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Since there are so many “Adoption Experts” on this forum and military service is a choice, I thought I ask for recommendation for a couple that has asked us for help.
This couples works for the US Government. They are not in the military, but they work with the military. They are both interpreters. Both speak Arabic and Farsi. They are assigned to the Middle East for years and are only in the states for the holidays.
Both are in their early fifties. They have spent thousands on infertility treatments and on adoption agencies with ZERO success. They utilized adoption agencies, adoption attorneys and adoption consultants/facilitators with NO success. They waited for a success adoption situation in excess of SIX years. They are looking for a healthy Caucasian infant. (0 to 6 months)
As I stated in the past, I don’t see a way forward for them. Adoption agencies/attorneys/consultants/facilitators all state they need to wait until they retire from their careers. Their age when they will be eligible for retirement is ~62. I don’t know any agency/attorney/facilitator that accept couples this old.
So is there a way forward for this couple or is adoption a relic of the past?
Adopting a healthy white infant between 0 - 6 months for a couple in their early 50's and having jobs in the Middle East? I don't think you'll find advice on that other than if they really want a child, they should consider either special needs or older children, even then it may be tough with their jobs.
Early 50s wanting a healthy white infant = a miracle not likely to take place which I am sure they are aware of. By early 50s most are grandparents and birth parents are highly unlikely to consider someone with their age and jobs.
Time passes quickly and sometimes the choices we have made in the past make some dreams of the future not possible.
The should look at surrogacy. It may truly be their only option. Several quick looks on websites indicate upper age limit is 60 so that is apparently not an issue. If financially stable, mentally and emotionally capable of passing the required interview process, and no criminal history, it should be a viable option.
The should look at surrogacy. It may truly be their only option. Several quick looks on websites indicate upper age limit is 60 so that is apparently not an issue. If financially stable, mentally and emotionally capable of passing the required interview process, and no criminal history, it should be a viable option.
You did not list cost. Unfortunately, the cost of surrogacy has placed this option outside of the middle class. The surrogacy agencies fees range from $150000 - 300,000.
Since there are so many “Adoption Experts” on this forum and military service is a choice, I thought I ask for recommendation for a couple that has asked us for help.
This couples works for the US Government. They are not in the military, but they work with the military. They are both interpreters. Both speak Arabic and Farsi. They are assigned to the Middle East for years and are only in the states for the holidays.
Both are in their early fifties. They have spent thousands on infertility treatments and on adoption agencies with ZERO success. They utilized adoption agencies, adoption attorneys and adoption consultants/facilitators with NO success. They waited for a success adoption situation in excess of SIX years. They are looking for a healthy Caucasian infant. (0 to 6 months)
As I stated in the past, I don’t see a way forward for them. Adoption agencies/attorneys/consultants/facilitators all state they need to wait until they retire from their careers. Their age when they will be eligible for retirement is ~62. I don’t know any agency/attorney/facilitator that accept couples this old.
So is there a way forward for this couple or is adoption a relic of the past?
One of my former students (active duty navy) and his military contractor wife just posted on Facebook that they adopted a beautiful baby girl. Of course she was only half white. Bummer.
Just for clarity, your posts seem to think that people are entitled to adopt the exact children they want, and they fact they cannot is indicative of a flaw in the system. I was just wondering if that is indeed your position or if that is a misreading on my part. Thanks.
You did not list cost. Unfortunately, the cost of surrogacy has placed this option outside of the middle class. The surrogacy agencies fees range from $150000 - 300,000.
Buying babies is expensive. Renting a womb is pretty expensive too.
One of my former students (active duty navy) and his military contractor wife just posted on Facebook that they adopted a beautiful baby girl. Of course she was only half white. Bummer.
Just for clarity, your posts seem to think that people are entitled to adopt the exact children they want, and they fact they cannot is indicative of a flaw in the system. I was just wondering if that is indeed your position or if that is a misreading on my part. Thanks.
Congratulations to your friends in the Navy. That quite the accomplishment!
