U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Adoption
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-05-2017, 07:16 PM
 
259 posts, read 159,575 times
Reputation: 339

Advertisements

American Adoptions in Overland Park, KS has changed it Open Adoption requirements and made it retro-active to all it's existing contracts. Not all their clients are happy about them modifying without all parties agreeing to the modification.

Here is the modification:

Quote:

Why Our Agency Has Certain Open Adoption Requirements

American Adoptions is proud to have a history of encouraging open adoptions between birth parents and adoptive parents since we started as an agency. Like many other professionals, we recognize the immense benefits that open communication brings to not only birth mothers but also adoptees and adoptive parents.

Over the years, we've seen many open adoptions progress with success and create relationships that are treasured by all involved. But, as our agency has grown and changed, so has the adoption process itself - specifically, what prospective birth mothers are looking for in an open adoption relationship.

As one would expect, prospective birth mothers are immensely interested in staying a part of their child's life after they're adopted. For many of these women, it's this guarantee that gives them the confidence to choose adoption. In most cases, prospective birth mothers want more direct contact than just mediated contact through an agency; understandably, they want a direct link to the people they place their child with.

To help create more successful open adoption relationships for all members of the adoption triad, American Adoptions has set newer standards for adoptive parents who wish to adopt through our program. These requirements are another example of our commitment to an open adoption process that's best for all involved.

Here's what you should know about our open adoption requirements:

- Direct communication with email and phone contact: Prospective adoptive parents must be comfortable with direct contact with a prospective birth mother, both before and after the adoption process is complete. Whether or not a prospective birth mother will desire frequent contact will be up to her, but it is reassuring for both adoptive and birth parents to have a way to communicate quickly and directly if needed. Many birth parents and adoptive parents end up developing a strong relationship with this method of communication, as texts and emails are a more convenient and undemanding way to easily stay in touch.

- Post-placement visit within the first five years of the child's life: Having an in-person meeting within the first five years after an adoption is a way to answer many questions that a birth mother and adoptive parents may have for each other post-adoption - and reassure everyone that the adoption is going well. If a birth mother requests this post-placement meeting (and not all will), it will be a great opportunity for her to find reassurance that she made the right choice with adoption. In-person meetings also help foster a relationship between adoptive parents and birth parents, creating a more positive open adoption experience overall. Some open adoption triads will feel comfortable and happy with more frequent visits, but that depends on the individuals involved.

- Openness to sharing last names: While American Adoptions will never share your identifying information without your permission, adoptive families should recognize that the idea of staying anonymous in adoption is an outdated idea. With the advance of the internet and social media, curious birth parents can find and learn more about adoptive parents than ever before. The intimate process of adoption also makes it difficult to guarantee that last names will not be released in hospital or court documents. Hopeful parents considering adoption should recognize that their last names may be shared - but it's in no way a negative thing. In fact, keeping identifying information secret is counterproductive to a positive adoption relationship; how can a prospective birth mother trust adoptive parents to stay in touch if they don't want her to know who they are?

It's important to remember that these requirements are beneficial for all involved - not just because of the desires of the prospective birth mother. A more open adoption relationship allows for adoptees to know more about their birth parents' history, for adoptive parents to more easily incorporate their child's culture and history into their lives and for a birth parent to know that their child is growing up happy and healthy.

But, because many prospective birth mothers do request a more open adoption arrangement, requiring our prospective adoptive families to be open to these communication preferences makes it more likely that you will be matched with a prospective birth mother more quickly and more successfully. Remember: What your actual open adoption relationship will look like can vary, as different women desire different adoption contact preferences. These requirements, however, are a great place to start.

If you ever have any questions about our open adoption requirements, please feel free to contact our adoption specialists at 1-800-ADOPTION to learn more. We're happy to explain exactly how our open adoption requirements are designed to make the open adoption process more beneficial for all involved.
Not sure I would be excited about sharing my personal information. I also think it's a bit of an assumption that everyone has email and text capability. Finality, it's clear that these open adoption are NOT voluntary. That will clearly provide a legal way to invalidate them.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-05-2017, 09:06 PM
 
Location: Howard County, Maryland
5,655 posts, read 3,642,101 times
Reputation: 16578
I didn't see anything in the quoted excerpt about making these changes retroactive. If they tried that on me, post-adoption, I'd tell them to stick it where the sun doesn't shine.


