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Old 09-15-2017, 07:17 PM
 
1,409 posts, read 803,470 times
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Excuse me ma'am, I was given up for adoption because my parents were teenagers. Don't resort to insults or putdowns of "how little you know" comment you wrote. I am an adoptee, I know plenty bout it. If your under the impression that teen mothers are never coerced into giving up their child because they are a teenager, with the message your too young dear, give him to more mature parents... you really are unaware of the plight of many who have been preyed on because of their age
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Old 09-18-2017, 05:22 AM
 
Location: NJ
10,618 posts, read 21,288,128 times
Reputation: 8677
Quote:
Originally Posted by mondayafternoons View Post
Excuse me ma'am, I was given up for adoption because my parents were teenagers. Don't resort to insults or putdowns of "how little you know" comment you wrote. I am an adoptee, I know plenty bout it. If your under the impression that teen mothers are never coerced into giving up their child because they are a teenager, with the message your too young dear, give him to more mature parents... you really are unaware of the plight of many who have been preyed on because of their age
Agree. Babies were taken from women for all sorts of reasons, young, not being married. Their parents had the say in what happened. It's only my generation that stopped allowing their parents to decide what happens when they get pregnant. Now there are tons of laws but that doesn't mean teens aren't forced into putting their kids for adoption.

Mother and son reunite — almost 50 years after she says an Omaha priest forced her to give up her baby By Michael O'Connor / World-Herald staff writer Jun 5, 2017
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Old 09-18-2017, 09:02 AM
 
Location: Bella Vista, Ark
71,724 posts, read 83,359,825 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mondayafternoons View Post
Excuse me ma'am, I was given up for adoption because my parents were teenagers. Don't resort to insults or putdowns of "how little you know" comment you wrote. I am an adoptee, I know plenty bout it. If your under the impression that teen mothers are never coerced into giving up their child because they are a teenager, with the message your too young dear, give him to more mature parents... you really are unaware of the plight of many who have been preyed on because of their age
oh for heavens sake, No one ever said a mother was not coerced into giving a child up. What was said is, the state does not just go in and take a child because of a mother's age. And in order for a child to be placed in an adoptive home the mother has to sign release papers after the birth of the baby. She is free to change her mind up until then. I still say, if you knew the whole story not just what you want to know you would realize no one has to give a child up.
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Old 09-18-2017, 11:25 AM
 
1,409 posts, read 803,470 times
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That's a reality you can live in if it's easier for you
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Old 09-18-2017, 12:55 PM
 
Location: Bella Vista, Ark
71,724 posts, read 83,359,825 times
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Originally Posted by mondayafternoons View Post
That's a reality you can live in if it's easier for you
I am sorry you had a bad experience. Nothing is always perfect and you obviously feel you would have been better off raised by your biological parent or parents. There are those who feel this way.I do understand, but my point and I know from personal experience. Never is a parent forced to surrender their child due to not having enough money or they are too young. I have adopted children, we fostered children for years and have had a few friends who did give up a child for adoption. In fact in 2 cases they eventually located their children. One has a good relationship with the child she surrendered, the other has an ok, but it neither case did the biological mother make any attempt to interfere in the life of the child they gave up and in neither case were the children bitter about being given up. They realize it is a selfless parent that can give a child up. It is often a selfish mother who chooses to keep her child. This not always the case, but often times is. When the adoption is handled through a reputable adoption agency and proper care is taken the adoptions usually work out well for all.
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Old 09-18-2017, 07:17 PM
 
1,409 posts, read 803,470 times
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I'm sorry but so much of what your saying is offensive and frankly imo and experience not true. I.e. Your statement that a mother who chooses to keep her own child is selfish... just one example, just plain not true

I guess we'll just have to agree we disagree... as an adoptee I find much of what your saying to be sugar coated, and some of it to be prejudiced against the natural mother (i.e. Mothers who choose to raise their child are selfish... I could say what some adoptees not just myself have found to be the case with many adoptive parents- not all, but many
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Old 09-19-2017, 07:49 AM
 
