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Old 09-29-2014, 08:40 AM
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,601 posts, read 23,161,280 times
Reputation: 48600


Originally Posted by magicshark View Post
Just looking for advice or guidance from those who might have been in my shoes. I know absolutely no one who has had to deal with anything similar.

We have permanent guardianship of my husband's great nephew, who will be three late November. He has been in our house two years in early March. Both his parents are hard-core heroin addicts. The father, we have heard is in jail in another far away state. The mother has been in and out of jail during this time with her last arrest, this time for prostitution, was last week. The mother has texted me once in all this time to check on him. The father was telling other family members he is sending support and is in contact with us, all lies. The child was in rough shape when we got him. From what we can piece together from DCF and people close to them the baby was very neglected. With a lot of tears and a lot of help from Early Intervention we have made great progress with him.

Now we are in a place where we are torn. We love the little boy and he is a son to us. We would like to adopt but is this the fair or right thing to do? Neither have made even the smallest effort to get their life together or to be a part of their son's life. But...is it too soon to give up on them?

Also as a side question has anyone adopted a child and changed their name? He came with a name that unfortunately we all hate. Right now we call him by a nickname as he didn't seem to know his name when he came to live with us.

Has anyone been here before? We are lost most of the time but we really want to do things right.

You sound very devoted to this child. I would move swiftly to adopt him!

I have two children, one by birth and one by adoption. We named both of our children. If we adopt again, we will name the child.

I'm not surprised that he barely knew his name when he came to you. Kids like that are in survival mode. People who make unfortunate life choices also tend to name their off spring unfortunate names. Give your son a new name and a fresh start!

Best of luck to all of you!
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Old 09-29-2014, 05:48 PM
Location: Massachusetts
3,649 posts, read 2,055,268 times
Reputation: 11746
Thanks everyone. It's really helpful to hear outside perspective. We had contacted a lawyer in late winter but then we started having major problems with my older son and his school district. That took all our concentration and money for an advocate lawyer. So now that is all set so we turned back to seriously thinking of adoption.

It will be a very open adoption. I am still in close contact with the bio mother's family and of course my husband's family is, well I don't want to say involved, more like annoying. Oh don't get me wrong my MIL and FIL are very supportive, as are some of his other brothers. It's just the grandparents(his brother and sister in law) plus the uncle (his other nephew) that are difficult.

I understand about being careful to be very non judgemental when discussing his parents to him.

Thanks again everyone.
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