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Old 03-17-2016, 06:44 AM
Location: Southern California
394 posts, read 1,334,274 times
Reputation: 516


Her name was Lani, and she passed away six days before my 54th birthday. She was married to a man who was not my father when she became pregnant with me, and so the decision was made to put me up for adoption. I never blamed her. She did what she had to do to save herself and me too. Her husband was a horrible man.

I was adopted at birth by a nice couple and have had a good life with my adoptive family. But something was always missing for me. Like a hole in my heart that never healed. My parents had told me as soon as I could understand that I was adopted. They told me that my birthmom had wanted to keep me but couldn't, so she gave me away so I would have a good life. But still that hole persisted.

I knew early in my teens that as soon as I was of legal age, I would begin searching for my birthmother. It was a very long and involved on again, off again search that wasn't completed until I was in my 30's. But I'd found her. I also found six half-sisters, a half-brother, and an adopted brother on her side. She gave me information about my birthfather, and after awhile I managed to track him down also. He added another three half-brothers and two more half-sisters to my family! And I also had the adopted brother that I had grown up with. He's since found his birthmother also and has taken his family to meet her twice.

Lani's side of the family was very happy that I'd found them. Her kids knew about me and had always thought of me as another sister. Richard, my birthfather, was happy that I'd found him. He'd known that Lani had put me up for adoption. But he hadn't told his ex-wife or their kids about me, and my siblings on that side don't talk to me much. That's okay.

My father (adoptive) was glad that my search was successful. He had offered to help me when I first began looking, but I felt it was something I needed to do for myself. My mom was not so excited. I think she was afraid that somehow my allegiance to our family would change, and that I would think of my birthmom as my "real" mom. I told her she was my mom and was stuck with me. She never got very comfortable about it, but when she saw pictures of my birthmom, she commented on how much they looked alike. And that's true. My birthmom was Hawaiian/Filipino/Chinese, and my mom is Japanese, but they have/had similar features.

I never got the chance to meet my birthfather in person. He died about ten years ago, but we mailed each other, sent email, and talked on the phone often. I got him interested in learning about our ancestors, and we worked on that project together. I met my birthmom and two of my sisters in Hawai'i seventeen years ago. It was a fantastic reunion. I used to call my birthmom on her birthday, my birthday, and Mother's Day. But this year she passed away six days before I would have spoken to her.

But I'm not sad. I feel closer to her than ever. I remember her crooked smile, which is just like my own, and I still hear her laughter. And I love her. I was blessed to have gotten the chance to meet her.
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Old 03-17-2016, 12:56 PM
Location: Illinois
4,754 posts, read 4,306,030 times
Reputation: 12913
Thank you for sharing your beautiful story. I am glad you got time with your birthmom before she passed.
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Old 03-17-2016, 01:35 PM
194 posts, read 332,870 times
Reputation: 317
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm sorry for your loss.
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Old 04-07-2016, 11:21 AM
64 posts, read 56,925 times
Reputation: 129
Beautiful story, glad you met your mom! All those siblings!!
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