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Old 10-17-2017, 09:04 AM
 
Location: Howard County, Maryland
5,613 posts, read 3,605,576 times
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For those of you who have adopted internationally, how do you feel about your kid's birth country? Do you have positive associations with it? Have you visited it since the adoption? Is it someplace that you have gone for vacation, or would want to?

My two kids were adopted from South Korea. I had long held a generally favorable view of that country, given that I knew that they were a prosperous, pro-American democracy with a strong Christian presence; and also given that I have always liked the Korean people that I've met here.

We had our kids escorted over, so we never actually got to see the land of their birth while we were going through the adoption process. It had been our plan to visit there for many years, and we finally got to do so this past summer. Turned out that I liked it even better than I thought I would, so much so that I would jump at the chance to go there again.

There are other sending countries that I have a less-favorable view of (and no, I'm not going to name them), and in a few cases this even factored into eliminating those countries' adoption programs from consideration. But I'm very happy about the place where my kids were born.
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Old 10-20-2017, 08:26 AM
 
1,409 posts, read 801,862 times
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That's good you approve of the country and culture, it wouldn't work well for someone with that way of thinking about people if you had adopted from a country / culture that doesn't have your stamp of approval because then it might be more challenging to mold them into a mini me... ya know what I mean? Moderator cut: deleted And a plus that you approve of some Korean people you met here.. I'm not sure what will happen if you ever meet a Korean person Moderator cut: deleted that you don't like, since not all Koreans are good people, same as any ethnic group

Last edited by june 7th; 10-20-2017 at 10:17 AM.. Reason: Could be insulting to those who have adopted from countries mentioned, or who don't care about religious orientation.
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Old 10-20-2017, 10:25 AM
 
Location: Howard County, Maryland
5,613 posts, read 3,605,576 times
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^^

You left off the thingee. But don't worry, it came through loud and clear anyway.
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Old 10-20-2017, 10:55 AM
 
6,374 posts, read 2,285,056 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mondayafternoons View Post
That's good you approve of the country and culture, it wouldn't work well for someone with that way of thinking about people if you had adopted from a country / culture that doesn't have your stamp of approval because then it might be more challenging to mold them into a mini me... ya know what I mean? Moderator cut: deleted And a plus that you approve of some Korean people you met here.. I'm not sure what will happen if you ever meet a Korean person Moderator cut: deleted that you don't like, since not all Koreans are good people, same as any ethnic group

Well that just overflowed with bitterness.


OP, I get where you're coming from. If you have a positive impression of the birthplace of your children, then you can paint a positive image for your children, when they're asking questions about where they came from, etc. It's nice and happier when you can say "South Korea is a wonderful place with wonderful, gracious and charming people!" and your positive and truthful vibe will come through to your children.
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Old 10-20-2017, 07:00 PM
 
1,409 posts, read 801,862 times
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Or you can see people as human beings, that don't require your approval. There are good ,bad and in between people in any country, hopefully one would have enough insight and also respect to reflect that to ones children. Rather than a "look how wonderful this country is, because I always liked people from that place and also they're a particular religion too.
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Old 10-20-2017, 10:24 PM
 
Location: Howard County, Maryland
5,613 posts, read 3,605,576 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mondayafternoons View Post
Or you can see people as human beings, that don't require your approval. There are good ,bad and in between people in any country, hopefully one would have enough insight and also respect to reflect that to ones children. Rather than a "look how wonderful this country is, because I always liked people from that place and also they're a particular religion too.
Show me where I said anything about anyone needing my approval. What I said was that I have a favorable opinion of my children's birth country, and I listed several things that I liked about the people who live there.


Is there anything -- anything at all -- that you like or agree with or approve of, when it comes to adoption?


Meanwhile, since you're here, perhaps you'd like to answer the original question. How do you feel about your birth country? Or, if you were adopted domestically, how do you feel about your birth city or your birth state?
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Old 10-21-2017, 08:58 AM
 
1,409 posts, read 801,862 times
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I came from the city of Angels (Los Angeles) and see it as having positives and negatives like any place in answer to your question. If I was an adoptive parent I would see my adoptive child as seperate from myself, not an extension of myself, and I would have the mindset of my brother and his gf who were going to adopt before they broke up- they made it known they would talk in depth with their adopted child about their first family, and to have open lines to some degree with their first parents and would make sure to give him or her the message of honoring their first parents and to know they could always talk about them, explore the idea of how close they would want to be with them or not.

IOW, they would raise their adopted child with a) an acknowledgement and respect for the fact they came from their first family and not from a stork, and b) to make sure their adopted child understood they were totally open and understanding of any desire or need to talk about it, and explore how the landscape of contact and any relationship with them would look. I want to apologize if I've come across as harsh on my end ( you have as well on yours btw)-- I'm sure your doing what you feel is the best- however as an adoptee I'm suggesting that mindset is not in the best interest of any adoptee.

Last edited by mondayafternoons; 10-21-2017 at 09:08 AM..
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Old 10-22-2017, 06:52 AM
 
2,313 posts, read 1,177,957 times
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OP, its not useful to argue with that poster. Just read some of his/her other posts and you will get the idea.

International adoption is a very unique and special way to immerse yourself into a new culture. You are literally melding those traditions through your little one into your life. If you married a partner from another culture, you would have a similar opportunity to get to know more about where that person came from. In my experience, some kids very much want to hold onto that identity, and others get bored about teen years and don't want to do the visits anymore, but appreciate that connection when they are older.

We pursued an international adoption ultimately unsuccessfully (EAC shut down in the middle) but I had positive feelings about the country and culture.
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Old 10-22-2017, 02:42 PM
 
817 posts, read 295,379 times
Reputation: 1062
Quote:
Originally Posted by bus man View Post
For those of you who have adopted internationally, how do you feel about your kid's birth country? Do you have positive associations with it? Have you visited it since the adoption? Is it someplace that you have gone for vacation, or would want to?

My two kids were adopted from South Korea. I had long held a generally favorable view of that country, given that I knew that they were a prosperous, pro-American democracy with a strong Christian presence; and also given that I have always liked the Korean people that I've met here.

We had our kids escorted over, so we never actually got to see the land of their birth while we were going through the adoption process. It had been our plan to visit there for many years, and we finally got to do so this past summer. Turned out that I liked it even better than I thought I would, so much so that I would jump at the chance to go there again.

There are other sending countries that I have a less-favorable view of (and no, I'm not going to name them), and in a few cases this even factored into eliminating those countries' adoption programs from consideration. But I'm very happy about the place where my kids were born.
Actually, your children's first families may not be like that all, just enjoy being a parent.
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Old 10-23-2017, 01:42 AM
 
1,409 posts, read 801,862 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Middletwin View Post
Actually, your children's first families may not be like that all, just enjoy being a parent.
Pretty much my sentiments.
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