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Old 04-05-2013, 02:30 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dogluvr2012 View Post
Oh no, I don't think a parent should ever kick out a child, whether adopted or biological. I was just saying it does happen.
Whoops! Didn't mean to imply you thought it was right -- was just asking a general question. I agree btw!
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Old 04-05-2013, 02:47 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dogluvr2012 View Post
Oh no, I don't think a parent should ever kick out a child, whether adopted or biological. I was just saying it does happen.
I would have to disagree with you on this one. Once a child becomes an adult and chooses to live at home, there are certain rules they would have to follow in my house to continue living here. I'm a pretty flexible person but if my child was doing drugs in my home, verbally or physically abusing my husband and I, stealing and generally making all our lives a living hell, I would do everything within my power to find them alternative living arrangements. Our neighbors were in this situation as I explained before and now their son is in a alternative living arrangement, getting help but not living at home which is a good thing.

Of course if the young adult had an addiction problem, I would do everything within my power to get them help. And I certainly wouldn't lock them out suddenly unless I was in physical danger.

Then again this doesn't have anything to do with adoption and more with house rules and children living in their parents house. There have been a few intersting discussions on this very topic, probably buried under the parenting section. It all comes down to mutual respect and following house rules.
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Old 04-05-2013, 03:02 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizita View Post
That was explained elsewhere. The boy went to Russia by himself and, according to the parents, picked up some bad habits there.
It was explained where?
From what I understand he just recently turned 18. Are you telling me that they've let him go overseas alone, when he was under-age or what?
And how could he go there while working at Wendy's ( the roundtrip is pretty pricey, plus where would he get money for staying over there - it's expensive as well.)
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Old 04-05-2013, 03:05 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Linmora View Post
I would have to disagree with you on this one. Once a child becomes an adult and chooses to live at home, there are certain rules they would have to follow in my house to continue living here. I'm a pretty flexible person but if my child was doing drugs in my home, verbally or physically abusing my husband and I, stealing and generally making all our lives a living hell, I would do everything within my power to find them alternative living arrangements. Our neighbors were in this situation as I explained before and now their son is in a alternative living arrangement, getting help but not living at home which is a good thing.

Of course if the young adult had an addiction problem, I would do everything within my power to get them help. And I certainly wouldn't lock them out suddenly unless I was in physical danger.

Then again this doesn't have anything to do with adoption and more with house rules and children living in their parents house. There have been a few intersting discussions on this very topic, probably buried under the parenting section. It all comes down to mutual respect and following house rules.
Okay, but to our knowledge this boy never put his parents in physical danger & they did not get him any help once he was outside the home. That makes this a very different scenario...

Also,

I would never adopt a child from another country at the age of 13 & expect them not to rebel. That's just absolutely silly. So did you adopt a child expecting them to be perfect/follow all your rules? Would you kick them out suddenly/institutionalize them because they wanted to help a friend in need? Doubtful.
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Old 04-05-2013, 03:47 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dogluvr2012 View Post
Parents locking teens out is more common than you would think. Typically happens when the teen has a drug addiction problem. The parent no longer knows how to deal with it, so they don't. It's very sad.

I don't know if this is what happened here, who knows, but the 2 stories don't add up.
Yes, they don't add up.
First of all - what "drug addiction problem" are we talking about in this case?
Hard-core drugs? But it takes time till people get hooked on them and become unmanageable, plus it requires money, drug -dealing and what's not.
However if we are talking marihuana - one doesn't need to go to Russia to "pick a bad habit"; it's all over the place in the US.
So my question is - was it really a "drug addiction problem" that both of those teenagers (Abnosov/Salotti and that friend of his, Ben,) became locked out of the house?
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Old 04-05-2013, 03:59 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thethreefoldme View Post
Okay, but to our knowledge this boy never put his parents in physical danger & they did not get him any help once he was outside the home. That makes this a very different scenario...

Also,

I would never adopt a child from another country at the age of 13 & expect them not to rebel. That's just absolutely silly. So did you adopt a child expecting them to be perfect/follow all your rules? Would you kick them out suddenly/institutionalize them because they wanted to help a friend in need? Doubtful.
My comment was in response of the one of "I would never kick my child out of the house." I realize that I'm slightly off topic and should have been more clear that I wasn't talking about his boy and his family. My comment was more along a general parenting issue versus this particular case.

Not going to respond to your last paragraph because frankly, I'm getting a tad bit weary of second guessing this whole case and who did/said what. Nor am I going to justify myself to you. Again, my comment was made about any child following the rules of the house...biological or adopted.
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Old 04-05-2013, 04:00 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thethreefoldme View Post
If that is true (not sure what sources you are getting this info from), that is incredibly sad. Especially if the story about getting kicked out for trying to help his friend is true, too. That's how I was as a teen -- I would give the shirt off my back to help a friend in need, even at my own expense.
I'm pretty sure that that part of a story ( him taking punishment for trying to help out another teenager) is true. But this kind of stuff usually doesn't come out of a blue either. Usually it goes something like this - "We are already irritated by you, but now you are bringing someone's else's problems to us? No way. Do as you've been told or else."