I also think that the foster care system should be held to account for all their advertisements. Are there 100,000 children/babies available for adoption? And why did your military couple able to adopt and other cannot? I know of a SSGT that was able to adopt, but only because his sister-in-law that works for the foster care system. I was unaware of this requirement. Where is this requirement documented in the code of law?
Whether or not you feel I'm entitled or not, it should be a great deal easier to adopt both privately and especially from the foster care system. I'm sure you know that each family is different and the child that will thrive in each will will be different as well. Either the advertisements that the foster care system throws around are accurate or are misleading.
Congratulations to your friends in the Navy. That quite the accomplishment!
I also think that the foster care system should be held to account for all their advertisements. Are there 100,000 children/babies available for adoption? And why did your military couple able to adopt and other cannot? I know of a SSGT that was able to adopt, but only because his sister-in-law that works for the foster care system. I was unaware of this requirement. Where is this requirement documented in the code of law?
Whether or not you feel I'm entitled or not, it should be a great deal easier to adopt both privately and especially from the foster care system. I'm sure you know that each family is different and the child that will thrive in each will will be different as well. Either the advertisements that the foster care system throws around are accurate or are misleading.
Thank you for the reply but you didn't answer my questions.
1. Do you think the system should be set up so that every person who wants to adopt should get exactly what they want?
2. It is a reality that more people want white babies than there are white babies to go around. If two sets of parents are identical but one is in their fifties and another is in their 30s, is the fact that one set of parents would be in their 70s when their child is just going off to college criteria on which to choose the other couple?
3. Not a lot of white infants in foster care, especially not compared who want them. Where do you propose these white infants come from to meet the need ?
Congratulations to your friends in the Navy. That quite the accomplishment!
I also think that the foster care system should be held to account for all their advertisements. Are there 100,000 children/babies available for adoption? And why did your military couple able to adopt and other cannot? I know of a SSGT that was able to adopt, but only because his sister-in-law that works for the foster care system. I was unaware of this requirement. Where is this requirement documented in the code of law?
Whether or not you feel I'm entitled or not, it should be a great deal easier to adopt both privately and especially from the foster care system. I'm sure you know that each family is different and the child that will thrive in each will will be different as well. Either the advertisements that the foster care system throws around are accurate or are misleading.
Your responses are interesting. I think it is interesting that you don't acknowledge the purpose of foster care is not to provide children to families wishing to adopt. The purpose of foster care is to provide a safe and appropriate environment for children while reunification attempts are pursued. Reunification is always the first priority unless it is clearly never going to be an option.
You also continue to state that it should be easier to adopt children. While I agree in theory that adoption shouldn't be more difficult than killing a child through abortion, I also suggest that any time there is an adoption, it means someone has lost their child. Taking away a child should not be easy.
Finally, what advertisements are you referring to in the foster care system? I don't recall seeing any advertisements other than an occasional billboard promoting fostering or recruiting foster parents.
Thank you for the reply but you didn't answer my questions.
1. Do you think the system should be set up so that every person who wants to adopt should get exactly what they want?
2. It is a reality that more people want white babies than there are white babies to go around. If two sets of parents are identical but one is in their fifties and another is in their 30s, is the fact that one set of parents would be in their 70s when their child is just going off to college criteria on which to choose the other couple?
3. Not a lot of white infants in foster care, especially not compared who want them. Where do you propose these white infants come from to meet the need ?
1. I think a couple should get children that they can parent. Not all couples can parents a biracial child. Trans-racial couples are not accepted everywhere (i.e. the Middle East) Not all couples can handle medically fragile children. I've seen the foster care director require couples to get RN degrees before they will approve them for foster care and then they certify the home as a therapeutic foster home. Then the foster care director get mad when they quit in less than six months. It's just not logical to place children in this way.
2. Our local foster care system has only white babies, toddlers, school age children, and teens. Our county is 97.8 percent white, minorities makeup 2 percent of our population. Age discrimination is illegal per federal law. The foster care system cannot hide behind "birth mother's choice" in regards to placement/age.
3. I think your foster care system is very different from mine. I think mine uses children to fund the local county government. More children means more federal dollars for the local government.
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