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View Poll Results: Views on closed adoption?
I am for closed adoptions. 13 30.23%
I am against closed adoptions. 27 62.79%
I do not have an opinion on closed adoptions. 3 6.98%
Voters: 43. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 02-11-2014, 03:45 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,586 posts, read 23,126,842 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
sheena- you continue to amaze me with your willingness to try to educate about adoption and you are doing a great job.
however i disagree with you on one point. I consider my 2 adopted daughters brought home by age 4 months and even the last daughter brought home at 7 months to be newborns---as newborn as you can get with most international adoptions. Our oldes was 3 months old when she came home from Korea. She weighed 6 lbs 4 oz at birth and only weighed 7.4 at 3 months so she was even smaller than our birth child the day he was born! The child didn't let go of that bottle for her first 2 months home and blew up so fast we nicknamed her The Happy Basketball!

My daughter was four months old also, and I thought of her as an infant as well.

However, one of the reasons for the continued popularity of Domestic Infant Adoption, is the desire of some women, to mother a baby "hot off the press" "right out of the oven", so to speak.

Literally "newborn".

I think that there are many reasons for this. I'll list a few -

1. Desire to control and be a part of, in as much as that is possible; the birth experience. Many Domestic Infant Adoptive Parents want to be present at the time of the birth. They also want to choose the OB/GYN. And watch it happen.

2. General mistrust of "foreign" health care practices.

3. The desire to replicate, as closely as possible; the biological parenting experience. This would not involve taking a three or four month home. But a newborn.

I have a confession to make. I'm not a new born person.
So that was never an issue for me.

Also, to be fair, I have secondary infertility, and I had the opportunity to have a newborn. So I will refrain from judging.

The willingness of some couples to capitulate to the caprices and demands of some birth mothers, is inextricably linked for their craving for a "healthy, usually-white-but not always new born."

That's the main reason that any degree of "openness" is tolerated by prospective adoptive parents.

I'll add, the trend, especially among working class whites to accept, or even encourage their teenage daughters to "keep their baby".

That's why we went to a foreign country. We also had no desire to witness our daughter's birth or ever be in that intimate of a situation with the birth mother.

Last edited by sheena12; 02-11-2014 at 03:49 PM.. Reason: corrected something.
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Old 02-11-2014, 05:05 PM
 
Location: Howard County, Maryland
1,539 posts, read 1,710,377 times
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I haven't read all the replies, but I hope people realize that there are degrees of open adoptions and degrees of closed adoptions; its not all or nothing. I think when most people think of closed adoption they think of international adoptions. My daughter's adoption is what I call semi-closed. We send letters/pictures to the agency and they hold them for her birthmother should she request them. However no identifying information was ever exchanged. But we are pretty fortunate that her birthmother filled out a very extensive personal history packet should my daughter ever want that. Also, we found out birthmother's first and last name at the hospital by accident, which led to my husband finding pictures of her and her family online. We will always respect her privacy and will not contact her. But I am grateful we have all of this information that so many do not have. I tried to look at the situation through my daughter's eyes, and not my own fears.
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Old 02-11-2014, 06:41 PM
 
1,097 posts, read 1,727,503 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thatguydownsouth View Post
I was adopted a few weeks after being born in a closed adoption. I love my adoptive parents and they have truly made me feel like I was their own genetic child. However there is definitely a void in my heart knowing that I will never be able to know who my family really is. Parents arent the only people in a family. I have a brother out there somewhere according to what little documents I was given. I have aunts, uncles, grandparents, family history, genealogy, stories, medical conditions....all of which I will never know about unless I sign up with the Florida registry and my adoptive parents ALSO happen to sign up, even though they specified that they do not want me in their life. In time time and age where you can find out anything and everything about total strangers, its very strange to me that you are blocked, by the government, from knowing who your genetic family is.

Thoughts?
I went back and re-read the OP. It seems that he regrets not being able to learn about his birth family. The "closed" adoption that he is describing is not what current terminology differentiates from "open". I don't think he regrets not having ongoing contact with them as a child,which is what what "open" means today, but rather being cut off from ever knowing anything about them.

While I might agree that "closed contact" adoption is appropriate for some families, just like "open contact" adoption is for others; the closed adoption he describes with no access to birth family information ever, if the adult adoptee desires it, is something which I think is not good for adoptees.
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Old 03-25-2014, 09:06 PM
 
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I think it depends on the situation, the family's reason for adoption, and the age of the child adopted. Nothing in adoption is clear cut and each situation deserves its own set of parameters. So, I'm indifferent. If it works for your family, good, if not, I don't think a family should be condemned or made to feel guilty about their personal decision.
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Old 03-27-2014, 09:25 PM
 
Location: Portland, Oregon
543 posts, read 999,899 times
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As an adopted individual, I am very much in favor of open adoption. I think it comes down to control and trust. Parents who adopt may be afraid that their child will "love their birth family more than them" should they actually meet them. They may say they are wanting to protect the child.. but from what? Of course there is a risk that they may discover some issues that aren't pleasant, but as is stated here quite a bit. For me, and many others, there is a hole in one's being that can be filled somewhat with the information about their past.

