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Thread summary:

Adopt a child: adopting children, foster parents, single parent, considering adoption, parenthood.

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Old 02-13-2009, 02:38 PM
 
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What are everyone's thoughts on adoption? I'm considering adoption but I have mixed feelings..I know it's a wonderful experience but I can imagine it's very difficult.


Just curious what you think some pros and cons are….
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Old 02-13-2009, 02:59 PM
 
Location: Rocket City, U.S.A.
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Adoption is very difficult - in many ways - but just as rewarding.

What specifically has you concerned? (it's OK to be honest...if you don't feel comfortable here, there are several adoption sites that can help you sort your mind through a variety of discussions.)

I think that those who have adopted will answer your questions (I will - fire away), but if you have truly personal issues, a private site might be better for openly expressing yourself. Opinions can get kinda...testy...around here.

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Old 02-13-2009, 03:13 PM
 
3,191 posts, read 8,224,679 times
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I'm adopted...go for it!
You will hear some say that you don't know what you are getting with an adopted child.
Doesn't matter whether a child is 'bone of your bone, flesh of your flesh', parenting is a challenge. There are no absolute guarantees a 'natural' child is any less 'trouble' than an adopted one.
Please consider an older child or even a sibling group if possible. It tears me up to see so many wanting a forever home.
Good luck to you.
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Old 02-13-2009, 03:23 PM
 
Location: Niles, Michigan
1,692 posts, read 3,187,927 times
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As a former Foster parent of 45 kids and adopted 3 of those it can be a great experience. I have seen children placed perhaps not in the right place because sometimes the system just wants them adopted. This happend mostly in the Foster care / Adopted. That is where we adopted children from. We have 4 bio kids. Our adopted kids came to us as infants and they are 6,6,and 2. We were going to adopt two older girls that we had several years. They both had issues that after thinking about it , we back out. I would say educate yourself. Kids can have issues even babies. WE have three drug exposed kids. Many children need homes and if you feel you can give one of those children a forever family look into it. But know what the issues on the child is. Know what you can deal with and if you really feel that it will not work out think with your head not your heart. A child in a family not waited is worse than a child who never was adopted.
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Old 02-13-2009, 05:03 PM
 
2,024 posts, read 3,768,624 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyma View Post
I'm adopted...go for it!
You will hear some say that you don't know what you are getting with an adopted child.
Doesn't matter whether a child is 'bone of your bone, flesh of your flesh', parenting is a challenge. There are no absolute guarantees a 'natural' child is any less 'trouble' than an adopted one.
Please consider an older child or even a sibling group if possible. It tears me up to see so many wanting a forever home.
Good luck to you.
To crazyma, what are your thoughts on adoption as an adoptee? One board I've been to, in particular, was mainly used by adoptees to post and they pretty much lambasted every person considering adoption saying things like, "Take the money you'd use on the adoption and give it to a mom considering giving her baby up for adoption so she'll keep the baby" and "Stop buying babies and coercing birth mothers to give their children up for adoption." After reading that, it's hard to remember that not all adoptees might feel differently than that group who seem so angry. One thread I noticed in particular is that many of them seemed to be around their thirties or older and, as far as I can tell, came from the generation of adoptees who weren't told of their adoption by their adoptive parents until they were older or until they found out accidentally.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsMom911 View Post
What are everyone's thoughts on adoption? I'm considering adoption but I have mixed feelings..I know it's a wonderful experience but I can imagine it's very difficult.

Just curious what you think some pros and cons are….
To the OP, research, research, research. Do you know what kind of adoption you're considering right now? Public vs. private? Domestic vs. international? Transracial? Will you be a single parent? Those are many questions to consider. If you don't want to answer those questions on this board, you can direct message me and I can give you a lot of links to tons of blogs that adoptive parents write about their experiences adopting. Specifically, I can give you a list of bloggers who adopted from China, or a list of bloggers who adopted as a single parent, or a list of bloggers who adopted domestically, etc. In terms of your original question, you might have to be more specific because I know that quite a lot of people could basically write novels on their thoughts about adoption. Are you curious about some specific aspects of adoption that you'd like to hear about in depth?
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Old 02-13-2009, 11:07 PM
 
3,191 posts, read 8,224,679 times
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MrsMom, hope you don't mind if I answer tango here?

tango- there are some VERY angry adoptees out there and it really saddens me. They are hurting the image of adoption and possibly destroying some young childs chance at a future. Just because the subject of adoption was once considered taboo, is not reason to not move beyond the stigma that used to be more fiercely associated with it. Their perceived hurt does not need to extend to future generations.
Again , one must remember that as there is no guartantee how a natural or adopted child is going to 'turn out' , there is no guarantee the either the natural or adoptive parent is going to do a 'good job'.

I was one of 6 children, born between 1947 and 1970, same mother, obviousy LOL, and although our mother was legally married, there may have been 2 or 3 other birth fathers. Suffice to say that none of us were raised together as a family, by one or the other birth parent. 2 were with various other family members, 2 were 'fostered' out together , and 2 of us were adopted.(one at 5 yrs. and myself at 6 days)
And I can quite simply tell you that no amount of money would have allowed our mother to raise us, in any way, shape or form. It is a very interesting story and I should wirte a book.

These people crying give the birth mother money are delusional to say the least IMHO.

Another thing I think is very important is that the adoptive child is told of his adoption from the very beginning. As the child grows, the story can unfold and the parents can decide the information to share with the child based on need and maturity, AS BEST the adoptive parents are able. The MAIN thing is to let the child know they are adopted!! My parents made me feel lke the most special person on the face of this earth because they CHOSE me!! Can you imagine being an adult and finding out you were adopted??!! what a way to possibly shatter the bond and trust of the family.


