U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Adoption
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 04-26-2013, 09:52 PM
 
Location: California
167 posts, read 153,419 times
Reputation: 177

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by iklrl View Post
Mother wants adoption father does not what happens child support?

Mother wants to put baby up for adoption. Father does not. Father just got a job paying $15 an hour. He has 5 other children ages 2,3,4,7,9 all different mothers. He is behind on child support. Mother does not have any children was a student in college but ran out of money and currently not working on bedrest doctors orders. She has no family support. I'm a mutual friend of both the mother and father. The father wants the baby and tells her he will put her on childsupport. He told her that if she keeps the baby and puts him on childsupport she won't get much money because he is already paying support for 5 kids. This is really stressing her out. I went to visit her today and she was so nervous about him getting custody and making her pay childsupport she was shaking and crying. She says she just wants to put the baby up for adoption and move on with her life. I feel bad because I convinced her to put the baby up for adoption instead of abortion. Now the father is trying to block the adoption. I'm moving out of town next week so I won't be around to help her. What should she do? He also smokes weed.
Can you explain exactly what you mean by "he is trying to block the adoption"? Also, what state do the prospective parents call their legal residency? I've also read ahead on the thread. IF she takes her baby to a baby dump, she could face charges for lying to the authorities that the father is unknown, or that he doesn't want his child. She doesn't have to parent, but she needs to know that the father of the baby does have legal rights to his child.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 04-26-2013, 09:55 PM
 
Location: Chicago area
1,105 posts, read 2,914,329 times
Reputation: 2106
What a tragic and difficult situation for everyone. I don't envy any of them, including the baby-to-be. I generally believe that fathers should have the same, or at least very similar, rights as mothers but this guy does not sound like father material. I'm a little perplexed that the reason the mother doesn't want the father to raise the baby is because she doesn't want to have to pay child support. If she didn't have to, would she let him have the baby?

Running away, lying to the father or using the safe haven law are all bad ideas. It's not fair to the baby who should be number one here.
Your friend should see a lawyer for advice. Some adoption lawyers offer free consultations. Some on the phone and some in person. To find one go to this site and find your state or city: Adoption Lawyer - Adoption Attorney, Law Firm Directory | FindLaw . The lawyers listings will show if they offer free consultations. Local Legal Aid may also be able to give her some advice. A good adoption agency may be able to advice as well.

Regardless of what you think of a bio dad's rights in all actuality the father's parental rights could most likely be terminated against his will and the baby be adopted. With his track record of not taking care of his five other kids he will likely not be considered a fit parent.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-27-2013, 12:08 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
1,105 posts, read 2,914,329 times
Reputation: 2106
Quote:
Originally Posted by Avery_Harper View Post
IF she takes her baby to a baby dump, she could face charges for lying to the authorities that the father is unknown, or that he doesn't want his child.
That's not accurate. If you use the save haven law you can do so anonymously and are not required to answer any questions. You can just turn the baby into an approved facility like a hospital, fire station or police station and walk out, no questions asked. Well, the person receiving the baby may ask questions about family health history and stuff like that but they also have to inform the parent that they don't have to answer a single question.
If you use the safe haven law, or whatever it's called in your state, you WILL NOT FACE ANY CRIMINAL CHARGES at all as long as you do it within the allowed time frame which varies from state to state (usually a week or two after birth).
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-27-2013, 12:27 AM
 
1,851 posts, read 2,987,537 times
Reputation: 2365
Quote:
Originally Posted by Avery_Harper View Post
Can you explain exactly what you mean by "he is trying to block the adoption"? Also, what state do the prospective parents call their legal residency? I've also read ahead on the thread. IF she takes her baby to a baby dump, she could face charges for lying to the authorities that the father is unknown, or that he doesn't want his child. She doesn't have to parent, but she needs to know that the father of the baby does have legal rights to his child.
There is no such thing as a "baby dump." The correct term is Safe Haven. If a baby is dumped, the responsible party would likely face criminal charges for murder.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-27-2013, 07:41 PM
 
Location: California
167 posts, read 153,419 times
Reputation: 177
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaded View Post
There is no such thing as a "baby dump." The correct term is Safe Haven. If a baby is dumped, the responsible party would likely face criminal charges for murder.
I disagree. The analogy used for baby "safe haven" to baby dumps is apropos. No sugar coating it...It's state sanctioned child abandonment aka as legal dumping of a baby to an unknown fate.