However, some adoptees (and birth parents) feel that if they can just find their lost relative, that ALL their problems will go away. This isn't really true, as many have discovered. You still have to work on your own stuff... it may be different stuff, but finding one's roots is just part of an individual's makeup. It is not the whole "fix it."

An open adoption is NOT a guarantee that there would even be a relationship.. It is simply allowing the OPTION to search or discover one's genetic roots - as well as health and ancestral stories. Nothing wrong with creating a larger family, IMO.
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Old 03-29-2014, 10:07 AM
 
Location: S. Florida
1,100 posts, read 2,654,836 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thatguydownsouth View Post
I want to know what others opinions are on closed adoption. This is an adoption where the child is not allowed to know who their parents are without going through EXTREMELY difficult loops, if at all possible.

1. Are you an adoptee? NO

2. Are you a parent who adopted their child?

3. Are you a parent who adopted a child? YES

4. What are your views on closed adoptions?

Background: I was adopted a few weeks after being born in a closed adoption. I love my adoptive parents and they have truly made me feel like I was their own genetic child. However there is definitely a void in my heart knowing that I will never be able to know who my family really is. Parents arent the only people in a family. I have a brother out there somewhere according to what little documents I was given. I have aunts, uncles, grandparents, family history, genealogy, stories, medical conditions....all of which I will never know about unless I sign up with the Florida registry and my adoptive parents ALSO happen to sign up, even though they specified that they do not want me in their life. In time time and age where you can find out anything and everything about total strangers, its very strange to me that you are blocked, by the government, from knowing who your genetic family is.

Thoughts?

My daughter was adopted through an open adoption plan. I have access to ALL of her birth mother's information (SS#, dob, maiden name, etc). So if she wants to re-connect with her in the future, we can always find her. I am grateful for that.

I understand why many adoptive parents go the closed adoption route. It is MY personal opinion that the basic core of choosing a closed adoption plan, is the avoidance/fear of birth parents. Again, this is just MY personal opinion, and does NOT mean I am correct, and I do not intend to cause a debate.

Last edited by Jaded; 03-30-2014 at 01:40 AM.. Reason: Removed identifying and slandering information. Please read upthread about staying on-topic.
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Old 04-02-2014, 04:22 PM
 
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I am a birth mother.

I am against the notion that a young woman can place a child for adoption - ensuring that the child will have more and better than she could have provided, and she gets to skip the work - but then still gets ongoing involvement. That is ultimately selfish. Having your cake and eating it too!

I am also against the falsify the birth certificate, act as if genetics don't exist and bar the grown adoptee from their own heritage approach. That is just as selfish, to the benefit of only the adoptive parents.

But a closed adoption wherein an adopted child can reach their majority and be provided with basic bios and a mailing address? That I approve of.
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Old 04-02-2014, 04:43 PM
 
Location: Alexandria, VA
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I was adopted shortly after being born. My biological family was friends with the woman who became my mother, so I've known my biological family all my life. I couldn't support depriving a child of knowing their blood heritage simply so the parents can avoid temporarily feeling guilty. I think it's very important that eventually everyone wants to know the family that birthed them even if they end up displeased with them.

So no, I don't agree with closed adoptions. It could cause a lot of pain and a missing piece of the puzzle of life down the road.
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Old 04-02-2014, 05:45 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rohirette View Post
I am a birth mother.

I am against the notion that a young woman can place a child for adoption - ensuring that the child will have more and better than she could have provided, and she gets to skip the work - but then still gets ongoing involvement. That is ultimately selfish. Having your cake and eating it too!

I am also against the falsify the birth certificate, act as if genetics don't exist and bar the grown adoptee from their own heritage approach. That is just as selfish, to the benefit of only the adoptive parents.

But a closed adoption wherein an adopted child can reach their majority and be provided with basic bios and a mailing address? That I approve of.
But the birth certificate isn't falsified. It's updated/changed to reflect the legal parents. Genetics are not what a birth certificate is meant to identify. It's not a genealogical chart. It is meant to identify the legal parents of the child and the particulars about the child at birth: weight, length, time of birth, country of birth...

