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Old 11-05-2009, 12:46 AM
 
9,912 posts, read 13,867,655 times
Reputation: 7330

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Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanBlasphemy View Post
Your reply and Moonie's (hope I don't get kicked for calling her that)
Ha! As if! I prefer Moonie. It appeals to my twisted sense of humour.

Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanBlasphemy View Post
I am seriously thinking about the Big Brother thing.. I agree with you completely, it's a win-win for everyone, and I get to have a bit 'o fun while doing it.
One of my dearest friends became a Big Sister. I think it was something she'd thought about for a long time, something I'd mentioned to her a long time ago I had thought I might like to do myself when the time was right. Anyway she became a Big Sister and then not long after that she discovered she was pregnant and had a gorgeous little girl. In all that time (her daughter is now coming up to 5 years old) she's continued being a Big Sister and her Little Sister has become a part of all of our lives and she ours. It's such a great organization and in my experience it really does make such a difference in people's lives, especially the children.

Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanBlasphemy View Post
I'll put my replies in bold here, to make it easier.

You're good, you know it.. I'll stop there before I get myself in trouble.
hehe! I'm all puffed up and pleased with meself now.

Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanBlasphemy View Post
Switched on? I dunno, I'm pretty off a lot of times. But hey, I don't mind if I don't have a mind..
Yes, you're in tune with yourself and your needs and thoughts. You know yourself well to the point that you'll even acknowledge that you can be off. It's a good way to be. TRUST ME on that!

Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanBlasphemy View Post
I've pretty much decided, if someone isn't comfortable with me adopting, then they really aren't long term potential anyway. Thinking about the replies, it is a kinda silly thing to worry about. I want someone who accepts me for me, even with all my psychofreakish behavior.
That's all we all want really. To have our inner psychofreak acknowledged and cared for. AND for reasons known only to the cosmos I managed somehow to stumble across someone that gets me (this truly is the equivalent of winning lotto, you know!) which is why I say that as unlikely as it may seem to you right now, it does happen. It's perfectly normal to proceed with your own plans regardless just don't completely snuff the idea out. I think if adopting is something you strongly believe is right for you then yes, it is a bit of a deal breaker, just maybe bear in mind that you might be the first guy that presents the idea to a gal. (I can't say it's been a re-occuring theme amongst guys I know or have dated) You know, so try to be patient if she's not leaping out of her skin in agreement right off the bat. She might just need a little process time to pick her jaw up off the ground and consider what you're saying.

Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanBlasphemy View Post
My ex wife was a single child.. Well, most of the time anyway. I found her father and introduced them (again) when she was 22, but by that time, there was a lot of damage done. Her mother had issues with over-controlling her life, even for a couple years after we got married. She would tell horrendous stories about her father, and in general, told her a lot of things about men that simply wasn't true. I don't think that her mother did it on purpose, but it was the way she felt.
It's unfortunate sometimes when relationships end many people are unable to detach themselves from how they feel about their partner and the hurt they feel and not discuss it around the children. They forget that they are still parents and that they owe their children as close to a normal relationship with BOTH parents as they are able to provide regardless of their personal feelings. Just because someone is not so great on the spouse front doesn't instantly make them a bad parent. NOR does divorce EVER end you being a parent. (something I had to advise both of my parents on a couple of occasions back in the day. They took it well enough, to their credit. ) One can only hope that eventually those children who are subjected to messy, emotional and bitter divorces are eventually able to mature enough that they can see their parents both as parents but also as people. People who make mistakes, whose views are not always solid, who may not always have been the best person to ask about a particular subject at a given point. (For example 3 days after Dad's buggered off with the lunch van girl is not a good time to ask Mum ANYTHING about Dad. ) It's sad what happened to your ex wife AND your ex mother in law. What would be really sad is if the perfectly understandable not right thinking from that period was allowed to shape either of their lives for ever. Some people stay trapped by this stuff. It's horrid to watch and be around and equally as painful to be in it, I suspect.

Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanBlasphemy View Post
Anyway, maybe that's a little over the top, but I understand what you're saying. My parents have been married for 50+ years, so I never had to worry about things like that. Looking around though, I see a lot of problems that come from single parent families - but at the same time, I see a lot of good that comes from it as well. I don't know what kind of parent I would be, but I'll tell you this, I'll give it my damndest to make sure that the child was raised right.
That's it isn't it? You can't know going into it how things are going to turn out so you can only strive to do your best, educate yourself, learn from your mistakes and just keep moving forward with the best of intentions, try your very best and hope for the best. I guess I figured your parents had been together for a while and that was the perspective you are coming from WHICH IS AWESOME, it's just a little different from doing it yourself. See for instance I was really worried when I was younger and thinking about parenthood how I would cope being a parent with a partner because I had no point of reference for it really. I figured I had a good grounding in how to be a single parent, just I realized there'd be a whole other bunch of other stuff being part of a couple and parenting would bring that I coudn't really know until I was in it. I did spend a good deal of time watching my friends parents interacting but I suspect it was a bit like watching the Brady Bunch as a reference tool.

Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanBlasphemy View Post
You have brought up a lot of good points though. I've thought about doctors and schooling and all of that, and I think I have that covered.. but something that I didn't really think about, if I get sick or if something happens to me, what then? I'm not worried about being tired - hell, I spend most of my life like that right now anyway. Most of that though, I'll stop doing once I do have a kid.. Still, that's something to think about that I haven't considered yet.
You've probably thought of all kinds of things that I wouldn't have thought of and not thought of a bunch more that I would have. That's why it's great that you're asking around.

Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanBlasphemy View Post
Personally, I think you'd be an excellent parent - and I'm glad that you've found someone who is perfect for you.. I hope that I find that one day.. As an aside, I don't think that age really matters, but that's me. Still, life is what happens to us when we're out making plans - ya never know what will happen.
I agree age doesn't really matter (well you know til the eggs go off ) but it's not just the eggs or the age, there are other factors and probably also the truth be told, whilst I love kids and enjoy spending time with them and seemingly they I, I have come to a point where the will is not as strong. And that's ok. I can hone my parenting skills on the mutt and on the nieces and nephews (WHICH I JUST LOVE DOING to freak out my brother! ) But you're right I don't know what will happen, none of us do. I do know that if I talk about it too much I'm liable to jinx myself and end up Up the Duff so I'll leave it alone now.

Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanBlasphemy View Post
Still, maybe someone will come along, maybe they won't.. At this point, I'm not too worried about that. I figure that I'll go on living my life the way that I want to regardless.. I've had some long term partners since my divorce, but ya know, and it may sound weird to say, but since that time I've given up my life to others. I would rather make an impact on the world rather than stress about dating.. there's more important things, if that makes any sense.
Priorities change, we seek different things at different times in our lives AND growing pains NEVER end. (Least that's what my Gran always said)
You want other things now. I think it's great!

Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanBlasphemy View Post
Thanks for that.. Personally, I think I'd be an average parent, but I hope to be more than that..
Nah, you'll be great because you WANT to be good at it!

Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanBlasphemy View Post
I like your perspectives.. (Ok, that didn't sound right, but you know what I mean!)


Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanBlasphemy View Post
You've given me a lot to think about.. You have no idea how much I appreciate that.. I know it's my decision, but hearing things from other people helps me learn a little more about things.. And yes, I could use all the luck, and the good fortune, and clever planning, and everything else anyone can offer.. Like I said, it's been a long year this month.
haha! Love it! It has been a long year this month here too!
Just keep mulling it over, investigating and thinking it all through. I gotta say I'm really excited and happy for you. Reckon you'll be great!

Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanBlasphemy View Post
Thanks again..
You're welcome and thank you.


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Old 11-05-2009, 11:08 AM
 
1,322 posts, read 2,408,207 times
Reputation: 1473
I've really gotta learn how to break up my quotes.. Still figuring this thing out though, I'll get there..

Quote:
Originally Posted by moonshadow View Post
Ha! As if! I prefer Moonie. It appeals to my twisted sense of humour.

Moonie just has such a beautiful ring to it, in a pants-down kinda way... Sorry, I just can't help myself...

That's all we all want really. To have our inner psychofreak acknowledged and cared for. AND for reasons known only to the cosmos I managed somehow to stumble across someone that gets me (this truly is the equivalent of winning lotto, you know!) which is why I say that as unlikely as it may seem to you right now, it does happen. It's perfectly normal to proceed with your own plans regardless just don't completely snuff the idea out. I think if adopting is something you strongly believe is right for you then yes, it is a bit of a deal breaker, just maybe bear in mind that you might be the first guy that presents the idea to a gal. (I can't say it's been a re-occuring theme amongst guys I know or have dated) You know, so try to be patient if she's not leaping out of her skin in agreement right off the bat. She might just need a little process time to pick her jaw up off the ground and consider what you're saying.

That's what I think..

