

One last positive comment from me. One great thing from this going viral is perhaps opening hearts to the possibility of adopting an older child through the foster system. I have to admit that this story touched my heart and if it touched other hearts out there, that is such a great thing. Hopefully more folks look into some of these waiting children.
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Old 02-14-2013, 09:25 AM
 
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If more people consider helping older children in foster care, then that is a very good thing. I just don't understand why my showing empathy for these children was taken so negatively. He still doesn't have what he always longed for (like OP claims).

He says every time he shows the photos to people, they laugh. I can imagine how that feels.

Last edited by thethreefoldme; 02-14-2013 at 09:45 AM..
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Old 02-14-2013, 07:35 PM
 
Location: Western Canada
89 posts, read 101,593 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
some people see the glass as half full and then there are those who see the glass-every glass- as half empty. That is indeed so sad.
In this case, there are those who see the glass as BOTH half empty AND half full, acknowledging the reality of the situation, just as Kelli Higgins did when she found the notion bittersweet. Bitter AND sweet. At the same time. Concurrently.

There are also those who only see the glass as overflowing.

The only really sad thing about this is that Latrell has no baby pictures. He still doesn't. Short of hopping in a go-back-in-time-a-tron with a camera, he won't. I don't find it at all sad that there are others out there with a different viewpoint than mine. Or yours. I do find it a little bit sad that one reader saw nothing "funny" about this, especially considering that they must have read these words from the article.

Quote:
The family was sitting around the dinner table last month, when Higgins – a professional photographer – mentioned that she was preparing for an upcoming baby photo session. Latrell mentioned that he wished he had baby photos of himself.
Higgins’ 12-year-old daughter asked, why not “recreate” a newborn photo shoot just for Latrell? The family had a good laugh thinking about him in all the newborn poses.
“I thought it was funny and that it would be a good idea,” Latrell told TODAY.com. His mom found the notion bittersweet.

Higgins and Latrell went into her studio the next day, both laughing hysterically the whole time, she recalled.

While some people have raised concerns that Latrell would be embarrassed by the photos, he told TODAY.com that he likes the results and that everyone he has showed the photos to thinks they are funny.
As an adoptee, one who is able to see a few ways to view this, I hope that these photos are always a source of amusement for him and his family. If this ever changes and he is embarrassed by the photos, it is now impossible to remove them from the public domain.
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Old 02-14-2013, 07:51 PM
 
Location: Back at home in western Washington!
1,500 posts, read 3,927,035 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thethreefoldme View Post
Of course he was open to the idea. I'm sure it made him feel good that someone finally cared. That doesn't mean he can't have other conflicted feelings. Do you think he would want to hurt his adoptive family by expressing any if he had them?
Up front, I will say that I have limited experience with adoptions and cannot possibly imagine what it is like for everyone involved.

My thoughts when I read the last question was: Isn't it possible that he IS their child - that he feels so bonded that he is comfortable expressing his thoughts and feelings? If he didn't want to do these photos, would he really have kept silent and done them simply to avoid hurting the feelings of the people who opened their hearts to him? Is that what being adopted is like?

I think the photos are beautiful and will be something he treasures forever.

Come to think of it...being adopted isn't the only reason to not have baby pictures. I don't have any. My dad was unemployed and my mother was fighting cancer for the first many years of my life. Picture taking wasn't an important thing at the time. I do have school pictures starting from Kindergarten though, so that's pretty young.
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