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Old 09-04-2017, 01:01 PM
 
Location: Bella Vista, Ark
71,683 posts, read 83,258,368 times
Reputation: 41524

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Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Yes, I totally think the laws are predatory towards infants.


Adoption should only be necessary if it's absolutely necessary for the best interest of the child. But a mom being young and poor, doesn't justify it. Lots of children are born to poor families. In fact, most children born worldwide are. That is not good enough reason to rip a family apart.
OMG, you really think being a teen mother, with no education and no money can raise a child successfully in most cases? It is just the opposite. How many young women do you know who have tried this and/or how many adopted kids do you know? Maybe I am partial but we have raised 2 adopted children. Both are are adults with their own kids. Ask them how they feel about being adopted? No, it isn't always a happy ending, some kids are raised in homes that are not fit, this can work regardless of whether we are talking adoption or not. Ask our foster daughter how she felt when she was returned to her real mom. To this day and she is in her 60s we wished she had stayed with us even though she was not adopted. This doesn't mean she didn't love her mom, she did, but she knows she would have had a better life had she not been returned to her mother.

You say "rip a family apart" if a young woman decides she is not ready for motherhood, I hardly call that ripping a family apart. We are not talking about someone being forced to give up a child. That is a totally different topic.
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Old 09-04-2017, 01:05 PM
 
Location: Bella Vista, Ark
71,683 posts, read 83,258,368 times
Reputation: 41524
Quote:
Originally Posted by opus123 View Post
I've been following this thread but stayed away from commenting because I've been involved in similar discussions on other forums and I'm tired of the back and forth bantering.


But... I absolutely hate it when people bring up the abortion argument as the two are just not connected. Agree with Priscilla that adoption is only necessary if it's in the absolute best interest of the child. Being young & poor does not necessitate taking a baby from a mother.
and who makes the decision that raising a baby is the right thing to do? Not you or me, but the biological mother herself. As for bringing up adoption versus abortion, of course there is a connection.
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Old 09-04-2017, 01:14 PM
 
Location: Bella Vista, Ark
71,683 posts, read 83,258,368 times
Reputation: 41524
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nov3 View Post
your only as good as your intentions....
I am sure MOST adoptions are meant with Positive goals...

Try being a foster kid who is "knowing" at each event (family holidays...birthdays) ...that we are orphans with a roof over our heads...and thats about it! Foster parents get that nice check each month...and do not even have to treat you like a family member. As one of my foster parents said.....Its a HIS/Hers and then there is Nov3. You are a "ward" of the state...a product....a thing to be checked in on to see if you have a pulse .....
Sorry off tangent...Point made none the less....
and for those foster kids who are being fostered for that check, how sad, but there are foster parents out there that do it out of the kindness or their hearts, they love for children and yes, their need to be needed just like most of us. For the foster child who feels unwanted an unloved my heart goes out to everyone of them the as to the child who was adopted like the OP and it didn't mean the best childhood, but this is not always the situation. I can guarantee you every foster child we had was treated just like our biological child and our adopted kids, always. Not only by us but by our families. And let me add, most parents who adopt do it out of love, not for any other reason. If you think, for one second there is an ulterior motive please tell me what it is. Raising a child, whether biological or natural is hard work and costly to say the least.
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Old 09-04-2017, 04:44 PM
 
1,409 posts, read 801,862 times
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Middletwin and PriscillaVanilla...
Yes agreed the laws are totally predatory towards birth mothers and the potential adoptees... I think that's uncomfortable for some adoptive parents to hear.. doesn't negate the reality though.. the predatory nature of the whole adoption industry even yes present day, also the laws and adoption courts yep predatory... couple years ago I went to fill out a form to request some more info re my natural parents. Part of the reason was for a health history. So that every doctor I go to I can put more down than "unknown- adopted" on the intake. But of course it was more than that. The judge promptly ruled I was not allowed any info. Period. Still seen as property decades later.
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Old 09-05-2017, 06:09 AM
 