Ya know, I did meet someone a couple months ago when I went down to work on my house. She's a sweet girl, but the relationship is so unusual that I don't even know if I should call it a relationship. When we're together, things just are, kinda like we've been together before.. if that makes any sense. For the most part though, I don't talk to her until I go down. She could be something long-term, or she could just end up being a good friend.

I'm interested romantically, but I'm not. My problem is that right now, I just have too much going on with everything. Once I get down there and not living in two places, all that will change, so, as they say, it's just a waiting game.

Either way, I'm just going to do what I've always done, and just live my life. I haven't brought any of this up to her yet, but then again, I haven't really known her for that long. We'll see..

Hopefully I'll win the lotto... like someone else I know.

It's unfortunate sometimes when relationships end many people are unable to detach themselves from how they feel about their partner and the hurt they feel and not discuss it around the children. They forget that they are still parents and that they owe their children as close to a normal relationship with BOTH parents as they are able to provide regardless of their personal feelings. Just because someone is not so great on the spouse front doesn't instantly make them a bad parent. NOR does divorce EVER end you being a parent. (something I had to advise both of my parents on a couple of occasions back in the day. They took it well enough, to their credit. ) One can only hope that eventually those children who are subjected to messy, emotional and bitter divorces are eventually able to mature enough that they can see their parents both as parents but also as people. People who make mistakes, whose views are not always solid, who may not always have been the best person to ask about a particular subject at a given point. (For example 3 days after Dad's buggered off with the lunch van girl is not a good time to ask Mum ANYTHING about Dad. ) It's sad what happened to your ex wife AND your ex mother in law. What would be really sad is if the perfectly understandable not right thinking from that period was allowed to shape either of their lives for ever. Some people stay trapped by this stuff. It's horrid to watch and be around and equally as painful to be in it, I suspect.

It is sad when that happens.. I don't think it's the end of the world though. After I introduced her to her father, they started talking about things and worked a lot of things out. Now her father is a central part in her life, which is how it should be. Her mother is still the same way though, and treats her new husband like he was a piece of crap.. I can't stand that, he's a good guy, but there's nothing I can do. My ex realizes what her mother's deal is though, and has had a little influence, so there's hope.

It's kinda like what I was talking about in another thread - about being able to look at life from anothers point of view.. It's just sad that the kids get stuck in the middle of things.. I hate that, but hell, I can't fix everything. If I could, I wouldn't be so psycho.

That's it isn't it? You can't know going into it how things are going to turn out so you can only strive to do your best, educate yourself, learn from your mistakes and just keep moving forward with the best of intentions, try your very best and hope for the best. I guess I figured your parents had been together for a while and that was the perspective you are coming from WHICH IS AWESOME, it's just a little different from doing it yourself. See for instance I was really worried when I was younger and thinking about parenthood how I would cope being a parent with a partner because I had no point of reference for it really. I figured I had a good grounding in how to be a single parent, just I realized there'd be a whole other bunch of other stuff being part of a couple and parenting would bring that I coudn't really know until I was in it. I did spend a good deal of time watching my friends parents interacting but I suspect it was a bit like watching the Brady Bunch as a reference tool.

That's funny right there! The Brady Bunch? You're right.. I've watched kids, I've tried to learn from others, but I'm sure that it's nothing like being in that position yourself.

I agree age doesn't really matter (well you know til the eggs go off ) but it's not just the eggs or the age, there are other factors and probably also the truth be told, whilst I love kids and enjoy spending time with them and seemingly they I, I have come to a point where the will is not as strong. And that's ok. I can hone my parenting skills on the mutt and on the nieces and nephews (WHICH I JUST LOVE DOING to freak out my brother! ) But you're right I don't know what will happen, none of us do. I do know that if I talk about it too much I'm liable to jinx myself and end up Up the Duff so I'll leave it alone now.

I understand that.. But, thing is, you've found something that a lot - a LOT - of people don't have: Someone who compliments you perfectly, and a good family that supports you. That's what really matters in life..

Priorities change, we seek different things at different times in our lives AND growing pains NEVER end. (Least that's what my Gran always said)
You want other things now. I think it's great!

You're right about that.. Two years ago all I wanted to do was go skydiving.. Now, well, I'll sit on the back of a plane.. I've never seen a plane back into a mountain.

But yeah, life is all about growing and learning who you are.. while caring for the ones you love and watching them do the same..

I think that's one reason why I've been thinking about this so much.. I really don't have a family, all things considered, and I know I would like to build my own soon..

We'll see what happens..
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