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Old 05-03-2012, 10:58 AM
 
Location: Ontario, NY
2,710 posts, read 6,220,497 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jco View Post
My husband and I have, and have for years, a heart to adopt a child in the future. We're not by any means wealthy, and don't know that we would ever be able to pay 10-30k on an adoption. Does anyone know of a less expensive way of adopting?
Me and my wife have been foster parents for the last three years, trying to adopt a white baby girl. After getting the house licensed, and attending foster parent eduction classes, we didn't hear anything for months. Occasionally DYFS would call up and say they have an older child/children they needed to place, but it wasn't the right situation for us. About 9 months ago, they called and said they had a white baby boy about 6 months old with a broken femur, we talked it over and called back to tell them we wanted the baby, but they had already placed the child. DYFS plays hot potato with the children, they call up one foster family after another until someone says yes they will take the child. The DYFS workers can't go home for the day until they find a home to place the child in. We pretty much given up, I took some photos of the baby furniture, mattress and crib set to sell on craigslist.

About 2 months ago DYFS called and said they had a newborn white baby girl did you want her. I told my wife to just say yes, before they could offer the baby to someone else. We picked her up from the hospital that day, after rushing around buying diapers and baby formula. The future is by no means certain as to weather we will be able to keep the child or the birth mother will get her baby back, but for now our new baby girl is making up very happy parents.

This is the most affordable way to adopt children. DYFS pays for all of the child's medical care, they pay you to take care of the child and if the child becomes adoptable, they pay the legal fees involved to complete the adoption. Unfortunately, there is no guarantee you will be able to keep the child long enough to adopt, you could have the child for over a year only to have them taken away in the end.

 
Old 05-03-2012, 01:28 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,484 posts, read 43,763,062 times
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^^^^^^^^
which is exactly why we FOUND the money to adopt internationally. No way could i love a child in my home and then give it back. Peace of mind has no monetary value.
 
Old 05-09-2012, 02:06 AM
 
16,482 posts, read 21,083,076 times
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We adopted our daughter over 9 years ago at birth. It was a private adoption and did not cost us much money. Something we did was made up a profile of our family, telling about ourselves, why we were wanting to adopt and including photos of ourselves, our sons, our dog, our house, and pictures of us during vacations. We made color copies of this and sent these out to alternative high schools, our OB/GYN, and pregnancy crisis centers. We also got a cheap program to make our own business cards and made them up and gave them to friends and family to give to anyone that might be interested, and I left them in bathroom stalls, at phone booths, and on advertising boards in grocery stores etc. I would make trips and drive a couple of hours in one direction and put the cards up everyplace I could. A few weeks later I would head in another direction and do the same thing. If you find a birthmother yourself it will be far less expensive generally.
 
Old 05-09-2012, 11:47 AM
 
Location: Ontario, NY
2,710 posts, read 6,220,497 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brokencrayola View Post
It was a private adoption and did not cost us much money.
I would be very interested to know what you mean by "Not Much Money" it my understanding the bulk of the cost of adoption is related to paying the lawyer to push the paperwork through the courts. Maybe I'm incorrectly informed.
 
Old 05-09-2012, 06:51 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,668 posts, read 23,241,522 times
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It is very easy for people who had children easily to tell others "to just adopt" or "to be a foster parent because there are so many kids that heed you" or to judge people who do not happen to have $10,000 on hand in one lump sum.

I wonder how many people would have biological children if they had to pay the obstetrician and the hospital before hand? Or how many people would pass all of these requirements and the home study?

My son was biological and I had difficulty becoming pregnant with him. It took a year.

We tried again right away, but also began the adoption process. The difference was night and day!

With my son, we were showered with gifts! People were helpful and supportive. And most of the associated bills were covered by medical insurance.

My "paper pregnancy" was a lonely and anxious journey. People even questioned us asking why we wanted to spend so much money on an "unknown quantity" and why we weren't happy with our beautiful baby boy? There was no baby shower and support of any sort was non existent.