1,831 posts, read 2,192,482 times
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Originally Posted by mondayafternoons View Post
I'm sorry but so much of what your saying is offensive and frankly imo and experience not true. I.e. Your statement that a mother who chooses to keep her own child is selfish... just one example, just plain not true
It can be true. My situation is a great example. My daughter's birth parents had their rights terminated because they neglected her and chose drugs over her. As is often the case when one has their rights terminated, rather than using that as a wakeup call to get their acts together, they chose to have another child. That child, my son, was born with cocaine and methadone in his system. If that isn't selfish, I don't know what is.
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Old 09-19-2017, 08:47 AM
 
Location: Bella Vista, Ark
71,724 posts, read 83,359,825 times
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Originally Posted by djmaxwell View Post
It can be true. My situation is a great example. My daughter's birth parents had their rights terminated because they neglected her and chose drugs over her. As is often the case when one has their rights terminated, rather than using that as a wakeup call to get their acts together, they chose to have another child. That child, my son, was born with cocaine and methadone in his system. If that isn't selfish, I don't know what is.
We had a young man in our old church in NM who happened to be gay, thus was not married. He adopted a darling baby who, like yours, was born addicted to coke. Even with the mother being in prison, the baby was not eligible for adoption until the mother finally signed release papers. I gave that young man so much credit for doing a great job as the baby did have problems from drugs. We moved away when he was under 2, so I have no idea how he turned out. My husband and I also do volunteer work at a near by school. We mentor kids who need extra attention. A couple of years ago, the little girl I had was one of 6 siblings living in foster care. Prior to foster care, her mom lived on the street. Still the kids could not be adopted, only placed in foster care. Long story short, finally mom did surrender all of the kids and the little girl we mentored plus her younger sister were adopted by her foster parents. The story has a happy ending, but the kids spent so many years not knowing what it was like to live in a normal family.
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Old 09-19-2017, 12:33 PM
 
827 posts, read 297,061 times
Reputation: 1077
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Originally Posted by nmnita View Post
oh for heavens sake, No one ever said a mother was not coerced into giving a child up. What was said is, the state does not just go in and take a child because of a mother's age. And in order for a child to be placed in an adoptive home the mother has to sign release papers after the birth of the baby. She is free to change her mind up until then. I still say, if you knew the whole story not just what you want to know you would realize no one has to give a child up.

Actually, a mother is not free - she's under psychological warfare. Here are few (USA infant adoption) - Awesome, if she's a teenager with self-esteem easier to chip away! Bonus, documents signed before hormones dive on the third day after birth. Assure her that open-adoptions are in the future - but don't tell her that second parents can renege at any time. Score, if potential adopters are in the room while a Mom is giving birth! All covert coercive tactics = psychological warfare.
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Old 09-19-2017, 01:21 PM
 
827 posts, read 297,061 times
Reputation: 1077
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Originally Posted by nmnita View Post
I am sorry you had a bad experience. Nothing is always perfect and you obviously feel you would have been better off raised by your biological parent or parents. There are those who feel this way.I do understand, but my point and I know from personal experience. Never is a parent forced to surrender their child due to not having enough money or they are too young. I have adopted children, we fostered children for years and have had a few friends who did give up a child for adoption. In fact in 2 cases they eventually located their children. One has a good relationship with the child she surrendered, the other has an ok, but it neither case did the biological mother make any attempt to interfere in the life of the child they gave up and in neither case were the children bitter about being given up. They realize it is a selfless parent that can give a child up. It is often a selfish mother who chooses to keep her child. This not always the case, but often times is. When the adoption is handled through a reputable adoption agency and proper care is taken the adoptions usually work out well for all.
Glorifying selfless at the expense of family is right there with getting crucified for strangers' sins - making victims and their believers feel better about being victimized. Maybe, the mother is actually selfish, in reality? Maybe a parent who remains a parent is actually the selfless one?
The point is, if we remain with the TRUE purpose for placing an infant or child with strangers, then we don't have to court a mother in such manner.
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