Adoption (birth mother, options, foster parents, meeting)

[nay624]

Has anyone goen through the process? how do you start, how much is it?
any info will help. I dont know where to start

Thank You

[mlv311]

The cost, requirements and waiting time will depend on whether you want to pursue a foster-adopt program through your state, adopt domestically (you can do so through an agency or independently) or adopt internationally. A good website for general information is Adoption News and Information from Adoptive Families

[NYMD67]

I am the parent of 2 beautiful adopted children-internationally.

The process,the cost ,the wait times,etc... will all depend on whether you are doing a domestic or international adoption and the agency in which you choose to do your process with.
I will tell you that it is best to research (there is so much available online now) and to attend as many information meetings,ask questions of the staff and ask for references so that you may speak to others who have used those agencies.
You must feel comfortable with who you will be dealing with and helping you form your family.
There are many options now for people to fund raise to help with some of the costs of an adoption process,if need be.

All my best to you and your family during this decision time. Adoption has helped us form the family we never thought we would have.

[cmacf1]

Like NYMD67, I'm also the parent of two wonderful internationally adopted children. The above posters have given you good advice -- it really does depend on which way you adopt.

When we were first thinking of adopting, we found several agencies locally (though, generally, you do not have to use a local agency) and we attended all kinds of meetings offered by them. They were general information meetings on domestic and international adoption (we did not look into foster/adoption probably because the agencies we contacted did not offer this.) I LOVED going to those meetings and hearing about the children who had been adopted. I'd just sit there and cry thinking this could be us, too. We looked into adoption for a good 6 months before we got sick of the fertility attempts. The informational meetings we went to convinced me that adoption would satisfy my desire to have children. Once we decided we were going to adopt and adopt internationally, we had to decide on an agency -- that's where research is absolutely vital. While most agencies are aboveboard, there is no US licensing required for adoption agencies.

To get an idea of what an adoption agency has to offer you, look at the website for the agency we used. It can be found at adoptionstogether dot org.

Best of luck to you in your adoption endeavor!! I cannot imagine having any other children than the ones we have now

[nay624]

thanx all..........

[ali&ajsmom]

I am also a proud mom of 2 beautiful adopted children and it really depends on the way you want to go. i would suggest that you set up meetings with different agencies and ask alot of questions. you really need to find an agency that both you and your DH will be happy with. We adopted domesticly and our cost was more do to the fact that we had to hire a lawery because we were going though a private agency and our children were in a foster home and the state didn't want to pick us but the birth mom, grandparents and foster parents had chosen us so in the end it was money well spent. also understand that adoption can be like an emotional roller coaster so make sure that you have a great support system. there are also alot of books out there to help you in your decision and help you with some questions to ask agencies. I really liked adoption for dummies it really did help us quite abit.

Remember adoption might be expensive but it is worth more than you could ever imagine. you will know that it is worth it the first time you see your child and hold him/her in your arms and know that this is my child and I will go to the ends of the earth for him/her. and the first time you hear them call you mommy and say I love you, is going to be one of the best moments of your life. just remember it is worth its weight in gold. Good luck and we are here if you need us.

[RescueDogsRule]

We haven't finalized our adoption yet, but I know that the tax credit is about $11,000. Since we're eligible, that means we'll get more than 50% of our expenses back. Our adoption is international, but the tax credit applies to either domestic or international adoption.

I researched domestic vs. international, chose international, then researched different country programs, then selected an agency. That order worked well for us, but I'm sure there are other strategies.

Good luck!
-RDR

[nay624]

Originally Posted by RescueDogsRule

We haven't finalized our adoption yet, but I know that the tax credit is about $11,000. Since we're eligible, that means we'll get more than 50% of our expenses back. Our adoption is international, but the tax credit applies to either domestic or international adoption.

I researched domestic vs. international, chose international, then researched different country programs, then selected an agency. That order worked well for us, but I'm sure there are other strategies.

Good luck!
-RDR

what nationality have you chosen and why???

[cmacf1]

I'm not sure if you were asking RescueDogsRule the which nationality or any of us. Here's my answer:

We chose to go to Russia for several reasons (over other countries)

1) We were too old (both over 40) for several countries including Korea, Columbia and several other South American countries

2) The Guatemala program was far more expensive at that time than Russia, though now that may not be the case

3) The wait to find out about your child in the China program was 18 months long or longer and for our first child, I didn't think I had that kind of patience.

