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Old 08-29-2017, 04:39 PM
 
1,409 posts, read 809,263 times
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Middletwin

Thank you, I appreciate that being acknowledged... and yes btw I always resented the fake birth certificate and the fake baby book (Stating on May 5 I was born to adoptive parents and how I have daddy's eyes and mommys mouth.. even as a young teen something didn't feel right about it
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Old 08-29-2017, 04:41 PM
 
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Bus man

FYI I was referring to what sounded like an inference by other poster Highflyingbird that "adoptive parents are like other parents and probably better educated" to me I don't know how else to take that other Han it sounds like implication adoptive parents are a bit superior.. if somehow I misunderstood I apologize but to me that's how it came across
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Old 08-29-2017, 05:11 PM
 
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monday - I too am interested in why you think your bioparents could have done a good job of raising you. I assumed (maybe incorrectly) that you know them and they are together, and appear to have been on a path since you were born that would have made them at least acceptable parents.

In the past, I've worked as a consultant who screened infants and provided parent education to new teen moms, and I've been a labor coach for women who arrive at a birthing center alone, I've taught childbirth to teen moms, and am currently a moderator on an internet forum for teen moms.

I think you're gilding the lily if you think your biomom would have been an excellent mom. It's not lack of money that's the worst of what makes teenage moms less successful - it's lack of maturity. I am constantly having to remove posts where these teen girls tell each other how to induce labor early - sometimes as early as 30 weeks, because they're "just so over it". And "I can't even get comfortable at night" I'm giving my baby his eviction papers! And they mean it. They swap stories of what will induce labor. Incredibly selfish!! So if they're that impatient and that self-serving, how good are they going to be at getting up several times a night when they are so tired they stagger to lovingly care for a crying baby? Not good, is the answer to that.

In all my experience, I have seen a few moms who were teens (below 18) who I would call acceptable moms. A few.

The rest just broke my heart. Some of them are like big sisters, kind of in sibling rivalry with their children. Many go on to have boyfriends who abuse their children, or at the very least are indifferent to them and wish they weren't there.

I think maybe you're wearing rose colored glasses where your bio parents are concerned. It's statistically highly unlikely they would have been able to be successful parents.
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Old 08-29-2017, 05:14 PM
 
10,171 posts, read 7,092,483 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mondayafternoons View Post
Bus man

FYI I was referring to what sounded like an inference by other poster Highflyingbird that "adoptive parents are like other parents and probably better educated" to me I don't know how else to take that other Han it sounds like implication adoptive parents are a bit superior.. if somehow I misunderstood I apologize but to me that's how it came across
I think I miswrote it. At least so it wasn't clear. I think that adoptive parents are more educated on trauma in infancy and early childhood (and even as a fetus) and the impacts of it then the average parent. Nothing superior about that...its just part of our lives as parents to learn about and know this information so we can support our children and understand their challenges.
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Old 08-29-2017, 06:38 PM
 
1,409 posts, read 809,263 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
monday - I too am interested in why you think your bioparents could have done a good job of raising you. I assumed (maybe incorrectly) that you know them and they are together, and appear to have been on a path since you were born that would have made them at least acceptable parents.

In the past, I've worked as a consultant who screened infants and provided parent education to new teen moms, and I've been a labor coach for women who arrive at a birthing center alone, I've taught childbirth to teen moms, and am currently a moderator on an internet forum for teen moms.

I think you're gilding the lily if you think your biomom would have been an excellent mom. It's not lack of money that's the worst of what makes teenage moms less successful - it's lack of maturity. I am constantly having to remove posts where these teen girls tell each other how to induce labor early - sometimes as early as 30 weeks, because they're "just so over it". And "I can't even get comfortable at night" I'm giving my baby his eviction papers! And they mean it. They swap stories of what will induce labor. Incredibly selfish!! So if they're that impatient and that self-serving, how good are they going to be at getting up several times a night when they are so tired they stagger to lovingly care for a crying baby? Not good, is the answer to that.

In all my experience, I have seen a few moms who were teens (below 18) who I would call acceptable moms. A few.

The rest just broke my heart. Some of them are like big sisters, kind of in sibling rivalry with their children. Many go on to have boyfriends who abuse their children, or at the very least are indifferent to them and wish they weren't there.

I think maybe you're wearing rose colored glasses where your bio parents are concerned. It's statistically highly unlikely they would have been able to be successful parents.
Clara,
Thanks for the dissertation on your expertise regarding my natural parents. And for the pair of rose colored glasses
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Old 08-29-2017, 06:49 PM
 
10,269 posts, read 4,096,267 times
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Originally Posted by mondayafternoons View Post
Clara,
Thanks for the dissertation on your expertise regarding my natural parents. And for the pair of rose colored glasses
My intent, actually, was to try to ease your anger at not being raised by your natural parents. I think you have a distorted idea, and a misplaced sense of loss, based on what you think it might have been like to be raised by a teen mom.

I certainly wish you well. You have suffered loss, that you didn't cause.
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Old 08-29-2017, 07:02 PM
 
1,409 posts, read 809,263 times
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And... more expertise...thanks again for your guidance on who my natural parents are
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Old 08-29-2017, 07:11 PM
 
10,269 posts, read 4,096,267 times
Reputation: 25964
Quote:
Originally Posted by mondayafternoons View Post
And... more expertise...thanks again for your guidance on who my natural parents are
You've decided an injustice has been done to you - that if your mother had been somehow convinced to raise you rather than relinquish you to people she believed might be more capable, your life would be better.

Here's another piece of expertise - read "Bad childhood, good life" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger.

It might help.
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Old 08-30-2017, 07:46 AM
 
843 posts, read 303,245 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
You've decided an injustice has been done to you - that if your mother had been somehow convinced to raise you rather than relinquish you to people she believed might be more capable, your life would be better.

Here's another piece of expertise - read "Bad childhood, good life" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger.

It might help.
Consider the source, though- Ms Schlessinger's PHD is in Physiology. Her dissertation was, 3-0-Methylglucose Transport in Isolated Rat Adipocytes." which is not counseling. Her advice is predicable - Blame the victim first, allow the males to tell their tale but interrupt the female callers. And of course, those racial slurs.
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Old 08-30-2017, 07:52 AM
 
1,836 posts, read 2,203,741 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mondayafternoons View Post
And... more expertise...thanks again for your guidance on who my natural parents are
So, tell us, how are your birth parents doing?
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