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FYI from an adoptee, any child you adopt is going to have a lot of identity w their birth family-- please don't foist your needs onto what their needs as an individual human being who came from another family-- I'm not saying you will but it's common enough to warrant a fyi about-- pls only adopt if you can in your heart understand and respect the fact they had their own family first- before coming to you that shouldn't be discouraged from talking about or asking questions and even if at some point they want some type of contact with their family, please put their needs first and honor their feelings or needs. Many adoptive parents say they will but in reality their insecurity causes them to push off that insecurity in the kid in subtle ways discouraging them from feeling open to approach you with a question or request ( such as seeing their birth family)
I agree with this. The child isn't a "blank slate". They have their own identity, their own birth family, their own memories and experiences already. It is also understandable they can't completely disconnect from their birth family or any siblings they have.
We adopted thru dss (Dept of social services) in SC. Any child....even your birth child is a sack of unknowns. If you adopted an older child (ours were identical twins who were about a month shy of 6th birthday....had 1 week to get ready for 2 kids in kindergarten!) You have to accept they had another life...so if you think you're going to erase the birth family you can forget that. You have to bridge that gap somehow. Most of the horror stories I've seen come from families taking in a child expecting to adopt when parental rights have not been terminated....and that child is returned to the birth family. If you want a child that's free and clear you are probably not going to get an infant. We were not going to take a chance on having the child taken from us. You worry about them going back to their birth family? Many birth children have no relationship with their parents. Birth is no guarantee of happily ever after. It had its challenges...they're 23 and it's still challenging.....but it has been rewarding and has had many wonderful moments. Parenting is HARD WORK...it doesn't matter how you got them. There will be joy, there will be pain and there will be insanity! Worried about health issues?? Birth is no guarantee of health either...too many parents have buried their children. There are no certainties in parenting....and if you're not ready to accept that children don't come with guarantees then you may not be ready to adopt. BUT if you are ready...then please consider domestic adoption...there are lots of kids in this country that deserve loving homes and you may be able to get assistance with adoption fees and costs. May God bless you and guide you during this difficult journey....
In our state children that are legally free for adoption must live with you for six months before being adopted. So in reality they are "fostered" for six months by you to be sure it is a good fit. Also, the only children here that are available right off the bat for adoption are children over five with behavioral issues or sibling groups. Little sweet babies/toddlers are adopted by their foster parents who get first choice when they become free for adoption.
That said I know of many who adopted from foster care and have had no contact with biological parents and have had great success, even with so called difficult kids. But I imagine when the children get older they are going to want to find their biological parents with or without you knowing. So that will always be there.
We are also required to give all known information on parents history etc.. to adoptive parents before consuming the adoption. We've got lawyers going over all documents to ensure we give out all known info to parents.
Just FYI, they are still in what is known as the "honeymoon" phase. I am not trying to be discouraging, but I would be very surprised if the honeymoon period lasts for more than three months.
Also, if the adoptive parent is a co-worker's son or daughter, it would not be surprising if they put on the best front possible to their relatives. ("Yes, everything is going just GREAT!") BTDT.
Well, it’s been about 9 months and she says things are better than ever. The kids were even telling their mom they don’t want anything for their birthdays, because they already have everything they want. I’ve even heard the kids over the phone with grandma, and they were gushing nonstop over her. It was really cute.
Anyway, like I said not every case goes bad. People should be prepared it may not work out, but going in with a negative mentality (like yours) is also not healthy for anyone involved.
Like with any and every child Foster Kids are hard work that you have to go in with a positive view and desire to love and care for a child (regardless of whether you get to "keep" them or not). My family has done traditional adoption and adopted through a foster first program. I was adopted at birth and I went through just as much anguish and extra emotional needs as my sisters and brothers who were adopted through foster care.
The horror stories you hear are from people who don't educate themselves about the process they're going through or those who are adopting purley for themselves and not for the child. An adopted child isn't "yours", they will always be a part of another family whom they either don't know or whom they remember. If you're not prepared for this and or the possibility that the birth parents won't come up at some point (and yes, it still happens with sudpussidly closed adoptions. My younger sister had a grandmother who got through the courts and found her. My parents didn't mind and welcomed it due to my sister despite being adopted at birth had several behavioral issues and was really going through a bad time with her role as adopted child).
If you go into the process wanting to help, care, and love children other then those you birth yourself respect tears, rage, anger, and confusion. Regardless of how you adopt respect questions, concerns, and attempts of reunion between the child and the birthpartents. And if you love and properly care for the child expect some bad days and some amazing weeks, you're going to have some no matter how you adopt. But absolutely only do so (for any type of adoption) if you're okay with realizing this child is only being "shared" with you. They will always be part of another family and that will cause problems no matter what. Adopting foster kids can be an amazing and wonderful thing, and if you're truly doing your homework and prepared for it, it's not harder or more uncertain then raising any other child. It just required you to be a more aware and flexible parents which most aren't willing or able to be.
But I caution any and everyone: Adopted children are not a magical walk in the park compared to foster children. If anything they can be harder, because you don't get the support and help of continuous support from a certified counselor or social worker who might detect behavioral issues or know the proper resources you might need for the child as they grow and develop in the identity of an adopted child. Many adopted children have the same behavioral problems and past demons as forster children. So please keep yourself educated and think about the CHILD first and foremost.
Join a adoption group that you can spend time interacting with families involved in adoption (this also helps the kids at realizing they're not alone and give them support at accepting their adoptive identity) and stop comparing raising foster children vs adopted children because they are tu;y the same, people just make the process different based on their own creation of problems with the differences of the programs; but the treatment of the children should be the same and personally I believe people should be required to Foster first because children aren't something you "buy" or get rewarded because your better at life then someone else. It's because too many children need loved and cared for by responsible adults and that's why your entrusted to care for them; it's not because they're "your kids" cause you filled out some paperwork and paid a fee and now you own them.
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But I imagine when the children get older they are going to want to find their biological parents with or without you knowing. So that will always be there. 
