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Old 06-02-2015, 09:24 AM
Location: Kansas
19,187 posts, read 14,966,734 times
Reputation: 18249


On the end of the birth mother, she said that she would be OK with being contacted by my son. The birth father was unsure. I don't remember what we said. Our relationship with the agency was based on our son having Down syndrome and no one on the waiting list wanting to adopt him. We were expecting to adopt a school age child through the state. So, it was a whirlwind mentally.

Unless this situation gets more weird, I'm not seeing an issue. Should this realtor want to come back, issue. His chances of getting back in the house are zero! There is something very creepy about anyone related to or friends with the birth family coming in and going through our house.

I am not sure what their expectations would be but that would have to be perfectly clear if they make contact to meet our son. Our situation is unique because our son would not understand his relationship to these people.

I am not overly concerned, just using more caution than usual. With a child/adult with special needs, there is always extra caution. Always and forever.
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Old 06-07-2015, 08:44 PM
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,591 posts, read 23,151,009 times
Reputation: 48585
Originally Posted by AnywhereElse View Post
I am not sure that my title fits perfectly but for lack of a better word, I chose "stalking". This isn't trying to go through an agency to make some kind of contact, which I would be comfortable with, but more lurking in the shadows.

Our son was adopted as an infant 28 years ago through a private agency. He has Down syndrome. The birth parents signed documents in front of a judge when he was 10 days old. I had heard from the birth mother through the agency when he was 2 and she wanted a photo and update on his progress which I provided.

Not going into great detail, it appears that his birth sister now is aware of his existence. Our house is on the market and yesterday, the realtor that she used and had written a glowing report concerning his services, drove with a couple that arrived to see our house from over 2 hours away from the city where we adopted our son.
We were in the house, it was an early showing and they commented how friendly our crated dogs seemed. I knew an out-of-town realtor would be showing but did not know it was that town.

Through the internet, I am 100% sure that there is a connection. Because of serious mental health issues in the family, I was always more cautious than others might be since the birth family had located within 5 blocks of us at one time which I learned from the internet happily after we had relocated to another state.

When the birth mother had asked for the photo and update, they had moved within 30 minutes of our house and the agency told us that to be on the safe side, maybe have him wearing a hat and not too identifying of location. I know the agency had a long talk with birth mother on that visit.

As I have said, if the family wanted to make contact openly, I would be receptive to that. I have great concerns because our son functions at the 40 month level and many don't understand how that works with an adult. I am afraid they might abduct him. We are legal guardians now that he is an adult. I think I might call an agency here in the state that deals with disability law.

I have emailed the our realtor here and briefly explained our situation and what I suspect.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Anyone know what they might be thinking on their end?

This sounds scary and for me, as a mother in part though adoption - it speaks to one of my personal nightmares. And the fears of many adoptive parents. You do not sound paranoid at all.

I'd speak to the adoption agency, the police, and yes, an attorney who deals with disability law.

I really wish you the best. Do keep us posted.
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