Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Adoption
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-09-2020, 10:34 AM
 
2,063 posts, read 1,862,022 times
Reputation: 3543

Advertisements

We were in our mid-twenties and were recommended by physicians to apply for adoption if we wanted children. We did, and loved our 3 mo old baby, who had been relinquished for adoption by a woman in her thirties, in Asia. There were some normal quirks of childhood, and sometimes things came up for her that we discussed,and we cried together. I'm glad that she felt that she could talk to me if she was upset. To this day, we have a great rapport.


She is now a grown woman, happy, sociable, has a great job, husband and a child.
I had knowledge of potential setbacks in adoption, due to my field of work and a lot of studying of the subject. We didn't see any major problems, but keeping one's eyes open does help.

Being empathetic, observant, and talking with your children also helps, whether they are adopted or not.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-11-2020, 07:16 AM
 
322 posts, read 316,960 times
Reputation: 443
Quote:
Originally Posted by Middletwin View Post
Adoption is for children needing homes. It has only been recent history that the definition has changed, directly tied to adoption agencies - so why join them with their flawed mantra and then provide irrelevant statistics?? Realize too, that whenever someone says they're "waiting", it means they want to gain from another family's loss. Even if it's in the child's best interest, prospective adopters shouldn't reflect themselves like opportunists with human lives. Also, "waiting" is bogus, since so many children need fostering. Best to accept the truth of adoption: it's for children needing homes. Then it'll be easier to nope out from the flawed mantra of adoption agencies.
Again, I would have to disagree.

Adoption has been a solution for couples that cannot have children. It's not the only solution, but historically it has been the solution for couples that desire children. Today is the numbers of childless couples seeking adoption is problematic. Adoption consultants I've spoke with state their are at least 1.5 million home-study ready couples seeking to adopt a child. Last year there were only 14,000 unrelated adoptions. The numbers don't lie and there is no possible way for that many couples to be successful with adoption. Even if the number are wrong, there are still to many couples chasing infant available for adoption.

I also think your argument, shaming childless couples into living childfree instead of pursuing adoption, is flawed. All the couples I know what children. It does not matter if they are fertile or not, all couples want children. Until the fertility problem is resolved, I don't there will always be unethical agencies, attorneys, and social worker preying on childless couples.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-12-2020, 06:37 AM
 
1,065 posts, read 597,121 times
Reputation: 1462
Providing homes and families for children is what adoption is for, not providing grown adults with children.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-12-2020, 11:21 AM
 
322 posts, read 316,960 times
Reputation: 443
Quote:
Originally Posted by Middletwin View Post
Providing homes and families for children is what adoption is for, not providing grown adults with children.
Adults decide which children they will adopt. Repeating that same approach which has already been determined as unworkable hoping for a different outcome is flawed.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-12-2020, 07:00 PM
 
269 posts, read 480,577 times
Reputation: 719
Quote:
Originally Posted by Middletwin View Post
Providing homes and families for children is what adoption is for, not providing grown adults with children.
You can repeat this line till the cows come home, but it doesn't make it so.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-16-2020, 09:55 AM
 
1,065 posts, read 597,121 times
Reputation: 1462
Ethical and child centered adoption should be the focus here, and anyone who fails this (usually just one poster), should be gently reminded.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-16-2020, 12:39 PM
 
Location: Free From The Oppressive State
30,251 posts, read 23,723,072 times
Reputation: 38627
As one who was adopted, I have to say that this thread is despicable. It is beyond repulsive that some people on here want to act like they know how the majority of adopted kids will turn out.

Because I was severely abused, of course I had some issues - not because of "genetics", I'm not some "genetic mistake" as some are insinuating adopted kids are, (the things I would say to your face that I can't say on here....whoo...you have no idea), but because of what the biological parents DID.

My adopted parents gave me structure. I had rules to follow. They were strict parents, but I didn't turn out with any drug addiction, or drinking problem, or one who makes crappy decisions - we all make stupid decisions here and there, but to suggest that adopted kids are going to turn out to be bad seeds, turn out to be substance abusers, turn out to be problematic their entire lives simply because of genetics....you're wrong. You're disgustingly wrong.

You want your adopted child to be educated? Then stay on their butts while they're in school.. You want your adopted child to know how to make good decisions later in life? Then teach them while they're young - give them choices, and allow the consequences happen so that they learn, while they are young. You want your adopted child to be successful? Then lead by example, and steer them towards success...Just like you would your biological kid.

