U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Adoption
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Closed Thread Start New Thread
 
Old 06-07-2012, 11:55 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
1,105 posts, read 2,912,479 times
Reputation: 2106

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
The class I attended taught that. Be supportive and kind but not to get too involved because reunification was the goal. We were supposed to be on the team of people who wanted to reunite children with abusive parents. Couldn't do it.
Not all parents of kids in foster care are abusive. Most are not. The majority of kids are in foster care due to neglect which is a very broad term. Not all of the parents are bad people who harm their kids. It's not that cut and dry. Some are drug addicts or alcoholics who can be wonderful parents once they are in recovery. Others are mothers who are in an abusive relationship herself but can be a great mom once she's no longer in that relationship. Some even have to put their kids in state care due to a physical illness because they don't have help. It's not fair to assume that all parents of foster kids are abusers who shouldn't get their kids back.
My husband's niece had her baby taken away after he was abused by his father. He's a monster and is now in prison where he belongs. But she is not an abusive or bad parent and there would have been no reason why she shouldn't have been reunited with her child.
A lot of parents whose kids go into foster care are not bad people but are people who find themselves in a bad situation that can be turned around with some help. The goal with foster care is to make that happen when possible. If you don't support reunification you really shouldn't be a foster parent. Foster care is not a good solution for hardly any child. The state makes a horrible parent. Our prisons and homeless shelters houses the evidence of that. If it's possible for a child to be with their parents that's where they should be.

 
Old 06-09-2012, 10:27 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,677 posts, read 23,246,850 times
Reputation: 48862
Quote:
Originally Posted by carolinajack View Post
i think state adoptions are cheaper and President Bush increased the Adoption tax credit to $11,000 next year.

we are adopting too, will be final in the fall
President CLINTON initiated it. Bush increased it very slightly.
 
Old 06-09-2012, 10:33 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,677 posts, read 23,246,850 times
Reputation: 48862
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizita View Post
Not all parents of kids in foster care are abusive. Most are not. The majority of kids are in foster care due to neglect which is a very broad term. Not all of the parents are bad people who harm their kids. It's not that cut and dry. Some are drug addicts or alcoholics who can be wonderful parents once they are in recovery. Others are mothers who are in an abusive relationship herself but can be a great mom once she's no longer in that relationship. Some even have to put their kids in state care due to a physical illness because they don't have help. It's not fair to assume that all parents of foster kids are abusers who shouldn't get their kids back.
My husband's niece had her baby taken away after he was abused by his father. He's a monster and is now in prison where he belongs. But she is not an abusive or bad parent and there would have been no reason why she shouldn't have been reunited with her child.
A lot of parents whose kids go into foster care are not bad people but are people who find themselves in a bad situation that can be turned around with some help. The goal with foster care is to make that happen when possible. If you don't support reunification you really shouldn't be a foster parent. Foster care is not a good solution for hardly any child. The state makes a horrible parent. Our prisons and homeless shelters houses the evidence of that. If it's possible for a child to be with their parents that's where they should be.
Don't worry. I don't support it and I am not thinking about foster care.

I support state run orphanages more than I do foster care, as it exists in the US as of now.

Orphanages would give workers time off, permit governmental inspection and be regulated. I know of adult foster children who were not given Christmas gifts, forced to do all of the house hold chores, molested, beaten and not loved.

The worst things happen to children behind closed doors.

The doors to their homes - foster or otherwise.
 
Old 06-09-2012, 11:20 PM
 
Location: Chicago area
1,105 posts, read 2,912,479 times
Reputation: 2106
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
Don't worry. I don't support it and I am not thinking about foster care.

I support state run orphanages more than I do foster care, as it exists in the US as of now.

Orphanages would give workers time off, permit governmental inspection and be regulated. I know of adult foster children who were not given Christmas gifts, forced to do all of the house hold chores, molested, beaten and not loved.

The worst things happen to children behind closed doors.

The doors to their homes - foster or otherwise.
What? You think kids are better off in state run orphanages than in foster care? Did I read that right?
 