Last edited by Avery_Harper; 04-27-2013 at 07:52 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-27-2013, 07:54 PM
 
Location: California
167 posts, read 153,419 times
Reputation: 177
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizita View Post
That's not accurate. If you use the save haven law you can do so anonymously and are not required to answer any questions. You can just turn the baby into an approved facility like a hospital, fire station or police station and walk out, no questions asked. Well, the person receiving the baby may ask questions about family health history and stuff like that but they also have to inform the parent that they don't have to answer a single question.
If you use the safe haven law, or whatever it's called in your state, you WILL NOT FACE ANY CRIMINAL CHARGES at all as long as you do it within the allowed time frame which varies from state to state (usually a week or two after birth).
Well, some would say you've just described a closed adoption, a new improved way for those wishing to avoid the pesky birthparents, where the child comes with no identifying information, and the state says it's just fine and dandy to pretend we don't know who daddy is.

And then when the child reaches adulthood, his loving afamily will not be able to comprehend why junior or ms. juniorette is not eternally grateful for being saved from being drowned in the toilet, or left to be abandoned at the local Walmart parking lot in the dead of winter. ::extreme sarcasm::
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-27-2013, 11:22 PM
 
1,851 posts, read 2,987,537 times
Reputation: 2365
Quote:
Originally Posted by Avery_Harper View Post
I disagree. The analogy used for baby "safe haven" to baby dumps is apropos. No sugar coating it...It's state sanctioned child abandonment aka as legal dumping of a baby to an unknown fate.
Well, I'm a glass half-full kind of gal. So, for every baby you say is "dumped", I whole-heartedly believe will end up in the loving arms, warm crib, and wonderful family. These beautiful babies will be raised by parents who want them and who can provide for them. No birth father to worry about, so the birth mother can rest assured that her newborn won't have to face the same fear or fate she did when dealing with him (bfather).

Now that you've prompted me to think about it longer, it may be best if this mother utilized the safe haven laws in her state. It's a win-win for her and her unborn child...oh wait, it's another win for the adopting family! Thanks for the advice.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-28-2013, 01:17 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
1,105 posts, read 2,914,329 times
Reputation: 2106
Quote:
Originally Posted by Avery_Harper View Post
Well, some would say you've just described a closed adoption, a new improved way for those wishing to avoid the pesky birthparents, where the child comes with no identifying information, and the state says it's just fine and dandy to pretend we don't know who daddy is.
That's not the case at all. I'm talking about the act of relinquishment of the baby. Adoption has really nothing to do with it and may not even happen. In many states the surrendering parent could even get the baby back. The safe haven laws does not exist for the benefit of AP's who don't want to deal with pesky birthparents. It exists with the hopes that it will save lives of babies to avoid them being put in unsafe places. Whether it actually does that or not is another story but it has nothing to do with pleasing AP's.
It also has nothing to do with the state saying that it's okay to pretend we don't know who daddy is. The state is saying that a parent of a newborn doesn't have to give any info at all. They don't have to say a single thing and of course not pretend they don't know who daddy is. The mother doesn't even have to say who she is. The parent will definitely not face any charges as long as the baby is surrendered within the allowed time.

Quote:
And then when the child reaches adulthood, his loving afamily will not be able to comprehend why junior or ms. juniorette is not eternally grateful for being saved from being drowned in the toilet, or left to be abandoned at the local Walmart parking lot in the dead of winter. ::extreme sarcasm::
Why do you assume that these "loving" afamily will expect eternal gratefulness? I'm curious, do you have a negative opinion of AP's in general?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-28-2013, 01:31 AM
 
Location: North Jackson
1,969 posts, read 3,174,681 times
Reputation: 2537
How does this guy get 6 different women into bed, each without birth control? Does he look like George Clooney or Denzel Washington? Does he have a gift of gab, such that he can sell ice water to an Eskimo? He clearly doesn't have the money to shower women with gifts. Does he have the ability to find lonely, needy women, with low self esteem, and make them feel beautiful?

Sent from my SPH-M950 using Tapatalk 2
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 04-28-2013, 10:26 AM
 
Location: California
167 posts, read 153,419 times
Reputation: 177
Though this study is 10 years old, I see no evidence that anything has changed to minimize the study's findings. If someone has something that disproves safe haven laws are NOT causing more problems than they solve, please post
Quote:
New Study Shows Safe Haven Laws Causing Problems Not Solving Them - Press Release

Study: "Safe Haven" Laws Causing Problems, Not Solving Them


Evan B. Donaldson Institute Issues Major New Study
ADOPTION NATION EDUCATION INITIATIVE
Unintended Consequences: 'Safe Haven' Laws are Causing Problems, Not Solving Them


(New York: March 10, 2003) - In a surprising development that reshapes the debate on a hugely popular public policy, a major new report raises troubling questions about the effectiveness and consequences of so-called "safe haven" laws.