Fostering is not parenting in a permanent way.. The child can leave at any time and prospective parents are trained not to be emotionally involved. That's almost an inhuman task! I am glad that some people are able to do it, and do it well, but I'd find it heart wrenching.

Also, many children who are in foster care have some serious problems, that in good conscience, would be difficult to introduce to a family - especially if you already have a child.
 
Old 05-12-2012, 08:27 PM
 
16,482 posts, read 21,083,076 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TechGromit View Post
I would be very interested to know what you mean by "Not Much Money" it my understanding the bulk of the cost of adoption is related to paying the lawyer to push the paperwork through the courts. Maybe I'm incorrectly informed.
Our adoption with my daughter was less than $5,000, that includes homestudy, legal costs, travel costs etc.
 
Old 05-21-2012, 07:16 PM
 
Location: Ontario, NY
2,710 posts, read 6,220,497 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
Fostering is not parenting in a permanent way.. The child can leave at any time and prospective parents are trained not to be emotionally involved. That's almost an inhuman task! I am glad that some people are able to do it, and do it well, but I'd find it heart wrenching.
I'm a foster parent and I do not recall any training not to be emotionally involved. I am aware that Unification is primary goal of the state child agency and that the parents have to be pretty screwed up for that not to happen. Trust me there are no Jedi mind tricks I can use to not be emotionally involved with a foster child. Other than the once a week 2 hour visit the birth mother gets, the child for ours the other 165 hours a week. (the lost hour is 1 hour travel time to bring the baby to and from the office where the visits take place).

Believe me it's very stressful when the case worker tells us that the birth mother is doing everything asked of her and is making positive progress towards unification.
 
Old 05-23-2012, 11:17 PM
 
Location: Chicago area
1,105 posts, read 2,911,940 times
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Every agency educates differently. I don't think they tell you to not be emotionally involved but many make a strong point of not getting too attached because it's not intended to be forever. It's impossible not to be emotionally involved though and I actually don't believe it would be in the best interest of the child.

I really don't think becoming a foster parent because you are hoping to find a child to adopt is a good idea. To goal is for the child to go home with their bio parents and when the foster family's goal is for that not to happen the risk is too big that they will consciously or unconsciously work against reunification and that is not what a foster family should do. They are supposed to be a part of a team that works towards a good situation for the child with the bio parents. If the foster parents aren't actively on board with that it hurts the child. Not to mention how much the foster parents are hurt if it's decided that the child should be returned to the bio parents.
 
Old 05-24-2012, 11:39 PM
 
16,482 posts, read 21,083,076 times
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We were foster parents for 2 years while also looking for a private adoption. We also wanted a baby girl and only got one call in those two years. It was a newborn girl and we only had her 4 days. In that short period of time we bonded with this baby and were heartbroken when she left. It takes a certain kind of person to be a foster parent and we were not those type of people, so we stopped being foster parents and threw ourself into adoption. The goal is reunification and you have to always remember that. Unfortunately our hearts carried us away, and we realized that we could not keep handling these types of situations, with babies coming and going.
 
Old 06-06-2012, 12:10 AM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,668 posts, read 23,241,522 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TechGromit View Post
I'm a foster parent and I do not recall any training not to be emotionally involved. I am aware that Unification is primary goal of the state child agency and that the parents have to be pretty screwed up for that not to happen. Trust me there are no Jedi mind tricks I can use to not be emotionally involved with a foster child. Other than the once a week 2 hour visit the birth mother gets, the child for ours the other 165 hours a week. (the lost hour is 1 hour travel time to bring the baby to and from the office where the visits take place).

Believe me it's very stressful when the case worker tells us that the birth mother is doing everything asked of her and is making positive progress towards unification.
The class I attended taught that. Be supportive and kind but not to get too involved because reunification was the goal. We were supposed to be on the team of people who wanted to reunite children with abusive parents. Couldn't do it.

Not a fan of most reunification. And no, we did not go through with it.

I believe you that it's stressful, but I am sure you feel rewarded by your work.
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