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Old 08-31-2017, 07:41 PM
Status: "Disagreeing is not the same thing as trolling." (set 16 days ago)
 
Location: Texas
9,614 posts, read 3,682,460 times
Reputation: 19754

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Middletwin View Post
Laws are extremely predatory towards infants. People need to THINK that these baby humans grow up and will realize they were pawns for someone else's purpose, unless the adoption was absolutely necessary, which is rare.
Yes, I totally think the laws are predatory towards infants.


Adoption should only be necessary if it's absolutely necessary for the best interest of the child. But a mom being young and poor, doesn't justify it. Lots of children are born to poor families. In fact, most children born worldwide are. That is not good enough reason to rip a family apart.
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Old 09-01-2017, 10:00 AM
 
1,719 posts, read 1,591,032 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Yes, I totally think the laws are predatory towards infants.


Adoption should only be necessary if it's absolutely necessary for the best interest of the child. But a mom being young and poor, doesn't justify it. Lots of children are born to poor families. In fact, most children born worldwide are. That is not good enough reason to rip a family apart.
Perhaps that young and poor woman just doesn't want to mother? Do you think abortion as the alternative to adoption would be an acceptable decision?
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Old 09-01-2017, 10:39 AM
 
64 posts, read 57,367 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by charmed hour View Post
Perhaps that young and poor woman just doesn't want to mother? Do you think abortion as the alternative to adoption would be an acceptable decision?
I've been following this thread but stayed away from commenting because I've been involved in similar discussions on other forums and I'm tired of the back and forth bantering.


But... I absolutely hate it when people bring up the abortion argument as the two are just not connected. Agree with Priscilla that adoption is only necessary if it's in the absolute best interest of the child. Being young & poor does not necessitate taking a baby from a mother.
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Old 09-01-2017, 10:44 AM
 
10,171 posts, read 7,092,483 times
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I think this thread it turning predatory to birth mothers. Of course they are sad about placing their children, but they make a decision based on what is best for themselves and their baby. They aren't (for the most part) clueless blank slates like so many people are making them out to be.
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Old 09-01-2017, 11:35 AM
 
15,740 posts, read 9,261,371 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mondayafternoons View Post
Two high school students.... and?? How short sighted of you. What about the notion of parents regardless of age, having bonded for 9 months with their child, and having an instinctive understanding of what their child needs and how she is created. How about the notion of the benefits inherent to not separating mother and infant, that supersedes finances and a great school district or even uh hum a big backyard? How about two parents who know are bonded with and love their child above themselves compared to a narcisstic parent who is 36 yrs old who sees the child as a long awaited prize to show off and dress up and point out to others that she has dads eyes because he's portuguese. Even though she has a uh hum a nice house, big backyard and a great school district. It is posts like this that illustrate the vast lack of understanding.
Is that your cut and dried assessment of parenting ability and the fact of birth grandparents being there as an possible option to help you conveniently left out btw
Not short sighted. Realistic.

You're making the assumption that just because those parents created you, they would bond and love you above themselves. That your life would have been a utopia because your birth parents would have created the perfect, loving environment to raise their child, and you would have suffered nothing because love conquers all. Do I have that about right?
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Old 09-01-2017, 12:07 PM
 
843 posts, read 303,245 times
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The posts are about how ugly adoption can be, based on someone's experience.It's about what happened which didn't need to, has nothing to do with what the first parents are doing now. What they went through is only a snapshot in time and time doesn't stand still.
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Old 09-01-2017, 05:23 PM
 
1,409 posts, read 809,263 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ringwise View Post
Not short sighted. Realistic.

You're making the assumption that just because those parents created you, they would bond and love you above themselves. That your life would have been a utopia because your birth parents would have created the perfect, loving environment to raise their child, and you would have suffered nothing because love conquers all. Do I have that about right?
Wrong... never spoke of a utopia or a perfect environment-- I felt it's short sighted to assume a parent is unfit based on age .. pls keep up
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Old 09-01-2017, 05:24 PM
 
1,409 posts, read 809,263 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Middletwin View Post
The posts are about how ugly adoption can be, based on someone's experience.It's about what happened which didn't need to, has nothing to do with what the first parents are doing now. What they went through is only a snapshot in time and time doesn't stand still.
This.
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Old 09-03-2017, 09:19 AM
 
46 posts, read 22,235 times
Reputation: 199
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Here's what you aren't grasping. The legal process of adoption itself doesn't cause primal wound or RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder).
I'm grasping things quite clearly. The second sentence above is something I would fully agree with. That is exactly why I DO have trouble "grasping" why it is a point being used to promote the title of this thread "Generally speaking against the majority of adoptions."

Quote:
What causes it, is children being taken from their mother at birth and not receiving enough "human touch" and human bonding, which is a risk when the child is sent to an orphanage where there aren't enough caregivers to go around. So, many adoptees suffer from emotional problems as a result of this.
Again, I'll agree with this in principle. Not sure how one arrives at the "many" generalization. I'll give that to you if we can agree that "emotional problems" can range from serious to barely noticeable.


Quote:
And why do you question that losing a mother or child can cause PTSD? That is a huge loss and trauma. Of course it can cause PTSD.

That is not what I wrote. Many things can cause PTSD, so why would I leave out the loss of a mother or child? My comment was in regards to an article on the topic which implied (as do some posters here) that PTSD is an almost inevitable outcome of the adoption process.

I'm simply not a fan of "all/always" and "never/nothing" scenarios.


If we want to get into "many" and "most" discussions, I have my own conclusions based on experience. I do find that "many" or "most" adoptees who do have issues (real or perceived) in their life like to blame the adoption process (at least the ones that come to adoption discussion groups). Playing the victim is an easy way to avoid facing reality. There are certainly people with genuine issues. However, anyone can find something to complain about in their life and hold on to that instead of moving on and taking control.

Last edited by joef279; 09-03-2017 at 10:02 AM..
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Old 09-03-2017, 10:01 AM
 
46 posts, read 22,235 times
Reputation: 199
Quote:
Originally Posted by mondayafternoons View Post
Joef279,

Let me gently guide you... DNA mom (sounds like a super hero donning a red cape with capital DNA printed on it able to leap a building in a single bound, haha, couldn't resist that sorry) but DNA mom... you mean, first mom....
How you want to categorize things is your prerogative. My use of DNA "mom" was out of politeness. In reality, the woman was only a DNA donor. A female version of an anonymous sperm donor.

Nothing superhero about that, DNA transfer has been happening since life first began.

Her and her partner could be the most wonderful people in the world. They could be completely evil. They are likely like the rest of us - somewhere in between. They are no different than any stranger I might see on the street (except that they have some medical history information that would be useful to me).

What they are not, and can never be, is my "mother" or "father." For *ME*, there is no "first" or "second." I only have one mother and one father. There is no one who could ever share those titles.

As I have stated before, everyone's situation is different. These things cannot be generalized. It appears your situation may be quite different than mine. It doesn't make either of us "right" or "wrong."

Again, I truly hope you find peace.


There is a line in the Don Henley song, "Heart of the Matter" - "you keep carrying that anger, it will eat you up inside."

When I was younger, I tended to carry grudges and hold on to anger. (It's an Italian thing). One day I realized that it served no purpose. When I was able to let all that go, it literally felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. There is wisdom in Henley's line.

Despite the back and forth, I'm really not looking to argue with you. I'm not even going to assume the above applies to you. If it does, consider giving it some thought. If not, ignore it and maybe someone else will find it helpful.
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