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Old 08-02-2015, 12:04 PM
 
5,048 posts, read 6,915,870 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
DH sent a note to HOA president. Turns out it was a HOA Pool meeting about underage swimmers, swimmers at night and pool maintenance. Man says he didn't think our girls looked old enough to swim alone and he decided to address the issue right then and there. Afterwards one of the others at the meeting told him he thought the girls WERE old enough. By then our girls had left. He admits he should have asked them how old they are.

So glad it wasn't racially motivated as that would have been a big shock in this progressive community. Just somebody trying to exert some power.
We never mentioned to our daughters my fears of it being racially motivated. Didn't want to put ideas in their heads and now I need to be less sensitive about this. It's just that at the same age but in South Georgia, our Korean daughter DID have some racial issues. Matter closed. Thanks for your comments.
Did you let the board and pool committee know that it looked like racial predjudice?

And did the offensive man apologize to the girls and you? Or put it off on a board member?

I have found it helpful to sort of underscore ramifications so a thing doesn't happen again, so the offensive person realizes the enormity of a situation and doesn't continue to view it with his own very limiited sight.
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Old 08-02-2015, 12:38 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,479 posts, read 43,619,078 times
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Well the man did not apologize to our girls but he sent us e mail saying he should have asked their age and to tell the girls he was sorry.

The woman in the meeting (girls didn't see her) called DH to apologize profusely. She said she had no idea what he was doing and by the time she got out there the girls were gone. DH said she told him the girls looked old enough to her and she would not have run them off. Man just shrugged.

DH said this woman was very profuse in her apology even though she did nothing wrong. She mentioned Asians (especially girls)sometimes look younger than they are. Then she told DH she too was Asian and she was often treated like a child when she was a teen. DH thinks part of this woman's profuse apology was acknowledging it might have been racially motivated but no one has mentioned the racial aspect at all.
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Old 08-02-2015, 01:18 PM
 
Location: Howard County, Maryland
5,622 posts, read 3,615,311 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cully View Post
Did you let the board and pool committee know that it looked like racial predjudice?
I think it's very helpful to remember that not every negative interaction between people of different races is based on racism.

We'll never know if the HOA man has something against Asians and felt like picking on the first ones he saw, or if he was simply an arrogant bossy-boss who wanted to throw his weight around. But those of you who are complaining about the man making assumptions about the girls' ages, without even asking them, are themselves guilty of making assumptions that he is a racist, without what I would consider to be sufficient evidence.
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Old 08-02-2015, 01:33 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
42,781 posts, read 41,495,107 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post

DH thinks part of this woman's profuse apology was acknowledging it might have been racially motivated but no one has mentioned the racial aspect at all.
I don't agree.

I think SHE happened to relate since she is Asian and is more aware of the possibility, but she is not necessarily speaking for the man.

Plus, now you know there is at least one Asian on the pool committee and HOA, which means your daughters are not the only ones in the neighborhood.
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Old 08-02-2015, 01:37 PM
 
Location: Liberal Coast
4,277 posts, read 5,158,027 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cully View Post
Did you let the board and pool committee know that it looked like racial predjudice?

And did the offensive man apologize to the girls and you? Or put it off on a board member?

I have found it helpful to sort of underscore ramifications so a thing doesn't happen again, so the offensive person realizes the enormity of a situation and doesn't continue to view it with his own very limiited sight.
It didn't in any way look like racial prejudice. Even though he thought they were too young to be swimming without adult supervision (many would agree), should he have let them just because they aren't white?
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Old 08-02-2015, 01:38 PM
 
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I wouldn't jump to conclusions. Maybe he didn't ask their age because he was positive that (to him) they looked closer to 11.
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Old 08-03-2015, 07:51 AM
 
Location: East Coast
3,155 posts, read 1,884,677 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SoCal25 View Post
Seriously? Many people consider it unsafe for young children to swim unsupervised. So one person decides to speak up and we can only assign a range of disturbing motivations? No wonder people don't want to get involved.
OP specifically mentions it was someone looking to "exert some power" and that others in the meeting indicated the kids appeared old enough. So, no. No way that was this guy's concern.
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Old 08-03-2015, 07:59 AM
 
Location: East Coast
3,155 posts, read 1,884,677 times
Reputation: 4720
Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
Well the man did not apologize to our girls but he sent us e mail saying he should have asked their age and to tell the girls he was sorry.

The woman in the meeting (girls didn't see her) called DH to apologize profusely. She said she had no idea what he was doing and by the time she got out there the girls were gone. DH said she told him the girls looked old enough to her and she would not have run them off. Man just shrugged.

DH said this woman was very profuse in her apology even though she did nothing wrong. She mentioned Asians (especially girls)sometimes look younger than they are. Then she told DH she too was Asian and she was often treated like a child when she was a teen. DH thinks part of this woman's profuse apology was acknowledging it might have been racially motivated but no one has mentioned the racial aspect at all.
THIS is all the evidence you need. No question it was based on race. An Asian person saw it as such. People in this thread should not dismiss instances of racial prejudice, particularly if they are white and have not experienced it. Minimizing it, dismissing it, and and invalidating the feelings and conclusions of people of color are yet another form of prejudice.
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Old 08-03-2015, 08:00 AM
 
Location: Marlborough, MA
1,732 posts, read 3,880,776 times
Reputation: 812
If it felt like discrimination because of their race/ethnicity, it likely was. Don't let the whitesplaining deter you from following up on this. Racial profiling of our adopted children of color starts early.
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Old 08-03-2015, 09:00 AM
 
Location: Howard County, Maryland
5,622 posts, read 3,615,311 times
Reputation: 16468
Quote:
Originally Posted by chicagoliz View Post
THIS is all the evidence you need. No question it was based on race. An Asian person saw it as such. People in this thread should not dismiss instances of racial prejudice, particularly if they are white and have not experienced it. Minimizing it, dismissing it, and and invalidating the feelings and conclusions of people of color are yet another form of prejudice.
I'm white. And I've experienced racial prejudice directed against myself. I once found myself surrounded by a crowd of black people, who appeared out of nowhere, and one of them hauled off and punched me in the face, without any reason or provocation. I consider myself fortunate that I was able to extricate myself from that crowd without any further harm. But thanks to this, and a whole lot else, the idea that white people cannot be the victims of racial prejudice does not fly with me.

As for the situation at hand, I think you are assuming too much when you say that an Asian person saw what happened as racial. First of all, she didn't directly "see" anything; she got there after the fact. Secondly, according to the OP, she did not say it was racial; she said that it COULD have been, based on her observation that Asians look younger than their age and that she herself has experienced being treated as being younger than she was. However, a man condescending to people he thinks are young children is not, in and of itself, a racist act.

And finally, where are the people who are "invalidating the feelings and conclusions of people of color"? The OP has stated that her daughters have not expressed any indication that what happened was the result of racism. Though they may feel that it was, we don't know that. And the Asian HOA lady opined about her own experiences being treated as a child, but again, this is not necessarily the result of racism. (I can guarantee you that Asians are not the only people who have ever been condescended to because someone thought they were younger than they actually were . . . though I will concede that it probably does happens to them more often than to other people, per capita. It is certainly true that many Asian people do look younger than their years.)

From what I've seen, no person of color referenced on this thread has themselves concluded that what took place was definitely a racist act. Instead, what I've seen is other people assuming that a racist act had taken place, and making conclusions based on that assumption. Unless we get more details to further clarify the situation, that's not a conclusion that I'm necessarily prepared to make.
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