I have 4 Kids under the age of 5 and I would like to adopt a child (parents, foster care) - - City-Data Forum

westchester · 01-21-2008, 06:36 PM

I have always wanted to adopt a child. I have truely been blessed with 4 wonderful, healthy and happy children. I have a 5 yr old son , 3 1/2 yr old daughter, 2 yr. old son, and a 8 month old daughter. I always want my oldest son to remain the oldest, I just think it would be important to him. After that I would be open to how old my adoptive child would be. I do not want to adopt a baby as their are plenty of parents who are not fortunante enough to have their own children , who will adopt these kids hopefully . I want to adoptan an older child who "nobody cares to adopt" . It just seems that once a child in foster care gets to a certain age it becomes nearly impossible to find a family for them.....So I guess my ? is how old should I wait till my children are before i think of adopting......As I have already said my kids are still very young and i feel the first couple of years are very important, as you are molding your children to being good kids and hopefully good people......But I always struggle with the fact that the longer i wait to adopt the longer they have to stay in foster care............so what do think......also do you think it matters if it is girl or boy......It is very important that the structure me and my wife have started with are kids stays as normal as possible......

KevK · 01-21-2008, 07:21 PM

You really need to think about what you are doing here. You have all these kids under 5 and if your life is not complicated enough, you want to bring an emotionally wrecked older kid in your house around your kids under 5? Most of the kids in foster care have very deep seated problems and would be handful for the most dedicated parents without any other kids or with older kids.

christina0001 · 01-21-2008, 08:03 PM

Good for you. I have worked with foster children professionally and it is heartbreaking that no one wants them. They do not all have behavioral problems. Many are good children who unfortunately have poor parents, or no parents at all.
Having said that, be aware that sometimes foster children are not eligible for adoption. It depends on the child's circumstances. The law sides with the biological parents, and some parents will not agree to sever their legal ties to the child, even if they have little or no involvement with the child.
I personally would wait until all of your children are able to speak for themselves, and at least somewhat articulate their feelings. I think it will help with the adjustment of having a new child in the house.

westchester · 01-21-2008, 09:36 PM

those kids in foster care..........you act like i asked you to adopt a child........

GoddessofRandomThoughts · 01-21-2008, 11:37 PM

I have to agree with both Christina and KevK in that :
KevK is right that many older children in foster care do have alot of issues (over worked word) that they may need to work through.

Now I am not saying that you should not adopt or start with foster care but you should consider this if you have not already.

As to what Christina said I have worked with lots of kids from different situations some were foster and they were just like any other child I know. Some of them have problems some don't.
It depends on how they came to the system.
But It would be good if all of your kids could express themselves before you made the move.

Have you considered starting with Respite care?

A friend of mine did that and enjoyed it. Met a lot of nice kids that way. ANd got into the system.

westchester · 01-22-2008, 03:42 PM

well if everyone has kenk thoughts on adoption, what do you do with the tens of thousands of kids in foster care......................listen i am not stup[id, i don't think it is going to be easy.......kids in general are not easy they are a lot of work........but I fell we all have to pay back to society................A lot of people think because they give a nice donation around te holidays they are covered......and everyone else will take care of everything else..................It doesn,t work that way.................Just because a kid is born into this world with *ucked up parents he should have to spend the rest of their lives bounceing around group homes or foster care.....................????????????

Tzaphkiel · 01-22-2008, 05:37 PM

what does your wife have to say about this? I am reading a lot of "I" in your post and not much "we." Who is the stay at home parent? How are chores and child care divided?

Also be honest about your motives...do you want to "save the kids" like some people want to "save the world"? How is this feeding your ego in how you see yourself?

Also consider how the quality of life for each of the children is significantly affected the more children are added to the mix. Your decision is just not about YOU and what YOU want to do and how grand this may make you feel, a whole lot of other people are significantly affected, in what way are you taking into consideration those people's input?

Tzaphkiel · 01-22-2008, 05:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by westchester

well if everyone has kenk thoughts on adoption, what do you do with the tens of thousands of kids in foster care......................listen i am not stup[id, i don't think it is going to be easy.......kids in general are not easy they are a lot of work........but I fell we all have to pay back to society................A lot of people think because they give a nice donation around te holidays they are covered......and everyone else will take care of everything else..................It doesn,t work that way.................Just because a kid is born into this world with *ucked up parents he should have to spend the rest of their lives bounceing around group homes or foster care.....................????????????

something about this just doesn't sound right, it sounds less like a mature parent, taking on a very large real responsibility, and more like....well, something else.

ptsum · 01-22-2008, 06:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DimSumRaja

something about this just doesn't sound right, it sounds less like a mature parent, taking on a very large real responsibility, and more like....well, something else.

I have to agree with you, there's something about this that just doesn't sound right, I would be curious as to what this individual's motives are.

mishigas73 · 01-22-2008, 06:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by westchester

I want to adoptan an older child who "nobody cares to adopt" . It just seems that once a child in foster care gets to a certain age it becomes nearly impossible to find a family for them.....So I guess my ? is how old should I wait till my children are before i think of adopting.

While I'm trying to give you props for wanting to adopt a "kid that no one wants", I can't help but wonder what your impetus is for adopting.

Adoptable children, whether babies or older kids, are not there to feed into YOUR ego. And, one of the HUGE stumbling blocks is the "biological kids" vs. "adopted ones" issue.

You have YOUR kids. Wonderful. But, honestly, if you're looking to adopt a "stray", you should REALLY think about it. Are you honestly willing to love and adore this child as your own? Seriously? Or, are you just looking to take in a kid that no one else wants, just to feel better about yourself and your place in society?

Adopting a child should NEVER be considered as a "payback to society". If you truly want to contribute to society, find another way. You're speaking about HUMAN BEINGS here. These are kids who need the love and adoration of people who aren't in it for their own egos. It takes unique individuals to be wonderful adoptive parents...and starting from the "taking the strays of society in" standpoint, certainly doesn't make you one.