I have 4 Kids under the age of 5 and I would like to adopt a child

[westchester]

Originally Posted by Lillietta

I agree with GreenDay and Westchester. Who are we to judge someone who wants to do such a thing? I think the readers who are opposed are thinking how they would be or feel, etc. etc. You can't know what is good for Westchester and the child she adopts. I am disappointed with the responses, frankly.

Thank YOU . I couldn't Believe some of the responses ........

[kenny119807]

To Kevk My Name Kenny And You Are So Wroug I Was Put In Grouphomes And With Other People Like The Tabors Of Oh They Had 2 Grils &2 Boys The Oldest Was 13 When I Was There And My Problems Didnt Hurt Them.. It All In How You Take Care Of Your Real Kids And The Kids You Take In Tret All The Kids The Same Way 9 Out 10 You Wont Have Any Prombles At All My Forster Were Good To All 5 O Us Thanks To Them Ive Been Marred 26 Years And Ive Raised Two Grils And They Dont Have The Trouble That I Had To Live. People Are Needed For Kids In The Usa So If You Can Affode To Take More Kids Then Do It Im Sure Glad The Took Me

[GoddessofRandomThoughts]

A lot of hostility rushing around here Why??

Westchester, if you post on a public thread you have to expect all kinds of answers.

I/We do not know you. I am assuming you wish to adopt for altruistic reasons.

All of the suggestions I made were made out of 20+ years experience with children and childcare as well as working with children from all types of homes and situations.

Some of the advice that others have given (advice you asked for) also seems to come from experience.

If others have accused you of less than altruistic reasons, and they are wrong, then just excuse them they are just asking.

Anger and sarcasm help no one and nothing. The same goes for the hostilities coming from others.

Adopting does take time and money. If you have both fabulous.

If you just want to see what you are getting into and also help children who need help then try Foster Care/Respite Care.
Both are necessary and needed.

And as we all know you need not listen to anything said here. Good Luck!

Graphics Junkie am I.

[Tzaphkiel]

Originally Posted by westchester

So the Truth comes out............you bash me, someone who wanted to do the same thing as you wanted to do ( unlike you I am not doing it because i WANTED A BOY, So WHO WAS being selfish...)

And you agreed with your husband when he said no, because he couldn't love a child that wasn't his biological child......
IM JUST WONDERING DO YOU EVER WONDER WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT LITTLE BOY THAT YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND "COULDN'T LOVE'...........

In my case it had nothing to do with gender, we already had 3 boys, the adopted would have been a fourth.

As for "agreeing" with my husband, a decision as major as parenthood, whether it is biological or adopted, significantly affects both parents and can not be made by just one person of the partnership without serious damage to the whole family. Or unless the person making the decision all by themself, is also willing to do all the child raising all my themself.

It takes more than "love" to raise a child, that is not greed or materialism speaking it is what any parent can tell you who has been there / done that. Ideals are wonderful, but it's like what we tell our teenagers who dream about "having a baby to love me" we also want them to know the reality of such a major decision which requires a significant 20+ year commitment and resources such as food and shelter are part of that.

As for what happens to all the kids who can't get adopted, it is not up to me to save the world or save all the children who are starving or unloved. If I take that upon myself I end up exhausted, discourage and no use to anyone including my self or my family.

And the questions raised in this post about who does the child care, who does the chores, what are the finances to take care of the family, how this impacts and effects the already existing family are all very real concerns when anyone becomes a parent. They are not personal attacks, but considered input in this forum from people who are offering their own experience as a way of evaluating and addressing the situation posted in the original post.