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Old 05-11-2015, 02:41 PM
 
5 posts, read 3,929 times
Reputation: 29

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As an Adopted Adult who has done Reunions the last 18 years for others searching I'm weighing in here.... More often then not ( especially in the 50's 60's 70's ) things were different... I'm myself asked the Social worker point blank when I was searching fro my roots and Medical History per my DR's request....

Question.... What kind of Mental evaluations were done before handing over an innocen infant to some random couple to raise for a life time??

Response.... Well back then "Nothing" also during. Those decades it only took the consent of a Parent of a pregnant teen to make a "Life Choice" for their child and Grandchild to be adopted out.
This is no longer then case THANK GOD!!! Now a days if a pregnant teen wants to place a child for Adoption it's strictly up to them and a decision can not be overridden by a Parent of a Minor Child who's pregnant, In a perfect world it would have always been this way, Also, Now they have Home Study's, Parenting Classes etc! Thank God for that too! As previously stated the Adopted Infant is the only party in the Adoption Triangle to had "No choice" Singned no Leagal and Binding Agreement which brings me to another point, Shouldn't as an adult ANY Adopted person have all the same Constitutional Rights and Privileges and any other Adult Human being? Your would think that the Obvious answer would be a hands down YES!!! However, Not true, It's like your Labeled for Life the perpetual Child with no legal Rights to your Heritage, Medical History etc.. The funny thing is... The adoptee was ME, Yet, I'm the only one who did not sign a binding contract yet I'm am the ONLY one with 'No Choice' doesn't seem fair or just to me.

And to others here who say they don't guilt trip their adopted children to be grateful, Amen!
Some of us weren't so LUCKY! I remember being told as a small child you'd better be good or we'll give you back or one of my personal Favorites.... I hope you don't grow up to be a **** like your Mother! Wow, I didn't even understand what that work meant! And let's not forget the famous guild trip.... Where would you be if people like me didn't Adopt you? Seriously!!! So in closing just let me say that Adoption is something we should be grateful for!
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Old 05-12-2015, 02:24 AM
 
1,879 posts, read 1,857,654 times
Reputation: 1462
Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
just like it is possible not all victims of burglary feel the same way or all people who get food poisoning should react the same way.
An interesting comparison. As you say, not all victims of burglary or food poisoning will react the same way. I think though that one think that most people would agree that being burgled or getting a bout of food poisoning are pleasant occurences. In regards to luck, a person who has been burgled might considered themselves lucky if very little was stolen but not necessarily consider themselves lucky to have been burgled in the first place. A person with food poisoning might feel lucky that he didn't end up in hospital but not necessarily feel lucky about getting food poisoning in the first place.

Perhaps one of the issues many adoptees do have is that they are expected to consider every part of their adoption to be positive, even the relinquishment. An adoptee might well feel lucky that they ended up with their particular family but they have the right not to feel happy about actually having to be separated from one family to join another, regardless of whether they feel anything for that original family or not. In fact, some adoptees who do consider themselves happy to be adopted might actually wish they had been born into their family - thus they may be happy to be with their adoptive family but would rather not have been born to their unknown biological parents. Thus are those particular adoptees happy to be adopted or would they be better described as being happy with their adoptive families? Other adoptees might well love their adoptive families but feel sad that they were relinquished and have conflicting feelings. They may also not particularly want people to commandeer their own story so that their story is used to encourage women to relinquish their children.

As for the OP, I think I've said it before on this thread but as she is a transracial adoptee, she is more visible than those of us who are the same race as our parents. Thus she would most likely have faced having far more people comment on her being adopted and then telling her that she IS lucky to be adopted without knowing anything about her. She was just trying to tell people that it isn't that simple and that it is not up to other people to TELL HER that she is lucky.

To those on this thread who are adopted parents, I know that many dislike it when people tell THEM that their child is lucky. Why then is it so bad when an adoptee themselves says that they don't consider themselves lucky? Did this adoptee really deserve so many nasty replies on her article? (note that I am talking specifically about the 600 or replies ON her actual article - not the replies on here).

