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Old 10-02-2017, 02:11 PM
 
Location: Gulf Coast
1,256 posts, read 537,856 times
Reputation: 1981

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Middletwin View Post
Forgiveness, thankfulness and not feeling like a victim seem futile for preventing unnecessary adoptions. (This of course is in the child's best interest.) It actually might make a few people mad, too, to be told, they're supposed to feel that way.
I didn't say it was my goal to prevent adoptions. YOU said I should advocate for that.

Unforgiveness and unthankfulness breeds bitterness and resentment. I choose not to live there.

I don't blame anyone for my childhood. I didn't CHOOSE to be adopted. I didn't CHOOSE my family and my upbringing. But I do CHOOSE how I live today.

We can't change our past, but we can change our future. The choice is ours.

Last edited by SouthernProper; 10-02-2017 at 02:54 PM..
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Old 10-02-2017, 03:19 PM
 
828 posts, read 297,061 times
Reputation: 1077
Quote:
Originally Posted by SouthernProper View Post
I didn't say it was my goal to prevent future adoptions. YOU said I should advocate for that.

Unforgiveness and unthankfulness breeds bitterness and resentment. I choose not to live there.

I don't blame anyone for my childhood. I didn't CHOOSE to be adopted. I didn't CHOOSE my family and my upbringing. But I do CHOOSE how I live today.

We can't change our past, but we can change our future. The choice is ours.
Having an unfavorable or favorable upbringing isn't what this thread is about, though. In your case and Op, your experiences don't undo your upbringing. However, those experiences lead to awareness. With awareness, then reform may be a possibility.
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Old 10-02-2017, 03:50 PM
 
Location: Gulf Coast
1,256 posts, read 537,856 times
Reputation: 1981
Reform what? I'm not against adoptions.

I'm against abortions.

I'm against drugs and alcohol which lead to addiction, poor lifestyle choices and poverty (whether or not they lead to children being removed from the home).

I'm against our broken, corrupt, and morally bankrupt foster care system.

I'm against foster parents being in it "for the money" ... and I know plenty.

I'm completely against adopting out RAD children. They are almost always placed with utterly unsuspecting and ill-prepared families. And really, who would ever be prepared to deal with it?

I'm against a lot of things ... but adoption isn't one of them.
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Old 10-02-2017, 04:25 PM
 
828 posts, read 297,061 times
Reputation: 1077
Quote:
Originally Posted by SouthernProper View Post
Reform what? I'm not against adoptions.

I'm against abortions.

I'm against drugs and alcohol which lead to addiction, poor lifestyle choices and poverty (whether or not they lead to children being removed from the home).

I'm against our broken, corrupt, and morally bankrupt foster care system.

I'm against foster parents being in it "for the money" ... and I know plenty.

I'm completely against adopting out RAD children. They are almost always placed with utterly unsuspecting and ill-prepared families. And really, who would ever be prepared to deal with it?

I'm against a lot of things ... but adoption isn't one of them.
This thread isn't about being against adoption, either. Btw, reform doesn't mean being against something.
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Old 10-02-2017, 04:32 PM
 
Location: Gulf Coast
1,256 posts, read 537,856 times
Reputation: 1981
OP's title says "against majority of adoptions".

I don't share her opinion or views on that. The entire system is fundamentally flawed and needs an overhaul.

What are your suggestions and ideas for reform?
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Old 10-02-2017, 08:48 PM
 
1,409 posts, read 803,470 times
Reputation: 2331
Quote:
Originally Posted by SouthernProper View Post
Reform what? I'm not against adoptions.

I'm against abortions.

I'm against drugs and alcohol which lead to addiction, poor lifestyle choices and poverty (whether or not they lead to children being removed from the home).

I'm against our broken, corrupt, and morally bankrupt foster care system.

I'm against foster parents being in it "for the money" ... and I know plenty.

I'm completely against adopting out RAD children. They are almost always placed with utterly unsuspecting and ill-prepared families. And really, who would ever be prepared to deal with it?

I'm against a lot of things ... but adoption isn't one of them.
Your reasoning makes little sense to me--- you state how your real dad was never made aware you existed-- yet you don't feel you should advocate for fathers rights because you want to be thankful?? Did I miss something? How does being thankful preclude also seeing the value in fathers having some basic rights???

And along with that, what is the connection or point your attempting to make about "thankfulness" in relation to adoptees and their natural parents? I pray tto God your not going to regurgitate that tired pious mentality that adoptees are not being thankful ? (The tiresome and irrelevant scolding some give adoptees who question adoption, based on a misguided pious "we know better than you do" mentality that adoptees are unthankful if they question adoption, because they're lucky they didn't grow up in an orphanage, blah blah.

And abortion? This thread isn't about abortion.
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Old 10-02-2017, 10:07 PM
 
Location: Gulf Coast
1,256 posts, read 537,856 times
Reputation: 1981
Quote:
Originally Posted by mondayafternoons View Post
Your reasoning makes little sense to me--- you state how your real dad was never made aware you existed-- yet you don't feel you should advocate for fathers rights because you want to be thankful?? Did I miss something? How does being thankful preclude also seeing the value in fathers having some basic rights???

And along with that, what is the connection or point your attempting to make about "thankfulness" in relation to adoptees and their natural parents? I pray tto God your not going to regurgitate that tired pious mentality that adoptees are not being thankful ? (The tiresome and irrelevant scolding some give adoptees who question adoption, based on a misguided pious "we know better than you do" mentality that adoptees are unthankful if they question adoption, because they're lucky they didn't grow up in an orphanage, blah blah.

And abortion? This thread isn't about abortion.
Point #1. Advocate: Champion, supporter, promoter, spokesperson, fighter. Fathers have rights and they absolutely need an advocate in the court system. However, that person is not me. I'm nobody's spokesperson.

