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Old 05-18-2016, 10:29 AM
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,479 posts, read 43,619,078 times
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You bring up something very important. Many people naively believe anyone involved in adoption is a good hearted person who cares about children. While most are, many are nothing but money driven people who see desperate people willing to fork over thousands of dollars for what the agencies know up front will never happen.
So many domestic adoptions are based on colorful scrapbook type presentations showing homes, pets, extended family, fun activities and the (mostly) young pregnant women are asked to choose. All things being equal they will choose the youngish childless couple over the older couple who might already have children.
Agencies lose their licenses all the time because they are reported for fraud, coercion, etc but they just set up shop down the street under different names.
Do not be fooled into thinking all adoption agency people are motivated purely by wanting to help make families.
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Old 05-18-2016, 10:46 AM
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Really difficult question to give an answer. People have different level of energy, are in different places in their lives at the same age, have different resources, have had different experience, etc. So my answer on how old is too old will be based on those things, which are very individualized.

I have a kid, I'm done. I don't want another for a multitude of personal reasons. Someone else who is my age will want a kid because they don't have one, or because they have a difference personality and desires.

Looking back pre kid, for me, I would guess that my age limit for a newborn(ish) would be around 45. But maybe not, it is not at all unlikely that if I never had a kid and was with the right person, I would go for it at 60+. But I'm going to leave this here:

45 yrs. old
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Old 05-18-2016, 04:54 PM
379 posts, read 397,691 times
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Very good question depending on so many factors.

Adopted a 15 mo old at 40

Adopted a 2 year old at 47

Started looking into a 3rd one at 50, but because Russia closed we put it aside. In hindsight it was a good thing. At 55 my knees are falling apart and couldn't handle anything younger than our now 9 year old.
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Old 05-18-2016, 06:00 PM
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I have no number that would be right and the next one wrong.

There are so many more important variables than age to consider.
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Old 05-18-2016, 06:09 PM
Location: Canada
5,877 posts, read 2,369,197 times
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I can only speak to my own history. I was adopted as a newborn and my parent's were father, 39 and mother 33. My mom was a paediatric nurse and my father was a pharmaceutical executive ( tho started out as a Pharmacists )..since I had an issue with milk tolerance etc. Anyway, tho was a private adoption, they still went thru the mill being assessed constantly by Social Services..for over 5 years post adoption..So they sure wanted me..

Not making light of it at all..But I was such a pushy child..and constantly reminded my brother..Hey, you just came and I was CHOSEN!! After I found out that my mom had had over 5 miscarriages ..I really felt bad ..but as a kid..what did I know about being hurtful
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Old 05-18-2016, 06:13 PM
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When my sister was looking into international adoption, many countries had regulations about how much older than the child the parents could be. So, for instance (and I'm making this up because I don't remember the actual numbers), the rule might be for parents not to be more than 40 years older than the child. In that case, a 50-year-old could adopt a 10-year-old, but not a 2-year-old.

For me personally, a differential of no more than 40 years sounds good. I would not want to be older than 40 with a newborn. I'm almost 47, and have three children of whom the youngest is 11, so I say this with full knowledge of what it takes to raise an infant.

Last edited by saibot; 05-18-2016 at 06:36 PM..
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Old 05-18-2016, 06:35 PM
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,591 posts, read 23,151,009 times
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Originally Posted by Rynldsbr View Post
Subjective, I know. My question is based on personal curiosity regarding what age do most people feel is the max age for adoption? Why?

How old would you be and still be willing to adopt, and how young of a child?

I do not think there is an age where one is "too old to adopt". The US Foster care system would agree with me. People of any age are considered for adoption. US Foster care kids are not babies. Most likely, their parent's were, though. Teenagers who do not posses the life skills or a trade or career that can support a child. They are usually not good students, and not terribly bright. Or they would be concerned about ruining their chances for college.

There are also options in international adoption. Off the top of my head - Ukraine and Estonia come to mind.

These countries do not have infant adoption.

Think of it - what is worse? A healthy couple in their 60s who already raised a family, adopting a 9, 12, and 15 year old sibling group - or having the 15 year old kicked out of the orphanage when she turns 16, to a life on the streets?

Adoptive parents in their 20s and 30s are not looking for tweens and teens.
And with good reason.

Older parents are more open. It's a win win situation!
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Old 05-22-2016, 02:59 PM
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I think it depends entirely on the parents and the kind of children they want to adopt, meaning the children's ages, history, etc.

I think that infant adoptions up to the parental age of 45 would be fine, but the older the child, the more "history" s/he will have -- and in cases of adoption, that history is often -- in fact, I would say, usually --bad, and unless one has a history of dealing with children or children with problems, these children are certainly not as easy to raise as most children raised by their biological parents are. Also, let's face it, most people do not have as much energy at age 55 as they did at age 35.

(FYI, we are 43 and 40 when our children, then ages 3 and 5, were placed with us in 1996. Even though we were not that old, we were unprepared for how much effect their earlier years would continue to have on them. We were also not prepared that the major changes in U.S. society from about 1995 to 2010 -- I am primarily talking about the Internet and social media and the policies of public schools -- would have on them and our attempts to raise them to be responsible and good citizens.)

Yes, I am generalizing, and I do know that there are many exceptions to what I wrote.

Last edited by katharsis; 05-22-2016 at 03:46 PM..
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Old 05-23-2016, 01:54 PM
Location: East TX
2,090 posts, read 2,018,615 times
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Originally, my post was to stimulate some discussion regarding our own personal situation as my wife wants to start foster again and I am reluctant. We have six children, including four homegrown and two adopted. Ages range from 26 (special needs still with us) down to a 5 year old. I am soon to be 48 and DW is a few years younger.

In my personal experience, which is all I really have to go on, here is what I have personally seen:
***26 children came through our home as foster children in a little over 5 years.
***1 was a child of a teen mother. She was a straight A student (very bright) that made a mistake.
***Only a few (I forget exactly) were cases of extreme abuse. Most were safety issues or dependency issues that needed to be treated.
***3 of the 26 were infants, 2 of whom we adopted, 1 was sent home.
***The longest stay was 2.5 years before a family member suddenly found motivation ($ from state) to take in the child.

I apologize for any who have been offended by my personal attacks on those who responded. You are all obviously far more versed in proper protocol on this forum than I am, so I will leave the debate here for you all to finish.
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Old 05-24-2016, 10:01 PM
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I don't think there is a "max age" for all situations. I know a couple who adopted a 4 year old boy when they were late 60s/early 70s. They brought him in as a foster child at birth and he bonded with them and moving him would have been very hard on him. Plus his history of mental illness in the bio family, gender and race, and severe drug exposure pre-natal didn't have a long line of perspective families wanting to take him. They did have to have a solid plan for who will take him if they die. But the boy is about 10 and he is thriving with his grandparent aged parents.

I think the age thing, in general, is dumb. Adoptions should be case by case.
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