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I may elaborate a bit more later but for now I want to hone in on the proposition that the decision to give up her child is made 100% by the birth mom. This can be true in the technical sense but considering not to forget the predatory nature of the adoption industry and that the birth mother and the child she's carrying are basically prey, adds up to a dynamic that isn't 100% voluntary.
I do not think, or at least it has been our experience anyone pressures a mother to make the decision to surrender her child. That is why a baby can not even be placed in an adoptive home until the birth mother walks into the agency and signs papers and this is done after the birth. Many people do not realize this. Now in the case of a private adoption rules may be a little different. In that case both the adoptive parents and the birth mother are at some risk, especially the adoptive family. A private adoption the baby is often placed with the adoptive parents days after birth and there is really nothing to prevent the mother from changing her mind prior to the finalizing of the adoption.
I do not think, or at least it has been our experience anyone pressures a mother to make the decision to surrender her child. That is why a baby can not even be placed in an adoptive home until the birth mother walks into the agency and signs papers and this is done after the birth. Many people do not realize this. Now in the case of a private adoption rules may be a little different. In that case both the adoptive parents and the birth mother are at some risk, especially the adoptive family. A private adoption the baby is often placed with the adoptive parents days after birth and there is really nothing to prevent the mother from changing her mind prior to the finalizing of the adoption.
Correct - adoption happens after a birth.
Incorrect - Walking into an agency does not make her a birth mother. She is either a pregnant woman or expectant mother.
I think there are some who have the mindset that in order for an adoption to have any type of trauma attached to it there needs to be some extreme situation of kidnapping, human trafficking etc. Others apparently understand that an infant being taken (I didn't say kidnapped) from his mother *is* a trauma in itself, there does not need to be a masked kidnapper, baby sellers in a van, etc in order for that in itself to be a trauma.
This mentality is puzzling perplexing and frustrating to me, it's hard to understand why one would assume there needs to be a kidnapping or a van pulling up with an evil villain grabbing a baby to be trotted out-- imo these extreme scenarios are sometimes used to minimize the fact that a baby being taken from his mother in a legal adoption and given to strangers is not enough to cause trauma. There must be villains, baby sellers or kidnappers involved in order for there to be a trauma.
The birth process itself is extremely traumatic. Not suggesting that adoption always results in the best situation for the child, but doubtful that when an infant is born and soon given to loving adoptive parents to raise, it is any more traumatic than that. Whatever decision is made should be in the best interest of the child, at that time.
There seems to be some difficulty regarding what can be interpreted as the best interest of the adult child 30 years later, if everyone could go back in time. That cannot always be deduced when the child is very young, as no one has a crystal ball. Perhaps it would be helpful to make peace with that idea. Many other factors can come into play in the meantime, as with any other child and family, as time passes. That's the way life is. All kinds of stuff happens, and we just make the very best decisions we can at the time.
Wishing all adopted adult children peace...love, too.
As an adoptee, my own views on adoption are mostly negative-- of course there are the exceptions- birth parents who truly couldn't parent and a happy ending. However it goes against nature. This along with the manner in which many adoptive parents view the adoptee add up to not a good idea imo
Of course you'd have preferred to stay with your bio mom and dad. Every child would want that.
But if it is not possible then what?
If your mom and dad don't want you what should have happened?
Of course you'd have preferred to stay with your bio mom and dad. Every child would want that.
But if it is not possible then what?
If your mom and dad don't want you what should have happened?
And just thinking of that my own child's bf is a good example.
His teenage mom "kept" him for a while but still wanted to live like a teenager so the grandparents were left most of the time to raise her child. She really resented him. Her parents let her go to college and leave him with them and then afterwards she got married and didn't want to take her son back. He isn't officially adopted by his grandparents but how do you imagine that makes him feel?
He has so many emotional issues from being so rejected by his mom. Life isn't fair that way - none of us get to choose our parents and the unknown is really just that -the unknown. People do have a choice about whether they want to be parents and we can't stop that.
Of course you'd have preferred to stay with your bio mom and dad. Every child would want that.
But if it is not possible then what?
If your mom and dad don't want you what should have happened?
As the case was for adoptions back then from teen mothers, it was a predatory industry.. rather than as some other posters suggested that there should have been (and still should) aggressively sought after alternatives explored and then adoption as a last resort. So not so much the case that pregnant teens didn't want their child but it was presented to them this is the way it is, this is what ya gotta do,... you'll forget soon about your baby and can one day have another one- no bueno for anyone involved primarily the child but also very much for the teen mother. But of course a score for the adoption workers and adoptive parents eagerly seeking to get a baby asap
As the case was for adoptions back then from teen mothers, it was a predatory industry.. rather than as some other posters suggested that there should have been (and still should) aggressively sought after alternatives explored and then adoption as a last resort. So not so much the case that pregnant teens didn't want their child but it was presented to them this is the way it is, this is what ya gotta do,... you'll forget soon about your baby and can one day have another one- no bueno for anyone involved primarily the child but also very much for the teen mother. But of course a score for the adoption workers and adoptive parents eagerly seeking to get a baby asap
I've heard about the awful things that happened just decades ago - like 'The Magdalene Sisters" where girls were forced to give up illegitimate children. Thank goodness that doesn't still happen today but you are right many girls may feel pressured to give up their babies and there should be strong regulation against that.
However by the same token you have to realise many young girls don't want to be mothers like I mentioned in my post before. In that case someone else needs to take care of the child. A mother who doesn't take care of you is terrible for a child. You don't know which type your mother was...
I've heard about the awful things that happened just decades ago - like 'The Magdalene Sisters" where girls were forced to give up illegitimate children....
This does still happen all over the world. And by the way, the last of those Irish laundries didn't even close down until around 1990. Even today, people have their children stolen from them and trafficked into the international adoption industry. So that people in first world countries can have access to more adoptable children. The system is still rife with corruption and abuses. Many people today, who have adopted a child from an orphanage in another country, have no idea how that child came to be there. They may have been told the child was simply abandoned at the orphanage by the parents, but that could be a lie. Many people steal children and sell them to orphanages. People who adopt these children often want to be seen as saviors, rescuers, but the sad fact is, they could be part of the problem of international child trafficking. Again, this is why many countries have closed down their international adoption programs.
Here's another way of looking at the situation. It has become increasing difficult to adopt overseas. I know of people who have tried in recent years. Unfortunately, this doesn't seem to be creating a better situation for children...or their birth parents.
In Korea, the father's blood-line is culturally all-important. There are very few people willing to adopt a child. Orphanages are overflowing.
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