Quote:
Originally Posted by pleasantgirl
I know this is an old thread but feel compelled to respond. First I am an adoptive mother of identical twin girls. They were 5 when they came to us. We adopted through dss in sc.
Adoption is an odd situation that is difficult for many people to understand...how can you love a child unconditionally? How do you love any child unconditionally...you either can or you can't. But make no mistake, many birth children are not loved unconditionally...otherwise why would dss be so overwhelmed? Why is the foster system so taxed? Unconditional love means that parent wouldn't have lost them because they loved drugs more than their children or the loved an abusive spouse more than their children...whatever the cause it means something else was more important...more loved than their children.
Do you think giving birth to a child guaranteed happily ever after...think again...look around you at all the estranged families. There are no guarantees for any of us.
We were very open about everything. We allowed limited contact with the birth family. Our daughters knew they had another life...why pretend they didn't? They are in contact with their birth family but they will say unequivocally WE are their parents. They are adults now...and we have 1 grandchild. We have our ups and downs...our hurt feelings and disagreements. I see some genetics that took hold but I see some of us that took hold too...good grief, they wouldn't have necessarily have won the genetic lottery with some of my relatives!
Adoption and birthing are very much a risky game...you can't control exactly what you get...and remember, they can't control what they get either! Sorry this was so long but I cut it short. Parenthood is scary for everybody or at least it should be.
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"Do you think giving birth to a child is guaranteed hapily ever after..."
The bolded section is so true. So many biological families face estrangement. It is not peculiar or unusual for a family related by blood to have estranged members. I think it always happened. People were more likely to just keep it quiet.
I was NOT adopted, and my parents did not love any of us unconditionally. They also had favorites and while they never stated that, they made their favorites perfectly clear.
Also I agree about being open with adopted children.
There are more similarities than there are differences in raising children. Every family, whether or not by adoption or by birth, has ups and downs, hurt feelings and disagreements and issues. For some reason, some people, especially those in the anti-adoption camp, hold families formed by adoption to a higher standard.
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