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View Poll Results: Views on closed adoption?
I am for closed adoptions. 13 30.23%
I am against closed adoptions. 27 62.79%
I do not have an opinion on closed adoptions. 3 6.98%
Voters: 43. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 02-07-2014, 08:44 AM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,604 posts, read 23,166,327 times
Reputation: 48613

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There are quite a few terms and conditions being bantered about here, and I want to get a few things straight.

A "Closed Adoption" is when there is no on going contact with the people who gave birth to your child "birth parents" or with any other biological relatives.

That's all it means.

It does NOT mean that the child will not know that they are adopted. All children should be told that they are adopted as soon as they are old enough to comprehend that information.

It does NOT mean that the child can not know their ethnic heritage.

It does NOT mean that the adoption agency can not collect and transfer medical records when they are available.

It does NOT mean that they child may not know the name of the birth mother or father, if available.

It only means that the matter of adoption closes any physical relationship with the birth parents. They do not exchange gifts or lend money to birth family members. They do not spend holidays together or call on the telephone.
The parents do not need to inform the woman or girl who delivered their child if the are moving or changing addresses.

The adoption is closed and their is no continued contact. A new family is birthed out of the adoption and the birth mother is free to go about her business.

There are psychologists who think that this is best for all concerned, and there are those who think that an open adoption is better.

Quite honestly, there is a self proclaimed specialist who will back almost anything.

This is a case where I think parents need to go with their guts. If you are comfortable sharing special occasions, time and information with a birth mother, that is your prerogative.

I am not. And most people still prefer the "closed adoption model".

Some people capitulate to an Open Adoption when they are really not comfortable with it, because they want a "healthy white new born", and many American teen mothers seem to be demanding this. I'm not a fan of "having your cake and eating it too", and there is way too much potential drama in this situation.

So we opted for international adoption. Race did not matter, so we chose Korea. She was not a newborn, and she came home at four months.

She will be eighteen this month and she is an honors student with a 4.30 average.
We are so proud of her!
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Old 02-08-2014, 07:42 PM
 
18,853 posts, read 31,647,356 times
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I have a close friend who is adopted, he found his birth Mother, she introduced him to his birth Father. That is it. She refuses to allow him to meet her family. He has half brothers and sisters, she states her family does not know of his existence, and she prefers to keep it that way. His birth Father feels the same way.

How sad is that? Rejection, all the way around. No warm family reunion there. They have not kept in touch. I think he would have been better off, having a completely closed arrangement.
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Old 02-09-2014, 10:42 AM
 
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Everyone has a right to find out about their gene pool. Biological parents have a right to know that kid is getting proper care. Only drawback is when biological parents aren't good people and try to disrupt child's life or take advantage of adoptive couple. That can be a complex situation.
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Old 02-09-2014, 06:00 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,604 posts, read 23,166,327 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12 View Post
I have a close friend who is adopted, he found his birth Mother, she introduced him to his birth Father. That is it. She refuses to allow him to meet her family. He has half brothers and sisters, she states her family does not know of his existence, and she prefers to keep it that way. His birth Father feels the same way.

How sad is that? Rejection, all the way around. No warm family reunion there. They have not kept in touch. I think he would have been better off, having a completely closed arrangement.

These are the exact reasons why I support a closed adoption.

There was no rejection in your friend's home.

It came when he looked into his biological past. And it isn't rejection, It's people who are trying to get on with their lives, and live them in a discrete fashion. By "discrete" I mean closed and apart.

That was why an adoption plan was made in the first place. Because that woman was not ready to parent that child.

I think that is there right. Not everyone wants a "happy reunion".

Closed adoptions afford everyone the privacy that they need. Not everyone wants to be "searched for".
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Old 02-09-2014, 09:49 PM
 
26,160 posts, read 15,313,822 times
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Unhappy  

Quote:
Originally Posted by jasper12
I have a close friend who is adopted, he found his birth Mother, she introduced him to his birth Father. That is it. She refuses to allow him to meet her family. He has half brothers and sisters, she states her family does not know of his existence, and she prefers to keep it that way. His birth Father feels the same way.

How sad is that? Rejection, all the way around. No warm family reunion there. They have not kept in touch. I think he would have been better off, having a completely closed arrangement.
Thats very sad,i feel bad for him.. Like to give him a big hug and tell him there are ppl who care about him!!

