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Old 03-27-2013, 12:25 PM
 
393 posts, read 503,530 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thethreefoldme View Post
All great points, Avery.

A child's boundaries should also be taken into consideration. Infants & newborns are not the only children people adopt & expect to breastfeed.

If a child rejects breastfeeding, I believe their boundaries should be respected above the mother's desire to nurse & repeated attempts should not be made to get the child to comply. However, I have read about adoptive parents who ignored their child's very obvious boundaries because they were so set on breast-feeding. The lengths some have reported going to have at times been disturbing.

If an older child changes their mind &/or expresses the desire to breastfeed on their own terms (sometimes they do), then of course that is very different. If they never do, the mother can still bottle-feed the child breast milk & support them in whatever other attachment/bonding methods soothes the child best.

Of course if a biological parent somehow found themselves in a similar situation I would feel the same. But we're discussing adoptive breastfeeding so those are the examples I used.
Yes - you were very clear that you were not speaking about infants and newborns...

Surprised others don't know about AP's trying to breastfeed when the child was adopted as a toddler - this AP is perhaps the most famous - it does not appear she forced the issue. From the timeline it appears the toddler was about 3 years old at the time of the adoption.

TIME's Breast-Feeding Mom: 'This Is Biologically Normal' | TIME.com
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Old 03-27-2013, 12:50 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,586 posts, read 23,131,512 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
susankate. I'm confused. Are you stating that when a birth mother "makes an adoption plan" or "places her child for adoption" or "relinquishes" her child, she really isn't aware that she is giving up her child, all legal rights, all future rights, etc?

The "makes an adoption plan" language was advanced to be a phrase with a more realistic approach than "put her child UP for adoption". It puts power in the hands of the birth mother, gives her more control of the situation and has less of a visual than somebody actually lifting a baby UP for adoption.
When a birth mother relinquishes rights to her child, she does just that. The child could be adopted by and become the child of a woman who breastfeeds.

That's one of the possibilities.

I am a person who thinks that birth mothers are coddled entirely too much.

When I opened up the phone book to find a home study agency in my new state, and I was really shocked by the many advertisements directed at birth mothers.

Ads promising selection of "your child's parents". "Open and semi-open" adoptions. Financial help with housing and transportation. Medical expenses paid.

It's sickening to me.

I don't think that we should return to the days of homes for unwed mothers, but I also do not think that girls who become pregnant should be accommodated by special school programs.

Society has swung too far in the opposite direction. I predict, as is so often the case, that the pendulum will settle somewhere in the center.

In terms of an adult woman who decides to breast feed her infant through adoption, that is her choice and no one else's.
We have made so many choices and decisions for both of our children in their lives. In the case of our daughter who arrived in our family through adoption, I never once said "I wonder if the woman who gave birth to her would approve of this?"

That'll be the day! So many more parents who have adopted think exactly as I do.

An unplanned pregnancy while a teenager in high school, which let's face it, is still the typical situation, is not akin to getting on the honor roll, becoming head cheerleader, or president of the Law Club.
It's a mistake. A bad one that will alter the young woman's life for ever.

The boy or who her pregnant? Not as much. I did not make these rules. The facts of life are that woman get pregnant and men do not.

Let's stop the insanity!

Mother's have the right to breast feed their babies and if technology has made it possible to breast feed a child who was born to another, that's a wonderful advancement in my eyes!.

To the OP - Go for it! I wish that I had done this with my daughter!
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Old 03-27-2013, 01:14 PM
 
1,024 posts, read 984,274 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaded View Post
I think the posters on this thread have been very clear that who is being discussed are infants/babies.


I never said other posters were talking about children. Again, if you read my posts you'll see I brought it up because infants are not the only children people adopt & plan to breastfeed.

Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
Of course most of us agree that trying to force an older child to breast feed is well....kind of sick and icky. I admit I picture infants when I think of Moms, either bio or adopted trying to breast feed. You know kids get teeth before they are a year old and a 2 or 3 year old has a head full of teeth. Who in their right mind would try to force a kid with a mouth full of teeth and a stubborn streak to breastfeed? Something not right with that scenario.
Breast feeding toddlers + is not uncommon & it appeared to me their motivations were the same as those who choose to breastfeed the infants they adopted. They wanted to experience a certain aspect of pregnancy &/or believed it would help the child attach/bond with them. That isn't what I found disturbing -- it was the length they went to make it happen.

Last edited by thethreefoldme; 03-27-2013 at 01:38 PM..
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Old 03-27-2013, 01:21 PM
 
1,024 posts, read 984,274 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Artful Dodger View Post
Yes - you were very clear that you were not speaking about infants and newborns...

Surprised others don't know about AP's trying to breastfeed when the child was adopted as a toddler - this AP is perhaps the most famous - it does not appear she forced the issue. From the timeline it appears the toddler was about 3 years old at the time of the adoption.

