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Old 05-17-2016, 03:52 PM
 
Location: East TX
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Subjective, I know. My question is based on personal curiosity regarding what age do most people feel is the max age for adoption? Why?


How old would you be and still be willing to adopt, and how young of a child?
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Old 05-17-2016, 03:53 PM
 
Location: Sugarmill Woods , FL
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Old 05-17-2016, 04:31 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rynldsbr View Post
Subjective, I know. My question is based on personal curiosity regarding what age do most people feel is the max age for adoption? Why?


How old would you be and still be willing to adopt, and how young of a child?
Most agencies state the age limit is 43. Some will allow couples to be 45. A few will allow couples to be 50. Statistically, it appears that couples older than 35 are going to have more difficulty adopting.
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Old 05-17-2016, 07:54 PM
 
Location: Kansas
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I agree that couples over 35 would have a more difficult time, although not in the case of older children versus infants.

When we were adopting through a private agency, they placed infants exclusively and we were adopting a baby with special needs at both of us being 33. We felt "old" at that time to be adopting an infant and was told that most of their couples were more like 42.

When birthparents are doing the choosing, it just really depends.

Personally, having my first child when I was 24 and adopting when I was 33, I feel that I would choose a younger adopting couple, probably less than 35 although depending on other elements of the couple, I might go up to age 40.
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Old 05-17-2016, 09:25 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
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We were 55 and 63 when we adopted 2 from Vietnam. We asked for pre- schoolers between the ages of 4 and 6 but got one at 3 months and one at 7 months. No way was I going to say "We don't want those girls. Take them back and match us up with older ones." We joke and say something must have been messed up in the translation.

Not the best ages but obviously they thought we were suitable parents and at the time, they really needed stable families for these kids. Unfortunatley, Vietnam has been closed to America for over a decade.
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Old 05-17-2016, 10:43 PM
 
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Old 05-17-2016, 11:29 PM
 
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My wife and I adopted newborn children here in the USA. I was 39 going on 40 when we did it. She was 38 going on 39. It turns out there were several other families in our neighborhood that were having a child at that age at the same time. So, I never felt from the standpoint of "standing out" that we were too old.

Infants, though, require a great deal of care. One big issue is simply are you physically up to the task? I was certain we were up to the task and I made a point of being quite physically active to the point of doing rigorous hikes and occasionally running a 10K race. Even so, I was surprised at how demanding it was to get up in the middle of the night day after day. We muddled through it. Infectious disease is a big issue with kids and one that parents who have not had children yet tend to forget. The kids will get sick. They will spread the illness to you sometimes. Sometimes, you may be giving your child a bath while you feel your strep throat or you can't stop coughing. Than, think about the challenge of going to work the next day feeling dead tired.

I think a key mistake many who raise infants, toddlers, or young children make is how great the physical demands will be upon you. That's my biggest concern about aged adoptive parents. You decide yourself "how old is too old". Keep what I said in the back of your mind though.
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Old 05-18-2016, 08:25 AM
 
Location: Howard County, Maryland
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Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
We were 55 and 63 when we adopted 2 from Vietnam. We asked for pre- schoolers between the ages of 4 and 6 but got one at 3 months and one at 7 months. No way was I going to say "We don't want those girls. Take them back and match us up with older ones." We joke and say something must have been messed up in the translation.

Not the best ages but obviously they thought we were suitable parents and at the time, they really needed stable families for these kids. Unfortunatley, Vietnam has been closed to America for over a decade.
I was 40 (OK, 40.5) when my infant son came home from Korea, and had just turned 43 when my infant daughter came home from the same place. The adoption agency had told us that the older of the two adults (which was me) could not be older than 45 when the adoption was finalized. I always assumed that this was a blanket rule for international adoption, but your experience would indicate otherwise. Perhaps it was a rule of the sending country, or maybe it was a rule of my particular adoption agency.

In any case, my hat's off to you. I'm still 5 years shy of 55, but given current trends, I highly doubt I would have enough energy to parent an infant or toddler at that age. As it was, from an energy and stamina level, I think I would have been better suited to have adopted my kids when I was in my early 30s or maybe mid 30s at the latest. But that's not how life worked out. And God knows what he's doing, because I can't imagine having any kids other than the ones that I actually got.

But going back to the OP . . . based solely on my own personal experience, I would recommend that if you're adopting an infant or a toddler, start the process early enough that you (the would-be adoptive parent) would be no older than mid 30s by the time your final child comes home.
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Old 05-18-2016, 09:39 AM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
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We were told by our agency that Vietnam determined eligible ages on a case by case basis. I think they let us because we already had a Korean daughter who was 19 by the time we got our VN girls home. We did age out of our original China adoption plan which is why we went to VN. But you are right. Our kids belong with us and I can't imagine them anywhere else or us with any other children. When asked why we chose VN we always say "Cause that's where our kids were".
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Old 05-18-2016, 10:11 AM
 
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Originally Posted by markg91359 View Post
My wife and I adopted newborn children here in the USA. I was 39 going on 40 when we did it. She was 38 going on 39. It turns out there were several other families in our neighborhood that were having a child at that age at the same time. So, I never felt from the standpoint of "standing out" that we were too old.
Congratulations on successfully finalizing an domestic infant adoption (DIA). That is quite an achievement.

I think DIA age limits and international age limits are different.

On the US DIA front, many agencies appear to accept older parents knowing full well that a large percentage will never match. Several large national agencies actions bare out this statement. Two large national agencies have replacement management teams and have shown hundreds of older couples the door basically admitting that they cannot match these older couples. Lawsuits and complaints to Attorney General offices have been filed as a result.

I know this has been the case with us. Our agency has shown us the door saying that we are too old and have too many biological children, but they still took our money and I think my husband is really enjoying using the legal process to extract his pound of flesh.
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