Note also that I am not comparing relinquishment/adoption, burglary or food poisoning with each other - I am noting that one can consider oneself lucky within the situation (i.e burgled but not much taken, not having to go to hospital) but not consider themselves lucky to actually be in the situation in the first place (i.e. being burgled, getting food poisoning in the first place).
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Old 05-12-2015, 05:03 AM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,479 posts, read 43,627,993 times
Reputation: 47225
Susan. you know in no way was I comparing being burgled and having food poisoning to adoption/relinquishment. i was simply pulling things out of the air to say not everybody REACTS to ALL THINGS the same way.
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Old 05-12-2015, 05:57 AM
 
Location: Bella Vista, Ark
71,724 posts, read 83,359,825 times
Reputation: 41564
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just_in_case View Post
As an Adopted Adult who has done Reunions the last 18 years for others searching I'm weighing in here.... More often then not ( especially in the 50's 60's 70's ) things were different... I'm myself asked the Social worker point blank when I was searching fro my roots and Medical History per my DR's request....

Question.... What kind of Mental evaluations were done before handing over an innocen infant to some random couple to raise for a life time??

Response.... Well back then "Nothing" also during. Those decades it only took the consent of a Parent of a pregnant teen to make a "Life Choice" for their child and Grandchild to be adopted out.
This is no longer then case THANK GOD!!! Now a days if a pregnant teen wants to place a child for Adoption it's strictly up to them and a decision can not be overridden by a Parent of a Minor Child who's pregnant, In a perfect world it would have always been this way, Also, Now they have Home Study's, Parenting Classes etc! Thank God for that too! As previously stated the Adopted Infant is the only party in the Adoption Triangle to had "No choice" Singned no Leagal and Binding Agreement which brings me to another point, Shouldn't as an adult ANY Adopted person have all the same Constitutional Rights and Privileges and any other Adult Human being? Your would think that the Obvious answer would be a hands down YES!!! However, Not true, It's like your Labeled for Life the perpetual Child with no legal Rights to your Heritage, Medical History etc.. The funny thing is... The adoptee was ME, Yet, I'm the only one who did not sign a binding contract yet I'm am the ONLY one with 'No Choice' doesn't seem fair or just to me.

And to others here who say they don't guilt trip their adopted children to be grateful, Amen!
Some of us weren't so LUCKY! I remember being told as a small child you'd better be good or we'll give you back or one of my personal Favorites.... I hope you don't grow up to be a **** like your Mother! Wow, I didn't even understand what that work meant! And let's not forget the famous guild trip.... Where would you be if people like me didn't Adopt you? Seriously!!! So in closing just let me say that Adoption is something we should be grateful for!
OMG, what a horrible thing to tell a child. We did the opposite wtih our kids, we assured them their biological moms were good people and loved them so much they were willing to give them away so they could have a better life.

Now, as for background or evaluation tests in the 60s and 70s. No, there were no mental evaluation tests per say before placing a child in an adoptive home, but they did intensive checking. At least in Ca they did. We had 3 visits with the social worker. She then visited us in our home 2 or 3 times and we had to have a list of referances, all had to write letters on our behalf. Then there were medical background checks and even financual checks. I would say, the agencies did a pretty good job deciding if a couple were the right chioce for placing a child. The mother putting her child up for adoption had a say in what type of a family her child would be placed. No, she didn't know anything about the final choice, but she did get to let her views be known. She decided if she wanted her child to be placed in a home with other children, a religious home, if so, what religion, a home where the educational level of the parents would make a difference, things like that.
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Old 05-12-2015, 09:42 AM
 
1,879 posts, read 1,857,654 times
Reputation: 1462
Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
Susan. you know in no way was I comparing being burgled and having food poisoning to adoption/relinquishment. i was simply pulling things out of the air to say not everybody REACTS to ALL THINGS the same way.
NK I know you weren't. My last paragraph was not addressed to you but to forestall others from telling me that they aren't directly comparable. However, I hope you understood what I was getting at in the rest of my post.
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Old 05-12-2015, 09:52 AM
 
Location: Howard County, Maryland
5,622 posts, read 3,616,627 times
Reputation: 16469
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just_in_case View Post
As previously stated the Adopted Infant is the only party in the Adoption Triangle to had "No choice" Singned no Leagal and Binding Agreement
I mean no disrespect, but this is not limited to adopted children; NO child has a choice as to what family he or she is born into or adopted into. You get what you get.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Just_in_case View Post
Some of us weren't so LUCKY! I remember being told as a small child you'd better be good or we'll give you back or one of my personal Favorites.... I hope you don't grow up to be a **** like your Mother! Wow, I didn't even understand what that work meant! And let's not forget the famous guild trip.... Where would you be if people like me didn't Adopt you? Seriously!!!
That's just bad parenting, period. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
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Old 05-13-2015, 03:34 PM
 
5 posts, read 3,929 times
Reputation: 29
I'm sure this won't win over any friends but it needs to be said.

