U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Adoption
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 11-04-2009, 01:01 AM
 
1,322 posts, read 2,080,097 times
Reputation: 1464

Advertisements

Lately, I've been feeling like a fish that's been yanked out of the ocean and thrown ashore on some strange land.. It's been a crazy year this month.

My house is nearly finished, I've moved all my furniture down south, I've set up contacts to continue my work down there, and I'm ready to head out of Dodge.

But, something's been bothering me.

I was married for six years to a girl that I greatly admired. At first, we had the same goals in life, but getting married at 19 when you're still too young to think kinda has a way of changing things. Needless to say, we divorced six years ago.

One thing that we agreed on was not having any children - which ultimately ended up being a good thing.

I never wanted kids..

But now, something's changed. I don't know, maybe I'm getting senile, but I've been thinking about having little rugrats.. not right now, of course, but within the next couple years. I don't want to be 60 and raising a youngin'..

I have a house that is way too big for me, and when I'm there, a lot of times it just seems empty. But then, I go visit the neighbor and see his kids (3 boys, cute kids), and I start to think that I'm missing out. I don't want to live in an empty house.

Problem is, I'm single, and single people can't have kids by themselves. Something about anatomy and all that, I don't get it..

My thinking, if I don't meet someone who I want to spend my life with within the next couple years then I'll adopt a child and raise it as my own.

Here's my question: What do people think of that? I mean, do you think people would really care, or would someone be bothered by that? Or, would it be a better idea to wait longer and see what happens?

It's just something that I've been thinking about, but to be honest, I know absolutely nothing about any of that.

Any thoughts?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 11-04-2009, 01:19 AM
 
Location: Las Vegas
13,453 posts, read 24,259,357 times
Reputation: 24806
Just my opinion based on what I've seen you write here but I think you would be an amazing father.

If that's what you want to do, do it. You will be successful and any child would be lucky to have you.

I'm guessing that anyone who would think less of you for adopting isn't someone you would be likely to respect or choose for a friend. So it doesn't really matter. Your head and your heart will get together and decide.

If you decide you want to find your perfect mate and perhaps have children you will. Either way, you'll be OK.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-04-2009, 01:20 AM
 
9,912 posts, read 12,197,174 times
Reputation: 7260
Ok well first of all welcome to my world.

The old will I or won't I has been a re-occuring conundrum for many years. Thankfully for me, (I think) the eggs are getting past their use by date and it's no longer such a pressing thing.

I don't think there's anything wrong with exploring your options and definitely being a single parent of an adopted child is an option you should look at. I personally don't see anything wrong with it per se other than the fact that I'm very much a believer in two involved parents being the ideal kinda gal.

Having said that (and being practically raised by wolves I'm kidding! ) I believe that a family is MANY things these days.

Can I suggest though, that adoption and being a single parent is your last case scenario and that perhaps you test the water first with something like being a foster parent OR Big Brother/Big Sister should it come to the point where you are looking at being a parent as a single person?

I understand that you are exploring your options and being a single parent of an adopted child is a good option, I'm just not sure it's the best option for either yourself or a child. It could be argued that it is a better option than a lot of family situations that people find themselves in today and I would agree but I cannot bypass my long held belief in doing things right or as close to right as you possibly can for the sake of the child or children.

I hope that makes sense?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-04-2009, 06:35 AM
 
Location: Sunny Florida
7,136 posts, read 10,686,688 times
Reputation: 9448
When I turned 30, was single, settled in my life, established in my career, and had my own home, I started thinking about having kids too. I really didn't have any hope of finding a husband because it was the "women over 30 have a better chance of being attacked by terrorists than finding a husband" era and I wasn't out and looking. I decided that I would not go through life childless, and that if I was single at 35, I'd have or adopt a child. I informed my family and all of my friends of this decision and went on about getting my life in order. A year and a half later I met my DH, fell in love, and at 33 had our first child. My DH was 38 at that time. You've got time. Get your life, finances, support system, etc. in order and see what happens. Sometimes when you aren't even looking a wonderful person falls into your life and a traditional family becomes possible. Don't completely write off that possibility. Sometimes you just have to go out there and make your own family. I wish you well and support your desire to have a child in your life. I think you'll be a great parent.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-04-2009, 06:58 AM
 
Location: My Private Island
4,941 posts, read 7,096,050 times
Reputation: 12250
In a perfect world, all children would be a part of a loving family, regardless if it's a two parent or single parent family. There are MANY two parent households where children are no better off than if they were raised by a single parent (actually they would have been better off). True, it's sad but it's the reality of the world we live in.