I am not absolutely certain where I stand on open adoptions, but I do believe that adoptees should be given the opportunity by 18/21 to have access to birth and adoption records, but that is another intersting avenue to explore...

I will admit I did not learn the WHOLE story until 1997, when through a series of opportune events I reuntied with my birth siblings. I had some anger towards my parents for not telling me these additional details, but after deep soul searching was able to let it go and respect their decision and reasons for not doing so. My mama had died that same year and never got to see my total joy at connecting with my birth siblings, even with all the good, bad and ugly connected to the story. And God bless my Daddy, he has met and embraced my siblings, and geniunely cares for them, as they are an extension of 'his' little girl.

Sorry I did not mean to write on and on. Can you tell I am passionate about adoption??? I am so blessed that my birth mother gave me life. And even more blessed that I was fortunate to have wonderful parents that were willing to open their hearts to a child that needed them.

MrsMom, as tango said, research the heck out of it. Adoption is not for everyone, and not everyone is for adoption. Just as actually conceiving and giving birth shouldn't be taken lightly IMO, neither should adoption.

What are you thinking of doing? Any ideas yet?
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Old 02-14-2009, 08:20 AM
 
496 posts, read 1,545,312 times
Reputation: 313
Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyma View Post
MrsMom, hope you don't mind if I answer tango here?

tango- there are some VERY angry adoptees out there and it really saddens me. They are hurting the image of adoption and possibly destroying some young childs chance at a future. Just because the subject of adoption was once considered taboo, is not reason to not move beyond the stigma that used to be more fiercely associated with it. Their perceived hurt does not need to extend to future generations.
Again , one must remember that as there is no guartantee how a natural or adopted child is going to 'turn out' , there is no guarantee the either the natural or adoptive parent is going to do a 'good job'.

I was one of 6 children, born between 1947 and 1970, same mother, obviousy LOL, and although our mother was legally married, there may have been 2 or 3 other birth fathers. Suffice to say that none of us were raised together as a family, by one or the other birth parent. 2 were with various other family members, 2 were 'fostered' out together , and 2 of us were adopted.(one at 5 yrs. and myself at 6 days)
And I can quite simply tell you that no amount of money would have allowed our mother to raise us, in any way, shape or form. It is a very interesting story and I should wirte a book.

These people crying give the birth mother money are delusional to say the least IMHO.

Another thing I think is very important is that the adoptive child is told of his adoption from the very beginning. As the child grows, the story can unfold and the parents can decide the information to share with the child based on need and maturity, AS BEST the adoptive parents are able. The MAIN thing is to let the child know they are adopted!! My parents made me feel lke the most special person on the face of this earth because they CHOSE me!! Can you imagine being an adult and finding out you were adopted??!! what a way to possibly shatter the bond and trust of the family.


I am not absolutely certain where I stand on open adoptions, but I do believe that adoptees should be given the opportunity by 18/21 to have access to birth and adoption records, but that is another intersting avenue to explore...

I will admit I did not learn the WHOLE story until 1997, when through a series of opportune events I reuntied with my birth siblings. I had some anger towards my parents for not telling me these additional details, but after deep soul searching was able to let it go and respect their decision and reasons for not doing so. My mama had died that same year and never got to see my total joy at connecting with my birth siblings, even with all the good, bad and ugly connected to the story. And God bless my Daddy, he has met and embraced my siblings, and geniunely cares for them, as they are an extension of 'his' little girl.

Sorry I did not mean to write on and on. Can you tell I am passionate about adoption??? I am so blessed that my birth mother gave me life. And even more blessed that I was fortunate to have wonderful parents that were willing to open their hearts to a child that needed them.

MrsMom, as tango said, research the heck out of it. Adoption is not for everyone, and not everyone is for adoption. Just as actually conceiving and giving birth shouldn't be taken lightly IMO, neither should adoption.

What are you thinking of doing? Any ideas yet?
I was wondering what is your take on adopting older children? I feel that God has placed on my heart to adopt an older child between elementary school and high school. What should I expect? Any advice on adopting older children would be great! What is the best thing I can do as an adoptive mother of an older child? How can I help them adjust?
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Old 02-15-2009, 12:13 AM
 
Location: Utah
1,455 posts, read 3,575,688 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsMom911 View Post
What are everyone's thoughts on adoption? I'm considering adoption but I have mixed feelings..I know it's a wonderful experience but I can imagine it's very difficult.


Just curious what you think some pros and cons are….
(disclaimer: I haven't adopted, YET, so what do I really know???)

I really don't understand when people say adoption is "difficult"...do you mean the process, or do you mean taking a child and making them yours?

I honestly don't mean it disrespectfully, BTW.

When you become a family through biology, you don't know what you are going to get. How is adoption any different? Ex: a good friend of our has 4 kids. Three of them are "normal", but one is just "a handfull"...he is really somehting else, and to call him "difficult" is kind. When adopting, we have no idea or control of not getting a child like this! But they did, they got him, and he came to them biologically.

My opinion...there are 6 and a half BILLION people on this earth. There are 10s of millions of children growing up without a family.
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Old 02-15-2009, 12:29 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,227 posts, read 22,540,496 times
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Adoption.....awwww....parenthood!
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Old 02-15-2009, 12:43 AM
 
Location: Texas
8,668 posts, read 20,283,664 times
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Smile Adoption?

We adopted our son as an infant. Most wonderful thing that ever happened to us! I cannot imagine loving a child anymore than we loved him! He was truly a gift from God.
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