My point was simply this:

My life happened the way it happened. It was a long time ago. My mom had her reasons. I love my mom and BOTH of my dads. Do they wish things had been different? Perhaps. But we're all at peace with the way life unfolded. Though it was difficult when I learned the truth (20 years ago) there are no longer any hard feelings on any side. I've enjoyed being part of my dad's life for 18 years. I don't dwell on it or lament it, I no longer wish things had been different.

Point #2. My point about thankfulness with regards to adoption is that one might come to the place of being at peace with how life turns out, instead of focusing on an ideal. Quite a lot of your posts sound as though you've had difficulty with that. You sound very resentful, even hostile toward people who are trying to impart some wisdom here. You make it sound as though you got the short end of the stick, and that's not healthy. My life was VERY, VERY difficult ... so don't think for a moment that I don't know what I'm talking about.

Point #3. Many people who are anti-adoption are pro-abortion (I'm not saying you are, I have no idea). While I agree with you that the foster care system is inept and in need of an overhaul, and I agree that the adoption process is flawed, I am not in favor of killing babies as a remedy. I was simply making MY point clear on that.

The bottom line being, it's a mess ... and there are no easy solutions.

Last edited by SouthernProper; 10-02-2017 at 10:53 PM..
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Old 10-03-2017, 09:09 AM
 
828 posts, read 297,061 times
Reputation: 1077
I went back and re-read posts. Some posts go for the low hanging fruit, comparing parents and other condescending remarks. Maybe it's just too hard, or too new to think or maybe the adoption industry has done a stellar job of infiltrating our minds, because there's a lot of parroting. Hence the frustration.

It's about the process of adoption based on experience. You also have something similar, and no you don't have to advocate for fathers' rights, based on that. That said, there are those not affected by adoption who advocate for equal treatment of fellow tax-paying citizens, who can see the injustice of fragmenting families through exploitation, who understand adoption is for children who need homes because when it becomes something other than that, abuses occur via predatory laws. So yes, adoption is a mess. But ultimately, its about the child so naturally, a molester won't get their child, as an example.

This thread is not about abortion because a pregnant woman decides whether to stay that way, or not, and if she does, her fetus isn't adoptable. Instead, they must wait until after a birth for the family to be divorced. This is where most of adoption exploitation (12 hours post birth, to sign documents in the hospital, probably one of the worst) is occurring.
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Old 10-03-2017, 09:48 AM
 
Location: Gulf Coast
1,256 posts, read 537,856 times
Reputation: 1981
Quote:
Originally Posted by Middletwin View Post
I went back and re-read posts. Some posts go for the low hanging fruit, comparing parents and other condescending remarks. Maybe it's just too hard, or too new to think or maybe the adoption industry has done a stellar job of infiltrating our minds, because there's a lot of parroting. Hence the frustration.

It's about the process of adoption based on experience. You also have something similar, and no you don't have to advocate for fathers' rights, based on that. That said, there are those not affected by adoption who advocate for equal treatment of fellow tax-paying citizens, who can see the injustice of fragmenting families through exploitation, who understand adoption is for children who need homes because when it becomes something other than that, abuses occur via predatory laws. So yes, adoption is a mess. But ultimately, its about the child so naturally, a molester won't get their child, as an example.

This thread is not about abortion because a pregnant woman decides whether to stay that way, or not, and if she does, her fetus isn't adoptable. Instead, they must wait until after a birth for the family to be divorced. This is where most of adoption exploitation (12 hours post birth, to sign documents in the hospital, probably one of the worst) is occurring.
I joined the discussion because #1) I am adopted and #2) We were foster parents to a toddler during the pre-adoptive phase, with hopes of adopting her. She showed signs of RAD.

So I'm acquainted enough with both the process and emotion on all sides of the equation. The entire process was incredibly eye opening ... and traumatic for our family.
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Old 10-04-2017, 11:26 PM
 
3,867 posts, read 2,721,967 times
Reputation: 7112
Quote:
Originally Posted by SouthernProper View Post
I joined the discussion because #1) I am adopted and #2) We were foster parents to a toddler during the pre-adoptive phase, with hopes of adopting her. She showed signs of RAD.

So I'm acquainted enough with both the process and emotion on all sides of the equation. The entire process was incredibly eye opening ... and traumatic for our family.
I am also adopted by my dad. Two of my birth cousins were adopted out. I have 3 adopted grandchildren out of foster care, one with severe RAD, my mom was adopted by my grandpa.

Make no mistake, our adopted grandkids have their problems because of abuse from their birth parents, and yes, we call them the birth parents. Neglect, sexual abuse, no food, drugs, lock them in closets. Could they attach to mommy while starving in the closet while she did more drugs, no, probably not. It took years to get them through the system and adopted. Can we ever get them to normal? They're all in therapy and medicated and it is still a terrible struggle.

I never knew my birth dad, but I respected my adopted dad so much for marrying mom and adopting me, I was very lucky. I have two cousins that I didn't know about until my grandma died. My aunt got pregnant twice and didn't want the babies. My grandma got one adopted by her friends in another town. The next baby she couldn't bear to lose and she was passed around the family as a foster child, finally adopted by another family member.

So for her whole life, she didn't realize that her "aunt" was actually her birth mom. Now that is some rejection by the mother, but a connection from the grandmother, who refused to give her away.

So OP, you sound like you know exactly what happened when your birth parents gave you up. Why don't you go talk with them and find out for sure? Maybe you have siblings you could connect with. You may build a relationship or you may find that you're wrong, that you weren't ripped from them, that they maybe didn't want a child at that time, like my aunt.
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