I do agree it's the 'Luck of the draw' as far as what couple your actually placed with, However in my case my Birth Mother requested I would be placed with a Catholic family, My Adoptive Father and his Mother were Catholic but my Adoptive Mother didn't really believe in God, and Never went to Church, So if the Agency was really checking back in the 60's you would think they would have required to see some sort of documentation from both prospective parents, It would have saved me a lot of GRIEF growing up, I do know that my Adoptive Mother was an extreme case with all her Emotional issues but for Christ sakes someone paying attention should have caught on to it. If my Birth Mother was alive when I finally located my bio family I'm sure she wouldn't have been happy to find out what I and many others have suffered, After all they were promised their babies would have a better life then they could offer at the time right?*

There are still many Flaws is the System where Adoption is concerned, It may be evolving slowly but Adoption has become more of an Infertility Cure for childless couples then what Adoption was Originally intended to be, which is to provide a Home for an Orphened Child. It's *instead become a Multi Billion Dollar Indestry for these so called Adoption Facilitators.... It should be STRICTlY handled through the State or County Levels period! Not just some Joe Blow who obtains a Business License to seek Babies/Children for childless couples for a Profit!! I also believe there should NEVER be a single dime exchanged Hands what so ever where a HUMAN LIFE is concerned, That's is just Legalized Human Trafficing hiding behind an age old name of ' ADOPTION' *if you google the phrase *'Adoption Situations' you would be shocked to find hundreds of listings on multiple web sites of up coming babies available who are being bought and sold as a commodity, It's absolutely disgusting, The young Women these Facilitators Target are still being enticed to relinquish their unplanned Pregnancies as a Perminate Solution to a Temporary problem, if it was really the child's best interest they had in mind, they would instead educate these young women of what temporary financial aid, Support Groups Etc. Is available to them instead of give me your baby crap and you will be doing your child a favor blah blah blah, we will even cover your medical cost, Reimburse your lost income hiding behind the name of a Stipend, Come on now these pregnant teens don't have enough life experience and often fall prey believing their doing a good thing only to find out later in life that they regret the decision to agree to relinquish custody! Let's all take our Rose Colored Glasses off and see it for what it really is. *

Every child should be raised within it's Biological Family and Adoption should only be as a Last resort. Yes it's sad so many people who want to have children but can't, I feel for them, We all play the cards were delt in life, Look at us Adoptee's..... It wasn't our preference to be cut off from our biological roots either yet 'It is what it is' and we had no control over it.*It's called coping, That's what most Adoptee's do is try to cope with it and most Adopted Adults don't want to hurt their Adoptive Parents *so they appease them by saying they don't care, Let me just say that out of over 2,700 reunions I've done many Adopted Adults wait until Adoptive parents Die before they search... Statistics don't lie!
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Old 05-13-2015, 09:44 PM
 
Location: Lake Charles, LA
2,189 posts, read 2,394,673 times
Reputation: 737
Being related by blood does not make one a family and adoption is a great thing when adopted by living people. W/ that being said, I thoroughly support adopted individuals trying to find their bio family for if nothing else, to find out medical history. While you may be adopted, biologically speaking, if your birth parents are more at risk for certain illnesses then you kind of need to know that.
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Old 05-14-2015, 07:46 PM
 
48,516 posts, read 83,748,691 times
Reputation: 18042
OK ;you were unlucky but so were many children born and raised by actual parents. You might have been one of those OP if parents had raised you.
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Old 05-14-2015, 08:31 PM
 
1,879 posts, read 1,857,654 times
Reputation: 1462
Quote:
Originally Posted by texdav View Post
OK ;you were unlucky but so were many children born and raised by actual parents. You might have been one of those OP if parents had raised you.
By golly, I'm pretty sure that that's a perspective that the OP in the article wouldn't have come across before, except for the
1) countless people in IRL who kept offering that "perspective", prompting her to actually WRITE the article in the first place.
and
2) the countless people commenting on the article who also kept offering that "perspective", totally proving her point.
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