4) Vietnam and Cambodia were closed to adoptions at that time (though Angelina Jolie was able to adopt from Cambodia during that time.)

5) We chose to adopt from a country where the child would have the possibility of looking somewhat similar to us. Not that we wouldn't have welcomed any other child into our family, but we preferred that people wouldn't automatically know, when looking at our child and looking at us, that this child was adopted. One daughter absolutely looks like us. The other has a much more exotic look than us . She is part Uzbekistani and has gorgeous, darker skin and beautiful dark brown hair.

6) I had studied Russian language in college and read Russian literature extensively. As it turned out, both of our daughters came from Tula, the town where Leo Tolstoy spent the last decades of his life.

7) The adoption process in Russia during our first adoption was fairly quick. The process had changed by the time we did our second adoption and the wait was VERY long.

Those are our reasons for choosing Russia.

A question that comes up often is why we didn't chose to adopt domestically, sometimes asked with animosity. To be honest, we wanted an infant and due to our ages, we didn't think we would be chosen by a birth mother. We were not willing, at that time, to consider an older child. Given what I know now, if we were to adopt again, we may chose to adopt an older child. The other thing we were concerned about was the number of adoptions that are overturned in this country due to a birth parent changing his/her mind. While I believe that, wherever possible, a child should be raised by his or her birth family, I did not want to fall in love with a child and then have him or her taken away. With international adoption, when those adoption documents are signed, there is no question about it. While that may sound cold hearted (seemingly, not giving the birth family the right to change their mind), in Russia at least, children have to be on a national database for at least 6 months. During this time, members of the child's biological family can come forth and claim the child. If this does not happen, then that child can be considered for adoption preferably by a Russian family and if not a Russian family, then internationally. Finally, the way my hubby and I saw it, a child in need of a family is a child in need of a family, no matter where they were born.

[NYMD67]

Originally Posted by nay624

what nationality have you chosen and why???

I am not sure if this was directed to anyone in particular either,but I will answer as well.

Both of our girls are from China. At the time that we went through both adoptions (our oldest is almost 6 and youngest almost 3-both brought home at approx 9mos old) the program for China was pretty consistent.
They had a fluent understanding of what the US required and vice-versa.
They did not change their policies in the middle of a process, and for the most part, the wait times were pretty consistent as well.
I keep saying "at the time" because right now, the China process has become a little more stringent and with many more obstacles in regards to health of the adoptive families,more in depth look at family history,etc...
The wait times have increased dramatically as well.
We waited approx 18 months for our first referral and only 9months for our second. The times have increased ,I have heard,to possibly 2 years or longer.
We were extremely comfortable with the agency we chose and they only did China adoptions. We felt secure with them because they obviously knew their process and they helped us with every little step. They were/are amazing!

The paper chase or the gathering of your "dossier" can be tiring, it is all the paperwork required to complete the adoption process.(Some countries may not require this, China does). I remember thinking sometimes "wow,they know everything about us ,our extended families,etc... here we are in our late 30's at the time and there were 15 year olds having kids that shouldn't be!" but it is something that has to be done... we got through it as does everyone else who goes through an adoption.

We also get asked frequently about why we didn't adopt domestically. I will tell you honestly, it is because the hurdles that one must go through to get a child in the United States is challenging. In addition, the emotional impact of possibly having to "give up" a child that we love because their birth parent or one of the birth parents changed their mind was something we weren't willing to do.

There are many challenges with adoption in general and we must understand as parents of an adopted child that we need to let them understand who they are,where they came from and we need to let them grieve their loss,because they have lost a part of them and not by their choice.
Our daughters are still to young to understand the full idea of how or why they became our family, but in due time, they will begin to understand and we must step back and let them understand.
We will do our best to honor our daughter's birth country and we will let them know that we will be forever grateful to their birth parents.
I can't imagine being forced into making the decisions some of these people have to make.

As I have said on another thread. Adoption should not be looked upon as a noble act and as a parent, we should be adopting because we want to parent, not to be a saving light in a child's unfortunate circumstance.

Do your research and decide what will be best for you and your family, domestic or international, they come with their own set of challenges. The rewards are well worth it all in the end though