Location: Bella Vista, Ark
71,683 posts, read 83,258,368 times
Reputation: 41524
Quote:
Originally Posted by mondayafternoons View Post
Middletwin and PriscillaVanilla...
Yes agreed the laws are totally predatory towards birth mothers and the potential adoptees... I think that's uncomfortable for some adoptive parents to hear.. doesn't negate the reality though.. the predatory nature of the whole adoption industry even yes present day, also the laws and adoption courts yep predatory... couple years ago I went to fill out a form to request some more info re my natural parents. Part of the reason was for a health history. So that every doctor I go to I can put more down than "unknown- adopted" on the intake. But of course it was more than that. The judge promptly ruled I was not allowed any info. Period. Still seen as property decades later.
and if you are an adult you should have the right to some information. I know our daughter has no desire what so ever to find her biological mom. She says she has seen 2 people she knows do this and it just added to confusion. Our son, would like to know about his biological family for, if nothing else health reasons. I know the laws are set up for a reason, but it is still understandable why adults might want to locate their birth moms.
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Old 09-05-2017, 07:01 AM
 
64 posts, read 56,909 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nmnita View Post
and who makes the decision that raising a baby is the right thing to do? Not you or me, but the biological mother herself. As for bringing up adoption versus abortion, of course there is a connection.

What's the connection?
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Old 09-05-2017, 07:25 AM
 
1,409 posts, read 801,862 times
Reputation: 2331
Quote:
Originally Posted by nmnita View Post
and who makes the decision that raising a baby is the right thing to do? Not you or me, but the biological mother herself. As for bringing up adoption versus abortion, of course there is a connection.
I may elaborate a bit more later but for now I want to hone in on the proposition that the decision to give up her child is made 100% by the birth mom. This can be true in the technical sense but considering not to forget the predatory nature of the adoption industry and that the birth mother and the child she's carrying are basically prey, adds up to a dynamic that isn't 100% voluntary.
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Old 09-05-2017, 09:12 AM
 
43 posts, read 21,636 times
Reputation: 194
Quote:
Originally Posted by opus123 View Post
What's the connection?
Does it really need to be spelled out?

!. Adoption
2. Abortion/"morning after" pill
3. Leave baby on doorstep
4. Leave baby in dumpster
5. Keep and raise baby
6. Keep baby and have it raised by family member claiming they are the parent

These are all connected because they are all options for a pregnant woman. I'm guessing you wouldn't do very well on "Family Feud."
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Old 09-05-2017, 11:41 AM
 
817 posts, read 295,167 times
Reputation: 1062
Quote:
Originally Posted by joef279 View Post
Does it really need to be spelled out?

!. Adoption
2. Abortion/"morning after" pill
3. Leave baby on doorstep
4. Leave baby in dumpster
5. Keep and raise baby
6. Keep baby and have it raised by family member claiming they are the parent

These are all connected because they are all options for a pregnant woman. I'm guessing you wouldn't do very well on "Family Feud."
There has to be a birth for the possibility of adoption. This can't happen if one aborts though, so in actuality there's no connection.

That said, I do understand why people think there's a connection though but for me and many others, it resembles human trafficking by imploring one to remain pregnant then use their family member in a transaction.
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Old 09-05-2017, 12:02 PM
 
10,171 posts, read 7,034,037 times
Reputation: 23927
Quote:
Originally Posted by mondayafternoons View Post
Middletwin and PriscillaVanilla...
Yes agreed the laws are totally predatory towards birth mothers and the potential adoptees... I think that's uncomfortable for some adoptive parents to hear.. doesn't negate the reality though.. the predatory nature of the whole adoption industry even yes present day, also the laws and adoption courts yep predatory... couple years ago I went to fill out a form to request some more info re my natural parents. Part of the reason was for a health history. So that every doctor I go to I can put more down than "unknown- adopted" on the intake. But of course it was more than that. The judge promptly ruled I was not allowed any info. Period. Still seen as property decades later.
I am 100% on your side in this. I think the information belongs to the child, and as an adult they should be able to access that information. And to some extent the identity of the birth parents (I don't want to step on birth parent's rights if they want to remain anonymous, but I still think the adult-child has the right to know).

As an aside, have you tried 23&me? I think that is going to really shake up the way adopted people find relatives. I have found cousins for both of my kids. They are still kids themselves so just had limited interaction with their parents. But it is one way to potentially find bio relatives and health information.
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