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Old 05-18-2013, 06:56 AM
 
2 posts, read 3,107 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chuckster23 View Post
Having just recently received my original birth certificate, I have located both my birth mother and my birth father. They are not likely acquainted, yet both are alive an 86 years old. They were 19 when I was born and given up for adoption. Worried about contacting an 86 year old who is (now) single-divorced and living alone. I don't wish to spook her. Can anyone recommend any agencies to advise me on this? I'm obviously running out of time to move forward.

Hi sorry I can't help you out but wish you luck hope you managed to meet up with your birth family.. I was hoping that you could help me??? I have a grand child who is sadly going to be adopted I am unable to take her on myself due to very bad health but do have her birth brother. I want to make a book for when she is older to send with her but don't know what question she may want to ask?? I have put in our family tree and told her that she was love by us with all our hearts. I have asked other family members to add a little about them selves but don't want to leave the BIG QUESTION out if there is one. Hope someone out there can help? I DONT HAVE TO MUCH TIME TO COMPLEAT IT.
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Old 05-18-2013, 07:24 AM
 
1,024 posts, read 984,035 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ourlittlegirl View Post
Hi sorry I can't help you out but wish you luck hope you managed to meet up with your birth family.. I was hoping that you could help me??? I have a grand child who is sadly going to be adopted I am unable to take her on myself due to very bad health but do have her birth brother. I want to make a book for when she is older to send with her but don't know what question she may want to ask?? I have put in our family tree and told her that she was love by us with all our hearts. I have asked other family members to add a little about them selves but don't want to leave the BIG QUESTION out if there is one. Hope someone out there can help? I DONT HAVE TO MUCH TIME TO COMPLEAT IT.
Hi,

First & foremost I am so sorry you are unable to raise your grand daughter & that she may have to be separated from her family. I was adopted as an infant & did not have the chance to reunite with mine until my mid-twenties.

The ancestry information is great, because that was always something I wanted to know.

I can also tell you growing up I wanted lots of photographs. I especially wanted to know what my mother, father, siblings, & grandparents looked like (as kids, teens, & adults). At times it was hard coping with the fact that they were such a mystery to me -- not knowing what they looked like, who I looked like, what kind of people they were now, what they were they like at my age?

Most people get to experience sitting around bonding with family, discussing memories & who shares what features. I wanted to experience that, too. Having a copy of a family photo album with notes would have made that possible.

Was her mother girly girl or a tomboy growing up? Did her father play sports? What was their favorite food, music, color, etc?

I also wish I had a copy of my original birth certificate. That is very important for you to get ASAP because once your granddaughter is adopted it will be sealed from her even as an adult.

These were other questions I asked my mom & dad growing up (most of which they could not answer):

1. Why did my first parents not raise me?
2. Why wasn't I kept in the family (was I unwanted)?
3. Why did no one in the family stay in contact so at the very least they could answer whatever questions were important to me?
4. What time was I born, how much did I weigh?
5. Who was there when I was born, how much time did I spend with family?
6. What kind of interests/jobs did they have? For example, was anyone an artist like me?
7. Would anyone in the family be interested in knowing me?
8. If so, how could I contact family if or when I was ready to get to know them?


I would recommend making a photo album that is full of all age appropriate information, facts, & letters. Then I would make a separate letter detailing the whole truth as to why & exactly how they came to be adopted, which they can read when they are older. They will probably want to know this information in the words of their mother, father, you, versus from third parties who can give misinformation. Hope this helped. Best of luck to you & your family.

Last edited by thethreefoldme; 05-18-2013 at 08:30 AM..
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Old 05-20-2013, 05:56 AM
 
11,151 posts, read 14,115,713 times
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I'll echo the importance of having a copy of the original birth certificate!

And pictures -- lots of pictures. If you can, don't just include the actual photographs -- also scan them and burn them to a DVD. Who knows what technology will be like in 20 years, but your granddaughter should always be able to access digital files, while hard copy photos may get lost or damaged over time. Can you include contact information so that, when she's old enough, she'll know how to reach family members?

Most importantly, don't forget to include the part about loving her with all your hearts -- that'll be really important for her to know.

Thank you for caring enough to do this for your granddaughter -- best of luck to you all!



.
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Old 05-20-2013, 07:45 AM
 
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Making digital copies (if possible) is a great idea.

& I wanted to add... if you have photos of her ultra-sound, those would be awesome to have, too.

Sometimes when my friends talked about their birth stories, it hurt that I didn't know anything about mine. So if you are making a sort of scrap-book for her perhaps you could write about the first time her mother felt her kick, or what foods she craved while pregnant? Who held her first, second, third, what was it like? If you named her, why was that name chosen for her?

Look at scrapbooks other parents have made for their children... whatever information is in those books, most adoptees will naturally want to know as well. If you start feeling lost or overwhelmed, use an existing one as a template (you can google examples online).

If she is being adopted through an agency, you can let them know you would like to leave letters, photos, updated medical histories, etc, as the years go by. Make sure you keep copies of all of these things for your granddaughter to access as an adult, too. My mother left me letters at the agency that I was supposed to get when I turned 18. I requested them from the agency in my twenties, but they (& the copies) somehow "disappeared."

Now I will never know what my mother & grandmother wrote to me. If someone in the family had kept copies, I would be able to read them now that we are reunited. Hopefully that will not happen to your granddaughter, but you never know.

Last edited by thethreefoldme; 05-20-2013 at 08:33 AM..
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Old 05-20-2013, 10:30 AM
 
Location: Camberville
11,979 posts, read 16,700,390 times
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In addition to all of the wonderful advice above - medical information, updated through the years - is crucial.

My boyfriend's father was adopted, and then proceeded to have several children very young. He and his girlfriend (later wife) had drug issues and my boyfriend's mother was eventually abusive to him - resulting in the children going into the foster care system. My boyfriend's mother died when he was young (and his maternal grandparents were uninvolved/likely dead) and his father died when my boyfriend was a teenager. My boyfriend is close with his paternal grandfather (who spent a lot of time with the kids while they were in foster care but could not take them in himself due to his wife's ailing health) but his grandfather doesn't have any background on his father's biological family. In the 60s, that just wasn't shared.

My boyfriend is now in his late 20s and was diagnosed with advanced glaucoma last year - likely genetic since he does not otherwise fit the profile. He had NO idea he was at a genetic likelihood of getting this illness, but might have known had he had any medical history on either side. He will be blind in the next few years, but currently makes his living as a photographer. His path might have been different if he had any inkling of possible problems up the pike.

My dad has a similar experience - though he was not adopted, just raised by a single mother in the 50s and 60s. He is experiencing all kinds of unexplained health issues that no one on his mother's side has experienced. It would be nice to have his father's side for comparison. That might also do something to help explain why I got cancer at 23 when no one on either side of my family had cancer before the age of 80 (and only a handful at that!).
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Old 06-02-2013, 04:09 AM
 
2 posts, read 3,107 times
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Thank you all so much for the advice lots of info that we hadden thought of ie medical info and dvd both of which we will be doing and copys will be kept....off to get the birth certificate.
Thank you all again xx
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