The way they've worded it, it's sounding like adoption is equivalent to joint custody, with both parties having equal rights to the child. There is NO WAY that I would be willing to be chained down to being a "co-parent" with the birth parents. No way at all. There are reasons why I adopted internationally, and the pendulum swinging towards open adoption is one of them.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-06-2017, 05:53 AM
 
259 posts, read 159,575 times
Reputation: 339
Quote:
Originally Posted by bus man View Post
I didn't see anything in the quoted excerpt about making these changes retroactive. If they tried that on me, post-adoption, I'd tell them to stick it where the sun doesn't shine.


The way they've worded it, it's sounding like adoption is equivalent to joint custody, with both parties having equal rights to the child. There is NO WAY that I would be willing to be chained down to being a "co-parent" with the birth parents. No way at all. There are reasons why I adopted internationally, and the pendulum swinging towards open adoption is one of them.
All I will say is we have a client who is upset about the recent contract change. Their contract is clearly prior to this announcement. They objected to this change in their contract and the agency has told this couple to leave their agency if they don't like it. And all their fees are non-refundable. I would also add that in this couple's state of residence all open adoption agreements are complete non-enforceable and carry no legal weight. Clearly, this is a new marketing campaign to booster the number of adoption situations. It would appear that this agency now has a growing number of couples they are not able to match. Remind anyone of a recently bankrupt agency in California?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-06-2017, 08:06 AM
 
1,409 posts, read 807,445 times
Reputation: 2336
I find it refreshing and encouraging that this agency understands the important role of the first parents in the adoptees life. For some adoptive parents those who are humble and have researched enough and have the emotional intelligence and sensitivity who understand their adopted child came from a set of parents that came before them-- my brother and his girlfriend had discussed adoption and were very much excited and in agreement that they would go into it with the understanding and respect for the bond their future child would come with- a bond to their first parents and so they were willing to put aside any pride or need for control and were in total agreement that if and were they to adopt they would want to have an open adoption for the best interest of their child. Sort of like how divorced parents can either take the high road and show respect and understanding their child has a need for the other parent or they can give in to their pride and try to in subtle ways discourage a close relationship with the other parent--- I realize the difference in the situations however** it's the principle of understanding a child's best interest over a parents need for pride, control , insecurity to be the only one the child cares about etc
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-06-2017, 08:13 AM
 
1,409 posts, read 807,445 times
Reputation: 2336
Quote:
Originally Posted by bus man View Post
I didn't see anything in the quoted excerpt about making these changes retroactive. If they tried that on me, post-adoption, I'd tell them to stick it where the sun doesn't shine.


The way they've worded it, it's sounding like adoption is equivalent to joint custody, with both parties having equal rights to the child. There is NO WAY that I would be willing to be chained down to being a "co-parent" with the birth parents. No way at all. There are reasons why I adopted internationally, and the pendulum swinging towards open adoption is one of them.
I don't see what's described as "coparenting"--- it is a depiction of the notion of the biological parent and their child having a limited opportunity to spend a bit of time together and for the biological parent to have periodic updates on how their child they placed is doing. Clearly this causes you to feel offended and anxious. These feelings wherever they come from are not in the best interest of an adoptee, this coming from an adoptee btw
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-06-2017, 12:29 PM
 
837 posts, read 301,120 times
Reputation: 1084
Quote:
Originally Posted by xy340 View Post
All I will say is we have a client who is upset about the recent contract change. Their contract is clearly prior to this announcement. They objected to this change in their contract and the agency has told this couple to leave their agency if they don't like it. And all their fees are non-refundable. I would also add that in this couple's state of residence all open adoption agreements are complete non-enforceable and carry no legal weight. Clearly, this is a new marketing campaign to booster the number of adoption situations. It would appear that this agency now has a growing number of couples they are not able to match. Remind anyone of a recently bankrupt agency in California?