This is why if one is adopted, obtaining his/her birth certificate should not be viewed as looking at "a lie." It's not a document that has been falsified. It has been revised and replaced. Further, it should never be used to confirm or validate paternity either, which is why courts use actual DNA tests to confirm this type of information.

Birth certificates benefit the state's need to record live births which are then reported to the federal government. The intention was never to "only benefit" the adoptive parents; neither was there ever a desire to only benefit the adopted child or only the birth parents. The true benefactors in certificates of live births are government entities.

The fact that these documents are available to be used to trace genealogy is an added bonus...and for some, an incorrect source since the informant can pretty much state whatever she wants. No one verifies the information that's not a measurement or fact such as birth weight and gender: e.g., my grandmother's named father on her certificate is not her father at all. This document has become so misunderstood that I believe in the future there will be no document at all - only electronic data reported to the state about the vital information of the birth.

If an adopted person wants to know who his/her birth parents were and if the adoptive parents don't know, I honestly believe the search should stop there. Otherwise, it will become an obsession and can potentially consume much time that might be better placed elsewhere. This is just my observation.

As for adoption reformers (I guess this is the preferred terminology), IMHO, it's probably best to move on from the battle of OBCs and focus more on the ethical practices of adoptions in the states and abroad. If you want to advocate for mandatory open adoptions then by all means do so. I doubt it will ever become mandatory, but it's a cause that many can appreciate.

Now, let's get back to the topic...Closed adoptions have nothing to do with birth certificates. Open adoptions are a matter of personal preference and agreed upon arrangements between the adoptive parents and the birth parents. But, I do agree with just about everything else in your post.
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Old 04-02-2014, 10:44 PM
 
1,516 posts, read 1,840,596 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaded View Post
But the birth certificate isn't falsified. It's updated/changed to reflect the legal parents. Genetics are not what a birth certificate is meant to identify. It's not a genealogical chart. It is meant to identify the legal parents of the child and the particulars about the child at birth: weight, length, time of birth, country of birth...

This is why if one is adopted, obtaining his/her birth certificate should not be viewed as looking at "a lie." It's not a document that has been falsified. It has been revised and replaced. Further, it should never be used to confirm or validate paternity either, which is why courts use actual DNA tests to confirm this type of information.

Birth certificates benefit the state's need to record live births which are then reported to the federal government. The intention was never to "only benefit" the adoptive parents; neither was there ever a desire to only benefit the adopted child or only the birth parents. The true benefactors in certificates of live births are government entities.

The fact that these documents are available to be used to trace genealogy is an added bonus...and for some, an incorrect source since the informant can pretty much state whatever she wants. No one verifies the information that's not a measurement or fact such as birth weight and gender: e.g., my grandmother's named father on her certificate is not her father at all. This document has become so misunderstood that I believe in the future there will be no document at all - only electronic data reported to the state about the vital information of the birth.

If an adopted person wants to know who his/her birth parents were and if the adoptive parents don't know, I honestly believe the search should stop there. Otherwise, it will become an obsession and can potentially consume much time that might be better placed elsewhere. This is just my observation.

As for adoption reformers (I guess this is the preferred terminology), IMHO, it's probably best to move on from the battle of OBCs and focus more on the ethical practices of adoptions in the states and abroad. If you want to advocate for mandatory open adoptions then by all means do so. I doubt it will ever become mandatory, but it's a cause that many can appreciate.

Now, let's get back to the topic...Closed adoptions have nothing to do with birth certificates. Open adoptions are a matter of personal preference and agreed upon arrangements between the adoptive parents and the birth parents. But, I do agree with just about everything else in your post.
Really great post and sums up my feelings in a very eloquent way.

I always cringe, especially on these boards, when folks start using words like "lies," "falsifying," etc. We are fortunate to have copies of the original birth certificates with biological parent names safely tucked away. First thing we did when we returned to the US was readopting (a painful process) and got revised birth certificates in our state. I can't imagine not having this for practical purposes. Imagine handing their original birth certificate in translated Russian to some nasty bureaucrat trying to get driver's licenses, passports, school registrations. Ouch.

We are their legal parents and this indicated on their revised birth certificates. I'm not just some guardian who is raising my children in the absence of the biological parents. My kids are members of our family, share our family name and have revised (although similar to their Russian ones) names. I am all for adoptees having access to their original birth certificates though and detailed medical information if possible.

The whole open adoption issue--as I said before, each case is different. It really has to be an agreement between the biological parent and the prospective adoptive parent and their comfort level. In the case of abuse, neglect or someone with psychiatric problems, a more open arrangement could be detrimental and dangerous to the child and their adoptive families.
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