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Old 02-10-2014, 10:54 AM
 
9,990 posts, read 6,281,121 times
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1. Are you an adoptee? No

2. Are you a parent who adopted their child? No

3. Are you a parent who adopted a child? No

4. What are your views on closed adoptions? I'm generally opposed. However, when there was/is no alternative, I think it is better to have the child placed with a family than remain in an institution.

Last edited by Jaded; 02-11-2014 at 01:59 AM.. Reason: Removed off-topic question
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Old 02-10-2014, 07:23 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,604 posts, read 23,166,327 times
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Yes, there are many reasons why an adoption plan is made, but for the most part, it is because the pregnancy was not planned. Add to that, some women do not believe in abortion or abortion is unavailable to them. In most situations involving the adoption of a very young child, (infant or baby) this is the reason

As you know I have a daughter adopted from Korea. She was told from an early age that her mother was unwed and that she wanted to return to school and not to raise a baby at that point in her life.
Since we do not believe in teenage parenting, as a family, and our daughter and son share our values of education first, marriage second, and baby last; this was an easy concept to explain.

She never once felt rejected. She has no interest in meeting bmom and knows that this woman, a South Korean; is in her 30s now and probably has her own family. She also has respect for the woman who delivered her. For her unemotional and unselfish choice.

Any questions about ancestry or disease can be solved by a DNA test She has wondered if she is fully Korean for a number of reasons. So, if she wants this, we will pay for it.

Sealed records are the law in Korea She knows her birth name and what it means. It is not part of her legal name. That was her choice.

Where you miss the point, Susankate; is that the "plight of birthmoms" is not of interest to most adoptive children or parents. I do not support any help or assistance in my own country for girls under 21 to keep their babies. I support educational help, but not parenting help.

Birth control dispensed by school nurses to teens who are sexually active? I'm all on board!

In other words - education and prevention - not accommodation.

By the way, in many American upper middle class, university educated families, having a child out of wedlock is still a tabu. My family and our extended family are one of them. We are politically liberal by the way.

Last edited by Jaded; 02-11-2014 at 02:04 AM.. Reason: Removed deleted post and reference to it
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Old 02-10-2014, 09:25 PM
 
1,097 posts, read 1,729,483 times
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I think there is still murky definition here. I'm not sure what the OP saw as closed. To my mind it means no contact with the birth family during the growing years, as opposed to an open adoption where the possibility of continuing contact exists. Closed does not preclude eventually having records open to an adult adoptee. It would be difficult to make a blanket choice between closed and open adoption and I believe that the parties involved are in a better position to make that choice. Basically in infant adoption, the birth mother holds the power[for a while] and can refuse to agree to a closed or open adoption, hopefully understanding that open adoptions rely greatly on the integrity of the adoptive parents as they are pretty much unenforceable.

Sealed records are a totally separate issue - though in a open adoption is is fairly clear with continuing contact info on birth parents would be known. In closed adoption, even with no contact, records can be available to the adult adoptee. "Closed" adoption carries no guarantee that your adult child will never have access to info on their birth family.

As an aside: DNA is certainly no magic answer for an adoptee. The popular and cheaper versions are not reliable for medical history and depending on the type of testing can limit results as to heritage. If someone is going this route be sure to do a lot of research ahead of time on types of testing, what kind & amount of data goes into any kind of comparative or presumptive results, what factors limit results and in what ways.
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Old 02-11-2014, 02:47 AM
 
1,851 posts, read 2,982,658 times
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Just to clear up the confusion that some have expressed here, this thread is not about sealed records. It's about closed vs open adoptions. In all but a very small handful of states, records are sealed, regardless of the adoption being closed or open. So the issues are not the same.

Adopting - Open versus Closed

''Open'' or ''Closed'' Adoption? - FamilyEducation.com

Feel free to start a new thread to specifically discuss Sealed Records in adoption. Thanks!
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Old 02-11-2014, 10:45 AM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,483 posts, read 43,645,104 times
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sheena- you continue to amaze me with your willingness to try to educate about adoption and you are doing a great job.
however i disagree with you on one point. I consider my 2 adopted daughters brought home by age 4 months and even the last daughter brought home at 7 months to be newborns---as newborn as you can get with most international adoptions. Our oldes was 3 months old when she came home from Korea. She weighed 6 lbs 4 oz at birth and only weighed 7.4 at 3 months so she was even smaller than our birth child the day he was born! The child didn't let go of that bottle for her first 2 months home and blew up so fast we nicknamed her The Happy Basketball!
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