Old 06-10-2012, 12:12 AM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,677 posts, read 23,246,850 times
Reputation: 48862
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizita View Post
What? You think kids are better off in state run orphanages than in foster care? Did I read that right?
Yes.
 
Old 06-10-2012, 10:23 PM
 
16,482 posts, read 21,085,728 times
Reputation: 16171
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
Yes.
You wouldn't say that if you saw how some of these kids from Russia and Romania that spent years in orphanages are. Most have severe RAD, many have fetal alcohol syndrome (especially from Russia) and many other issues. Most foster homes are regualr people like you or me. We were foster parents for 2 years and would have provided any child a far better home than where they came from or what their life would be like in an orphanage. As in many things, you hear about the bad foster parents on tv, not the hundreds of thousands of good ones.
 
Old 06-11-2012, 07:33 AM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,484 posts, read 43,769,854 times
Reputation: 47257
I think sheena is talking about properly run orphanages in USA not the hell holes we know about in Eastern European countries. nobody would wish that on any kid.
 
Old 06-11-2012, 08:40 PM
 
10,452 posts, read 10,630,548 times
Reputation: 12537
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
Don't worry. I don't support it and I am not thinking about foster care.

I support state run orphanages more than I do foster care, as it exists in the US as of now.

Orphanages would give workers time off, permit governmental inspection and be regulated. I know of adult foster children who were not given Christmas gifts, forced to do all of the house hold chores, molested, beaten and not loved.

The worst things happen to children behind closed doors.

The doors to their homes - foster or otherwise.
This sums up my ex's experience (who grew up in foster care).
 
Old 06-11-2012, 08:42 PM
 
10,452 posts, read 10,630,548 times
Reputation: 12537
Quote:
Originally Posted by brokencrayola View Post
You wouldn't say that if you saw how some of these kids from Russia and Romania that spent years in orphanages are. Most have severe RAD, many have fetal alcohol syndrome (especially from Russia) and many other issues. Most foster homes are regualr people like you or me. We were foster parents for 2 years and would have provided any child a far better home than where they came from or what their life would be like in an orphanage. As in many things, you hear about the bad foster parents on tv, not the hundreds of thousands of good ones.
A lot of regular parents are abusers. A lot of regular adults in a child's life are abusers. I'm not saying that all foster parents are good, or that they're all bad--just that you can't assume one way or the other just based on the fact they're a foster parent.
 
Old 06-12-2012, 12:23 AM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,677 posts, read 23,246,850 times
Reputation: 48862
Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
I think sheena is talking about properly run orphanages in USA not the hell holes we know about in Eastern European countries. nobody would wish that on any kid.
Yes I am. And I'm not sure that there is a model to follow. It is something new to create.

I have visited Eastern European orphanages in three counties. Half were quite good. Decent facilities and a caring staff. Some were not nice - old and decrepit, and a staff that was either apathetic of overworked but not sadistic or abusive. The remainder were pretty bad.

The worst was in Borzna Ukraine and the South of Russia. I can;t remember the name of the city or Oblast. They were for "normal" kids. Borzna was unheated or barely heated - except by a weak coal furnace. The worst one in Russia had a sadistic head Mistress.

I have never been to one as bad as the ones I've seen on television in Romania or the one Nimchinsky speaks about, or the Bulgarian one he posted. I obviously believe his experiences and the videos are obviously true.

We Americans however, have a tendency to think that all bad things happen elsewhere and our ways are right.

The best orphanages I saw wee bright, cheerful, and filled with happy children and a caring staff.

I'd still not use them as role models, but foster care is for the most part, a dismal failure.

I will try to post pictures of these places.

The food was good and wholesome, the care takers brought gifrs from home, the children received speech therapy and psychological therapy.The children were encouraged to play outdoors and there was a relatively homey feeling. the "Mammas" as they are called were doting and protective.

They were also inspected frequently and without notice.
Our constitution and our national feelings about privacy would make spot checks on private homes impossible.

Foster homes are private homes.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Adoption
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top