I agree with moonshadow that you should test your tolerance for children by being a foster parent or big brother. This will expose you to what it is like to have a child (particular through the adoption process) and you will be able to determine if you are ready to be a parent. Children are alot of work, dedication, time, energy, money...etc. Now don't get me wrong, if it was SO difficult, there would not be so many children in the world! It is full of joy and lifelong rewards like no other.

On the other hand, you may meet the woman of your dreams and you decide the emptiness in your life has been fulfilled. If you decide to bring children into your life by relationship or adoption, I think they will be loved and very lucky to have you. Whatever is in store for your future, I wish you well.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-04-2009, 07:06 AM
 
Location: California
440 posts, read 874,484 times
Reputation: 434
I'm all for you adopting a child, yes it will be a challenge to be a single parent, but for that one child whos life you make the biggest change in, will be enough of a reward. You sound like you really want a child and there are so many children that need a good home, so I say you should go for it! Good luck with everything!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-04-2009, 07:09 AM
 
Location: Springfield MO
438 posts, read 1,163,993 times
Reputation: 459
Good luck to you. If only more people who have established themselves would think more in this way and have consideration for children that so badly need a mentor, home, and a parent they can trust, love and respect in today's dysfunctional world.
If you do decide to adopt/foster or mentor a child then I am sure you will be a wonderful parent and it is admirable your thoughts of considering this to have your own family.
Also, from your post, I estimate you must be in your early 30's. There is still plenty of time for you to find the right SO, start your own family without the need for adoption, which would have to be something mutually agreed upon. Good luck again!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-04-2009, 07:14 AM
 
25,947 posts, read 25,914,487 times
Reputation: 26678
Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanBlasphemy View Post
Lately,Problem is, I'm single, and single people can't have kids by themselves. Something about anatomy and all that, I don't get it..
Not necessarily so, there is surrogacy as an option.

But George Lucas, of Star Wars fame, adopted one daughter with his wife at the time and at least two more children after he was divorced (I think he has more) and living alone.

From Wikipedia: In 1969, Lucas married film editor Marcia Lou Griffin who went on to win an Academy Award for her editing work on the original (Episode IV) Star Wars film. George and Marcia adopted a daughter, Amanda, in 1981, and divorced in 1984. Lucas has since adopted two more children: Katie, born in 1988, and Jett, born in 1993. All three of his children have appeared in the three Star Wars prequels, as has Lucas himself.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-04-2009, 07:14 AM
 
Location: Between Philadelphia and Allentown, PA
5,077 posts, read 12,724,835 times
Reputation: 3713
I did the complete opposite of a lot of the posters on this thread, I had kids young, got married, got divorced and am now just starting the next phase of my life. I'm sure my daughter will agree (ablees8951), I don't know that I would have had kids later in life. I do love kids but I love the kind that are well behaved and go home with their parents when they are done visiting... I'll love and adore my own grandchildren of course but now that I'm nearly 40, I don't see myself as having waited to have kids. I just don't have the same desires as I did when I was younger.
Now though, UP, if you are feeling that "empty" feeling I think that yes, you can adopt and yes you probably would make a great father.
You just have to know that's you are really missing that and not something else.
You are single now, you mentioned that you had been with your ex for a long time, you speak well of her - is the lonliness just missing a mate or do you feel like you are meant for greater things... those are the questions I'd ask myself if I were in your shoes.
Whatever you decide though, I'm sure you will make the right choice. There are a lot of children out there that are feeling the same emptiness that you feel.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-04-2009, 07:24 AM
 
Location: Sunset Mountain
1,385 posts, read 2,749,303 times
Reputation: 1369
Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowsnow View Post
Just my opinion based on what I've seen you write here but I think you would be an amazing father.

If that's what you want to do, do it. You will be successful and any child would be lucky to have you.

I'm guessing that anyone who would think less of you for adopting isn't someone you would be likely to respect or choose for a friend. So it doesn't really matter. Your head and your heart will get together and decide.

If you decide you want to find your perfect mate and perhaps have children you will. Either way, you'll be OK.
Nailed it. Absolutely nothing to add. I totally agree.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Adoption
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top