I'm sorry that one of their biblical angels turned out to be a difficult teenager, but it's nothing unheard of.

PS. I've read about it here;

'My adoptive US parents did a mean thing' - Alexander Abnosov : Voice of Russia
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Old 04-06-2013, 07:00 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by erasure View Post
Yes, they don't add up.
So my question is - was it really a "drug addiction problem" that both of those teenagers (Abnosov/Salotti and that friend of his, Ben,) became locked out of the house?
I'm not sure it should even matter... Locking a minor out in the snow should send any parent to jail. Suddenly locking an adult outside of the home you are currently allowing them to reside in is also a problem.

I know it happens all the time -- but it is wrong.
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Old 04-09-2013, 12:23 AM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,604 posts, read 23,166,327 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
What teenager isn't pissed at their parents for nagging? it goes with being a teenager. And there are plenty of teenagers in this country who would have very romantic thoughts about "going back to my original(or different) family". An immature mind can play lots of tricks.

This is my take. 1) the kid has had a rough life and both he and his a parents were neither probably prepared for the tremendous challenges in an international adoption at this age. 2) The government found out about his story and jumped on it to publicize their ban on American adoptions. 3) This plays right into their hands. 4) How do we know this kid even said the things quoted from him? 5) How do we not know he was paid or somehow compensated for his story? 6) I have no doubts the Putin government would manipulate this kid for their own purposes in a New York minute.

Do we know for sure he was not abused in either( or both) homes? It is a fact that most alcoholic parents lash out at their family much more frequently than sober parents. It could very well be his adoptive parents gave him the first structure and rules in his life and it was too much for him.

I doubt we will get the full story but I too feel this kid will wake up some day with a great deal of regret for blowing his one chance to escape the crushing poverty and alcoholism which seems to be in his family.

I agree. Teenagers frequently feel that they are being nagged. And, frequently, they well may be! Being a part of a family entails conforming to, and abiding by; certain standards of behavior.
Loving parents are not always best friends with their parents.

In light of what has happened with Russia, as of late; I'm not surprised that Putin would use a disgruntled teenager for his purposes.

Post Institutionalized children frequently have issues with authority. many can be manipulative.
I don't know enough about this, but a ticket to Russia would be the very last thing that I would have bought this kid. I'd also have taken him off the streets.

As far as FAE is concerned, there are no facial features associated with it.

It is my hope that this boy leaves Russia and returns home.
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Old 04-09-2013, 02:58 AM
 
1,879 posts, read 1,858,268 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Green Irish Eyes View Post
I'm not familiar with this site or its POV, but it presents news reports from several sources on one page.

There's an allegation that the adoptive mother hit the boy once. A neighbor claims that the boy chose to live on the street rather than follow the rules laid down. After returning to Russia, he attempted to shoplift three cans of coffee and was arrested.

You can see a (brief) interview with him here.

It's a sad story, all around.
Interesting link, Green Irish Eyes.

I get the impression that he originally went to the US as part of one of those Host Family things (a bit like Sheena's Ukrainian program) and was then adopted. This article seems to give that impression:

http://en.beta.rian.ru/russia/201303...S-Streets.html

Quote:
The Salottis adopted Joshua and another Russian boy, Sam Salotti, after meeting them through their church five or six years ago, the relative said.
“They fell in love with them,” the relative said. “They felt like they had a calling. Something told them that they should help these kids.”
I doubt that he was suffering from RAD. In fact, part of his problem seems to be that he was bonded to his grandmother and sister but because one was too old and one was too young, he ended up in an orphanage (where I am assuming he was visited by said relatives) after his alcoholic father died (I am not sure of his relationship with his mother who seems to have died as well). Quite often, children who have loving relatives in their native country may not actually ever settle properly in their new country because they are missing their relatives in their old country. I think he considers Russia his home. In his situation, he might have been best to be fostered with a Russian family where he could have kept in contact with his grandmother and sister. This is not a situation for every Russian child of course but probably would have been the best one for him.

Interestingly, it sounds like Sam, the other child adopted, may have had problems with his mother too:

In Russia, teen complains of adoptive Montco parents - Philly.com

Quote:
Sam Salotti said his parents set strict rules but his brother refused to comply with them.

"It got to the point, my mom said, 'Get out of the house,' " said Sam Salotti, who spoke at the home of neighbors Barbara and Jack Ayling, where he said he has been staying for a few nights while his father is out of town.

The Aylings said they were happy to accommodate Sam Salotti, who is a regular guest in their house.
He said that he also has a difficult relationship with his mother, but that he tried to get along while his brother could not.

His adoptive father gave Josh Salotti his passport, a plane ticket to Russia, and $500, and Josh returned in late December, Sam Salotti and the Aylings said.

Sam Salotti said he spoke Tuesday to the Russian TV editor, who invited him to appear on the show with his brother and offered to reunite him with his own birth relatives.

"I don't care. I'll do any stupid show" to be able to see his mother and birth relatives again, he said.
But if they want to fly him to Moscow, he said, it has to be a round-trip ticket. He is about to graduate from Methacton High School, and he doesn't want to miss that.
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