Both that agency in California and this one, have less product these days. They are businesses. Open adoptions have been targeted to mothers and many now know, they were lied to, so it seems in order to stay afloat, that this agency needs to advise potential adopters of their obligations. It is welcoming, refreshing and sensitive to human needs. Still, open-adoptions are not enforceable (so any mother needs her attorney to draw up a contract but of course that costs money, and she'd probably be keeping her infant if she had money in the first place). In the scheme of things, the objecting couple's non-refundable fees are not relevant because a family life of arrogance and insecurity is not healthy for a child, and they are demonstrating themselves to be insecure, already.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-06-2017, 06:45 PM
 
259 posts, read 159,575 times
Reputation: 339
Quote:
Originally Posted by Middletwin View Post
Both that agency in California and this one, have less product these days. They are businesses. Open adoptions have been targeted to mothers and many now know, they were lied to, so it seems in order to stay afloat, that this agency needs to advise potential adopters of their obligations. It is welcoming, refreshing and sensitive to human needs. Still, open-adoptions are not enforceable (so any mother needs her attorney to draw up a contract but of course that costs money, and she'd probably be keeping her infant if she had money in the first place). In the scheme of things, the objecting couple's non-refundable fees are not relevant because a family life of arrogance and insecurity is not healthy for a child, and they are demonstrating themselves to be insecure, already.

I see this marketing campaign as being dishonest in so many ways. Adoptive couples in almost all states can swear up and down they support open adoptions. They can sign all kinds of open adoption agreements. But when they return to their home states, those statements and agreements are not worth the paper they are written on. Additionally, federal law gives open adoption no legal weight, no legal protection. Adoption agencies cannot claim some kind of federal legal protection.

And if the adoption agencies tries to get out of their adoption agreement because of a couple insecurity around open adoption does not it show an element of fraud on the part of the adoption agencies because I'm sure their in-house legal council has already advised them that signing the open adoption agreement is meaningless. I would also note that in states where they say open adoption agreements are legally enforceable, it has not prevented military couples from being deployed overseas and has not prevented from the military from denying birth families access to federal properties. And if the adoptive couples moves to a state where open adoptive agreement are not enforceable, the state where the open adoption agreement was enforceable is no longer enforceable.

In the final analysis this is all marketing to increase their dwindling market share because they are receiving a great deal of heat from their long waiting couples.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-06-2017, 06:46 PM
 
259 posts, read 159,575 times
Reputation: 339
Quote:
Originally Posted by mondayafternoons View Post
I don't see what's described as "coparenting"--- it is a depiction of the notion of the biological parent and their child having a limited opportunity to spend a bit of time together and for the biological parent to have periodic updates on how their child they placed is doing. Clearly this causes you to feel offended and anxious. These feelings wherever they come from are not in the best interest of an adoptee, this coming from an adoptee btw
So at what point would it be co-parenting? At what point would the adoptive parents just be baby-sitting for the birth family?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-06-2017, 08:58 PM
 
1,409 posts, read 807,445 times
Reputation: 2336
Quote:
Originally Posted by xy340 View Post
So at what point would it be co-parenting? At what point would the adoptive parents just be baby-sitting for the birth family?
I won't even try-- if your belief is that for the birth parent and child to have the chance to meet now means the adoptive parents are just "babysitters"
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-07-2017, 02:40 PM
 
837 posts, read 301,120 times
Reputation: 1084
Quote:
Originally Posted by bus man View Post
I didn't see anything in the quoted excerpt about making these changes retroactive. If they tried that on me, post-adoption, I'd tell them to stick it where the sun doesn't shine.


The way they've worded it, it's sounding like adoption is equivalent to joint custody, with both parties having equal rights to the child. There is NO WAY that I would be willing to be chained down to being a "co-parent" with the birth parents. No way at all. There are reasons why I adopted internationally, and the pendulum swinging towards open adoption is one of them.
Seriously? You actually think this? Bizarre.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Adoption
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top