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Old 04-06-2014, 09:39 AM
Location: S. Florida
1,100 posts, read 2,656,756 times
Reputation: 1419


Originally Posted by Liza56 View Post
Hi, for everybody! I'm so devastated, completely depressed and upset. I have a friend we've qot aquainted in one fertility clinic, both couldn't have children. We started our friendship since that meeting, it was a person who understood me as no one else bcz had the same problem. it was easier to withdrew everything together. When time comes to make a serious choice what to do further we with DH decided to adopt a child and Nikki (my friend) decided to use services of surrogate mother. I hvae nth against surrogacy but it seemed to me that adoption was a chance to become parents and to help a child to have parents. We wanted to adopt a boy from Russia. His name is Daniyil.

We waited for 2,5 years to take him home, but there always were some troubles, with documents, with date of departure, with some other things abt which we with DH have heared for the first time. And finally after 2,5 yesrs of waiting we were refused to take our boy home bcz, as we were said, government of Russian Federation forbidded adoption for couples from abroad. We spent 2,5 years, we went to Russia each 1,5-2 month, to see our son and to ask what we should do further. Meanwhile Nikki was with baby already. They used services of surrogate mother and in a year they have their newborn daughter. And we wanted to adopt 6 yo boy and now he is 9 already and still not our son officially but I used to think that he is our son and now I should use to think that he'll never be with us. In orphanage we were asked not to come anymore!!!!!!!!

I don't know how it can be like this, it is not fair. I start to envy my friend when see her walking with her DD. I don't want to ruin our friendship, I don't know what to do further. It is so hard to smile to Nikki when she is with her little angel....also I can't share with her my thoughts andproblems anymore, she is mother already and I'm not, we are an the different places now. Why it
had happened with me??!!!!
I am a mom to an adopted child and a biological child. I am so very sorry to hear about what happened to you with the Russian Federation. What a horrible experience. I adopted my daughter through a domestic open adoption plan. Great experience! I HIGHLY recommend this woman. If you are interested in learning more, please send me an email.
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Old 04-07-2014, 05:31 AM
4 posts, read 4,380 times
Reputation: 23
I'm so thankful for all of you!!! I received such great support here, I even didn't suppose to receive so many pieces of advice and so great support. Thank you all for being involved and sharing your stories and thoughts.
I completely agree that it is not a competitions who will have child and who'll not. But, unfortunately, we can't choose feelings((( I hate when in mind you understand that it is not right to feel jealous and envy but in heart you have something like "storm of feeling". I'm trying to be happy for Nikki and it seems to me I am but it is still hard to meet with her and her baby, so I made a decision not to meet with her for some time. Want to give some time for myself to place everything to the right places in my heart and in my mind. Of course, we communicate by phone, msngs, Internet))) She writes me sweet messages and I see that she doesn't want our friendship to end. And it helps me, she had a child but she didn't forget abt me. Every day or in a day she asks me about my deals, about my decisions what to do further, propose her help in case if she can help. I appreciate her attitude to me and hate myself that I can't be just normal friend without all this stupidity from my side!!! Hope soon I'll be ok with all this.
As for diagnosis I have POF, probaly it is not a problem to use donated eggs, I think, but doc said that the process of carrying itself can damage me or child,there are risks, so I don't want to risk...or maybe it is worth to try?
If to talk abt next step...I don't know, I really don't know, I'm sitting at home now and just don't know where to go, where to start, finally WHAT to start. I don't think adoption now will be the best way out, I'm still thinking abt our boy and it will be hard to take another child. I know that there are a lot of children who needs home and family. But for today's day it seems to me rather early to be with another child. I agree with @no kudzu that probably there is no matter how child came to you via adoption or surrogacy or smth else, main point is being a mother.
But I need guarantee that I'll have my child, that if I'll use local adoption I wouldn't be cutted off, that if I'll use surrogacy mother wouldn't refuse to give baby back...want to have guarantee, want to be sure that my attempts will bring positive result & we finally complete our family.
Sorry, for the stupid question but do anybody know where I can find this guarantee?
Thank you all once again, thank you that I'm not alone XXXXX
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Old 04-07-2014, 06:01 AM
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,481 posts, read 43,627,993 times
Reputation: 47230
Sweetheart- and I don't mean that in a condescending way--tthere are no guarantees in life and certainly not in building a family either through adoption or medical ways. The best you can do is use reliable resources to meet your goals. Don't take shortcuts by using people who have not proven their trustworthiness or legality. Again it is up to you and your partner to do research, due diligence to make sure you are going the correct way. There are many infertility support groups. Ask your physicain to direct you in the right way.

you have already found that international adoption is risky. Hell just getting out of bed every morning is risky. There are no guarantees in anything in life.

We lost several children through no fault of our own. I held a 7 year old girl in my arms, gave her pictures of her new family, told her I was her mother and would come back for her in Vietnam and promised to always love her. A few hours later the facilatator said "Oopsie- that little girl cannot be adopted yet or probably ever so we better go to another orphanage." I think about little Tuyet every day and that was 12 years ago. You hurt, you cry and you heal but you never forget.
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Old 04-14-2014, 02:37 AM
1 posts, read 621 times
Reputation: 10
Hey, it is so difficult and so sad. When you see the child and hold him in your arms it is so hard to be separated( I don't know what ppl feel when such things are happening but I can imagine how difficult and frustrative it is. I support all those women who have strenth to fight with such problemsand who have strenth to move further... Don't give up and don't lose hope!
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Old 04-15-2014, 01:56 AM
4 posts, read 4,380 times
Reputation: 23
Yes, it is not easy and I started to notice that it became difficult for me to cope with it by myself. Of course, my DH is really supportive and I'm so thankful him for that. But still I feel that I need some other kind of help...it is not easy for me to admit that but think I really need to go to the psychologist(((
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