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Old 09-11-2017, 09:54 AM
bg7
 
7,697 posts, read 8,175,411 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SoftSleepyKitten View Post
Of course you'd have preferred to stay with your bio mom and dad. Every child would want that.
But if it is not possible then what?
If your mom and dad don't want you what should have happened?
Bollox. There are many abusive, sexual abusive, biological parents. The children do not want to stay with them. What the heck are you talking about "every child."
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Old 09-11-2017, 01:56 PM
 
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I believe that she is saying any child would want to be with their natural parents. Not that children want to be with an abusive parent - natural OR adoptive parent either for that matter. Abuse not withstanding any child's need and preference would be to remain with their natural parents. That is unless there is abuse involved the best interest of the child.
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Old 09-11-2017, 02:32 PM
 
173 posts, read 90,990 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bg7 View Post
Bollox. There are many abusive, sexual abusive, biological parents. The children do not want to stay with them. What the heck are you talking about "every child."
There are but consider the context in which I said this - in the context of a child being given up.
Many feel rejected. It is likely some were and some were not. But can you honestly say you'd like to feel rejected? I think most people want to be wanted. They want to believe they were hoped for and loved as a baby. You have on this thread a few who can't accept that despite presenting no evidence to the contrary. The thought of being so unwanted is terrifying even to adults.

And even in the case of abusive parents many children still love them. Humans are complex.
We don't always love what is good for us.
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Old 09-11-2017, 03:31 PM
 
15,736 posts, read 9,257,235 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SoftSleepyKitten View Post
Of course you'd have preferred to stay with your bio mom and dad. Every child would want that.
But if it is not possible then what?
If your mom and dad don't want you what should have happened?
Every parent is not ideal. And sometimes kids have no idea what's best for them.

My husband's cousin had a child with a man she didn't know in a drug-induced state. When the baby was 10 months old, her druggie friends called her dad to come get the baby because the conditions he was being raised in were so bad. When they arrived, he was in the corner in a urine and feces soaked blanket, covered in lice. Her dad raised him, but when he was 13 or so, his mother "turned her life around" and he went to live with her (after a fight by her dad, which he lost) because her some wanted to live with his mom. A few years later she fell off the wagon, and died of a drug overdose on the couch while he was home. He's now in jail for a multitude of offenses, from drugs to armed robbery.
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Old 09-11-2017, 04:33 PM
 
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Lest we overlook the fact that there are adoptive parents who are predators, or abusive or molest their kids etc. despite being older and well educated, home owner etc - yes some kids are taken from young parents due to mainly their age as the factor, and placed into adoptive homes where while they may be older and have a home are more harmful for the child to be in that environment
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Old 09-12-2017, 11:07 AM
 
Location: Howard County, Maryland
5,677 posts, read 3,653,594 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mondayafternoons View Post
Lest we overlook the fact that there are adoptive parents who are predators, or abusive or molest their kids etc. despite being older and well educated, home owner etc - yes some kids are taken from young parents due to mainly their age as the factor, and placed into adoptive homes where while they may be older and have a home are more harmful for the child to be in that environment
This is similar to the abortion argument. If only we had aborted Hitler, we could have avoided the Holocaust. Yes, but if we had aborted (insert name of famous doctor or scientist or artist or inventor) then we would have been denied (healing or discovery or artwork or invention).

The fact that there are abusive adoptive parents is not an argument against adoption, any more than the fact that there are abusive biological parents is an argument against parenting.
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Old 09-12-2017, 02:02 PM
 
1,409 posts, read 808,778 times
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I simply stated this because of all the posts re bio parents being unfit, too young etc
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Old 09-13-2017, 09:45 AM
 
840 posts, read 302,497 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bus man View Post
This is similar to the abortion argument. If only we had aborted Hitler, we could have avoided the Holocaust. Yes, but if we had aborted (insert name of famous doctor or scientist or artist or inventor) then we would have been denied (healing or discovery or artwork or invention).

The fact that there are abusive adoptive parents is not an argument against adoption, any more than the fact that there are abusive biological parents is an argument against parenting.
It wasn't even an argument (opposition to adoption is based on second parents' potential abusiveness).
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Old 09-15-2017, 01:49 PM
 
Location: Bella Vista, Ark
71,992 posts, read 83,671,479 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SoftSleepyKitten View Post
There are but consider the context in which I said this - in the context of a child being given up.
Many feel rejected. It is likely some were and some were not. But can you honestly say you'd like to feel rejected? I think most people want to be wanted. They want to believe they were hoped for and loved as a baby. You have on this thread a few who can't accept that despite presenting no evidence to the contrary. The thought of being so unwanted is terrifying even to adults.

And even in the case of abusive parents many children still love them. Humans are complex.
We don't always love what is good for us.
Yes, there is a sense of rejection. Our own son feels this way, but has never come out and said it. That certainly doesn't mean he wished he had not been adopted or hasn't had a great life, one he is happy with. And yes, even kids who are abused love their parents. Don't we love our kids even the ones that drive up nuts from time to time again, that does not mean the kids want to return to their biological parents or are not happy with their life. The only people who can really understand the adoptive parent/child situation is a adopted child or a child given up for adoption. The same goes with foster kids and their relationships with natural and foster families.
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Old 09-15-2017, 01:55 PM
 
Location: Bella Vista, Ark
71,992 posts, read 83,671,479 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mondayafternoons View Post
Lest we overlook the fact that there are adoptive parents who are predators, or abusive or molest their kids etc. despite being older and well educated, home owner etc - yes some kids are taken from young parents due to mainly their age as the factor, and placed into adoptive homes where while they may be older and have a home are more harmful for the child to be in that environment
Oh how little you know. Children are never removed from a family because the parents are too young for heaven sake. There has to be reason to suspect child abuse or some such thing and even then these kids are never put up for adoption. For a child to be eligible for adoption the parent has to release the kid.

as for adoptive parents being predators of course that happens, just like in any other home. It is rare, thank god but can happen.

I have to ask where you got the idea kids can be taken from their biological family and put up for adoption because they mommy is too young or maybe doesn't have enough money?
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