The report - based on the most extensive research to date on the issue - shows that safe haven laws not only do not solve the problem of unsafe infant abandonment, but actually may encourage women to conceal pregnancies and then abandon infants who otherwise would have been placed for adoption through established legal procedures or been raised by relatives.

Safe haven laws are having other serious negative consequences and undermine established child-welfare and protection practices, adds the report by the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute. The Institute is an independent think tank and one of the country's pre-eminent policy, education and research organizations studying adoption-related issues.

The Adoption Institute will hold a roundtable discussion at its headquarters in New York on Friday, March 14, from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m., on infant abandonment. About a dozen of the most prominent child welfare, adoption and infant abandonment experts in the country - from diverse disciplines and with a variety of views on theissue - will participate in the session, which will explore existing laws and possible alternatives.

With little public debate, research or scrutiny, 42 state Legislatures have passed laws creating "safe havens" during the last three years. Their intent is admirable: to save infants whose lives are placed at risk, and who sometimes die, when they are deserted in trash receptacles, bathrooms and other dangerous places. Because lawmakers have moved so quickly, however, usually in response to one or more well-publicized incidents in their states, they typically have not studied the causes of abandonment, conducted research to determine the most effective response, or collected data to evaluate the efficacy of the laws they have enacted.

"There's no question that we have to do all we can to save babies' lives," said Adam Pertman, the Executive Director of the Adoption Institute. "But we, as a society, simply haven't done our homework before acting. For instance, examining the evidence, there's no reason to think that infants left at 'safe havens' would necessarily have been deserted if such facilities didn't exist - so it seems we're encouraging a practice that we normally disdain: child abandonment. And if the ultimate goal is to prevent such incidents, then the solution has to address the problem's roots - which current laws don't even pretend to do."

The new study, researched and published by the Adoption Institute, concludes that contrary to the assertions of their advocates, there is no evidence that "safe haven" statutes are working - principally because they do not address the causes of the problem. They also appear to be causing negative, unintended consequences.Pertman, Executive Director In addition to undermining adoptions conducted through established legal procedures, the negative consequences include:
  • creating the opportunity for upset family members, disgruntled boyfriends, or others who have no legal rights, to abandon babies without the mothers' consent;
  • inducing abandonment by women who otherwise would not have done so because it is perceived as "easier" than receiving parenting counseling or making an adoption plan;
  • depriving biological fathers of their legal right to care for their sons or daughters, even if they have the desire and personal resources to do so;
  • ensuring that the children who are abandoned can never learn their genealogical or medical histories, even when the consequences for their health are dire;
  • precluding the possibility of contact and/or the exchange of medical or personal information between birth parents and children in the future; and
  • sending a signal, especially to young people, that they do not necessarily have to assume responsibility for their actions and that deserting one's children is acceptable.
The Adoption Institute's research indicates that safe haven laws are based on flawed premises. That is, they typically provide anonymity and immunity from prosecution for people who leave infants at safe havens,assuming that the fear of being identified or prosecuted is a major motivation for women to leave their infants in dangerous circumstances. There is no evidence to support that supposition. Moreover, research shows that anonymity ultimately undermines the legal interests of the children and their birth parents, while creating a host of unintended, negative consequences such as those noted above. The Adoption Institute's study indicates that any policy aimed at solving this problem should therefore incorporate the following elements, which address the current laws' deficiencies and offer children a more secure future:
  • researching the causes of abandonment to better tailor an effective policy response;
  • educating students, teachers, parents, counselors and clergy about how to identify concealed pregnancies, and enabling affected teenagers and women to get help;
  • providing confidential counseling to at-risk pregnant teens and women about prenatal care and safe alternatives for their babies, such as care by other biological family members or adoption, when they cannot or do not want to parent; and
  • making educational materials and support services available that would help mothers, fathers, and other biological relatives raise infants when they wish to do so.
Additionally, infant abandonment laws are not informed by (and often contradict) the accepted best practices of existing child-welfare practices and adoption laws. "The bottom line,"says the report, "is that anonymous legal abandonment is contrary to our cultural ethics and well-conceived public policies that promote the safety and welfare of newborns and their mothers."

The Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute is an independent, non-profit organization with no affiliations to any constituency or interest group. Its objective is to improve the livesof everyone touched by adoption - especially children - by providing accurate, research-based information that will lead to more ethical, effective and informed policies, practices and laws. Since its establishment in 1996, the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute has been a pre-eminent, independent voice for improving adoption for everyone it touches - particularly children - through innovative programs, educational initiatives, research and analysis, and advocacy for better practices, policies and laws.

Full text of the press release and study can be found at the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute Web site.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Adoption
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 08:42 AM.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top