It's not any different than raising your own kid. Stop trying to make it harder for those kids who need homes by labeling them as problems. I was 4 1/2 years old when I was adopted. According to some of you, anything genetic took over from there - that is patently false. It's a flat out lie. NURTURE can, and often does, win out big over Nature.

If someone was going to be a psychopathic mess, it wouldn't matter if they were adopted or biological, they were going to be a mess. And considering some of the mindsets here, I wouldn't even begin to suggest that some have superior genes as they pretend that they do.

Last edited by Three Wolves In Snow; 05-16-2020 at 12:48 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-17-2020, 07:28 AM
 
322 posts, read 316,960 times
Reputation: 443
Quote:
Originally Posted by Middletwin View Post
Ethical and child centered adoption should be the focus here, and anyone who fails this (usually just one poster), should be gently reminded.
It is not ethical or child centered to ignore al the interests of the adults trying to adopt a child. That approach is not viable. Adoption is about creating families not some political agenda. I hope this gentle reminder helps.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-17-2020, 09:52 AM
 
1,065 posts, read 597,121 times
Reputation: 1462
In regards to the original post- targeting a demographic then profiling them under the auspice of creating a family: that's just a marketing ploy. There are ripple effects - Children don't get fostered; sidesteps the original purpose of adoption; potentially ignores the needs of a child under the auspice of creating a "perfect" family; and there's the subliminal message as well "we couldn't have one of our own", although that is contingent upon the love and stability to offset such a remark. We're talking about humans here - people who grow up to be tax paying citizens separate but not equal because they're unable to get their birth certificates like most everyone else. It starts with considering children, human and not as things for adults. Those are just a few of the ripple effects.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-18-2020, 08:20 AM
 
322 posts, read 316,960 times
Reputation: 443
Quote:
Originally Posted by Middletwin View Post
In regards to the original post- targeting a demographic then profiling them under the auspice of creating a family: that's just a marketing ploy. There are ripple effects - Children don't get fostered; sidesteps the original purpose of adoption; potentially ignores the needs of a child under the auspice of creating a "perfect" family; and there's the subliminal message as well "we couldn't have one of our own", although that is contingent upon the love and stability to offset such a remark. We're talking about humans here - people who grow up to be tax paying citizens separate but not equal because they're unable to get their birth certificates like most everyone else. It starts with considering children, human and not as things for adults. Those are just a few of the ripple effects.
Lets review your comments.

You are correct there is a demographic that is attempting to adopt infants. This demographic is infertile couples. They cannot have biological children and are seeking to grow their family via other means. This demographic consists of all age groups, all races, and all nationalities. The only thing they have in common is that they cannot have children biologically.

The adoption industry has a big problem with fraud. Something that you tolerate if not support as it advances your political agenda. That includes all three types of adoption in the US: Domestic, International, and foster. Domestic has been the historical approach to infant adoption. According to the adoption experts, it is best to adopt these children at birth to provide a loving consistent environment to grow up in. I'm sure you disagree. Due to multiple factors, domestic infant adoption is in a steep decline. Infertility is on a steep increase, creating an environment where fraud is rampant. Your comments are ugly to couples trying to deal with their infertility: "perfect family", "couldn't have one on our own."
Isn't that beating on couples that have already been traumatised with their own infertility. Your position on foster care isn't any better; Reunifications are all costs. How is that in the children best interest? How is continue neglect in the child's best interest? Lastly, we have international adoption. The US State Department did not want international adoption to happen during the Korean War, and sure does not want it continue now. Are you so native to believe that the Hague Treaty was to prevent infants from being kidnapped from their parents?

Children need parents in a stable home environment where they can be educated and protected from the ugler elements of our society. Adoptive parents are tested and vetted to ensure that they can meet the needs of the child. Tell me what biological parent's qualifications are, especially the biological parents that have already sold their children into prostitution, refused to feed them, and beat them for failing to please their customers.

Lastly, because of your attitude and other adoption professionals, you are creating a demographic that will not support their government/governmental officials anymore. They feel that that followed the rules and were defraud/rejected by their government. They refuse to vote for more taxes, new governmental projects, and constantly view their public officials as corrupt. I wonder if that is due to their experience with professionals while trying to pick themselves up from being told their infertile and it is perfectly legal to be defrauded by all these wonderful people with political agendas. As you state, "It starts with considering children, human and not as things for adults." How does adoption work when you remove all the adults? Who is going to provide for these children?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Adoption

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top