TIME's Breast-Feeding Mom: 'This Is Biologically Normal' | TIME.com
Thank you, AD. I'm also surprised they haven't heard about APs who attempt breastfeeding children they adopted as toddlers (often children who have only been bottle-fed their entire lives & do reject breastfeeding outright).

Last edited by thethreefoldme; 03-27-2013 at 01:41 PM..
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Old 03-27-2013, 01:43 PM
 
509 posts, read 483,009 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Artful Dodger View Post
Yes - you were very clear that you were not speaking about infants and newborns...

Surprised others don't know about AP's trying to breastfeed when the child was adopted as a toddler - this AP is perhaps the most famous - it does not appear she forced the issue. From the timeline it appears the toddler was about 3 years old at the time of the adoption.

TIME's Breast-Feeding Mom: 'This Is Biologically Normal' | TIME.com
And where does Jamie say she used force to breastfeed her adopted son? As you said, it doesn't appear she did. Nursing a toddler it older child, while uncommon in our Anerican society, is not weird or abnormal.

I'm very familiar with her and her blog, and I've never read anything indicating she forced nursing against her adopted sons wishes.
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Old 03-27-2013, 01:57 PM
 
1,851 posts, read 2,980,790 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tiffjoy View Post
And where does Jamie say she used force to breastfeed her adopted son? As you said, it doesn't appear she did. Nursing a toddler it older child, while uncommon in our Anerican society, is not weird or abnormal.

I'm very familiar with her and her blog, and I've never read anything indicating she forced nursing against her adopted sons wishes.
True. In America it is viewed differently than other countries. I didn't read where she forced feeding. I haven't read that view expressed here either. But I was unaware that toddler adoptive mothers breastfed like infant/baby adoptive mothers. If no forcing is done however, perhaps the child was familiar with breastfeeding before the adoption? One has to wonder.
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Old 03-27-2013, 02:07 PM
 
1,024 posts, read 984,274 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tiffjoy View Post
And where does Jamie say she used force to breastfeed her adopted son? As you said, it doesn't appear she did. Nursing a toddler it older child, while uncommon in our Anerican society, is not weird or abnormal.

I'm very familiar with her and her blog, and I've never read anything indicating she forced nursing against her adopted sons wishes.
I don't think anyone said or even implied she specifically used force. But this is from her blog:

Quote:
My daughter had been bottle fed since birth and quite possibly had never seen a breast in her life. She regarded mine as if they were alien beings and wanted nothing to do with them.
She did not "decide to latch at the breast" until she was two. The mother did not go into too much detail, but I assume that means for over a year she made repeated attempts to breastfeed despite her child not wanting anything to do with it. Whether you view that as forcing breast-feeding or crossing a line I suppose is a matter of opinion.
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Old 03-27-2013, 02:15 PM
 
1,851 posts, read 2,980,790 times
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I especially like when she states:


"But as far as someone who says theyíre uncomfortable with this, I donít think itís wrong to admit this. But people have to realize this is biologically normal. Itís not socially normal. The more people see it, the more itíll become normal in our culture. Thatís what Iím hoping. I want people to see it.

There seems to be a war going on between conventional parenting and attachment parenting, and thatís what I want to avoid. I want everyone to be encouraging. Weíre not on opposing teams. We all need to be encouraging to each other, and I donít think weíre doing a very good job at that."

I can't get the quote function to work on my pad!

Read more: TIME's Breast-Feeding Mom: 'This Is Biologically Normal' | TIME.com
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Old 03-27-2013, 02:18 PM
 
1,024 posts, read 984,274 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaded View Post
If no forcing is done however, perhaps the child was familiar with breastfeeding before the adoption? One has to wonder.
Yes, this is not so uncommon. Toddlers who are adopted who have been previously breastfed will sometimes request breast-feeding. Sometimes children will refuse breast feeding at first, then change their mind & request breast-feeding later. I mentioned both of those exceptions in my post.
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Old 03-27-2013, 02:21 PM
 
509 posts, read 483,009 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thethreefoldme View Post
I don't think anyone said or even implied she specifically used force. But this is from her blog:

She did not "decide to latch at the breast" until she was two. The mother did not go into too much detail, but I assume that means for over a year she made repeated attempts to breastfeed despite her child not wanting anything to do with it. Whether you view that as forcing breast-feeding or crossing a line I suppose is a matter of opinion.
I asked for examples of mothers, specifically adoptive mothers, who have forcefully breastfed their children.

Offering your child your breast to nurse isn't what i picture as forcing. It's providing an option.

Jamie has two sons, not a daughter, so I'm not sure where your quote is from (guest poster??), especially taken out of context with no link. If you could provide a link to the post, maybe I can get a clearer idea of what you are referring to.
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