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Old 05-18-2007, 02:20 PM
548 posts, read 2,429,685 times
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How about going in to talk with the admissions director and with others and explaining your concern. I'd also ask if there are any current or former same sex parents you could speak with to see what their experiences were with the school. If there have never been any..well, that in and of itself might raise a red flag for me, b/c 1. there might be a reason (like they know something you don't), or 2. there could be a general unfamiliarity with same sex parenting, which could lead to ignorant even if not malicious questions.

Again, I refer to my family...we used to live in an area which was not very diverse (mainly white). We got LOTS of questions abotu our son (black, adopted)...they weren't malicious, but they were ignorant. He was an infant at the time, but we didn't want him growing up constantly dealing with it. Of course he'll experience ignorant (and sometimes malicious) questions during his life, but being in a homogenous area would have led to more than his fair share. We now live in a much more diverse area and when people ask questions, they are generally much better informed questions--ones I have no trouble having my son handle regularly as he grows...so my point is if you are in a school where people have some familiarity with same sex parents, your child is probably less likely to hear ignorant/offensive questions on a regular basis...to me, I'd want to know my child is not pioneering the effort to inform people about his life (whether private or public school)
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Old 05-18-2007, 03:29 PM
Location: The Frenchie Farm, Where We Grow 'em Big!
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Thanks for your posts everyone. It helps us to know there are other people in somewhat similiar situations. Going through the attorneys and interviewing the different agencies is stressful. And we haven't official put our hat in the ring, yet.

But, thank you all for your kind words.
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Old 05-18-2007, 03:42 PM
Location: Mississippi
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Hmmm... this is the only reason I believe homosexuals should not be able to adopt children. And, I think I feel this way because I know how mean kids can be to one another because I was bullied a lot in school. However, today a lot of schools have "anti-bully laws" where they have zero tolerance for bullies. I think having a child of same sex parents, whether adopted or artificially inseminated, is fine. I always wondered about how the kids would be treated at school. That's my only hang up. Being bullied can leave a long lasting mental effect on a child and some kids don't care and some kids take it deeply to heart. This country is just not socially understandable yet of the way human beings work and we are one of the most religious of them all. Go figure.
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Old 05-18-2007, 04:04 PM
Location: The Frenchie Farm, Where We Grow 'em Big!
2,078 posts, read 5,648,379 times
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Thanks GCSTroop. I know kids will harass or bully other kids. This journey for a first time parent, esp. a gay couple, is very daunting. I'm just seeking advice and similiar stories so at least we're not alone.
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Old 05-18-2007, 04:16 PM
Location: Nashville, Tn
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It sounds like society in general and especially the younger generation are more accepting of gay people than they used to be. It's just my opinion but a religious school is not very likely to have as many students who are accepting of a gay couple and would probably take it out on the child. Like someone else asked, it depends on where you live. It would be much worse in a very conservative area but I still think it sounds like a bad idea no matter where it is. I do wish you the best of luck though.
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Old 05-18-2007, 06:29 PM
Location: NE Florida
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I am not aware of any religious schools in Jax that are supportive of homosexuality. I'm straight and am putting my kids into private school next year, but have written off the Chrisitan schools because of their stance on abortion, homosexuality and other faiths.

What did I tell my kids when they asked? I just told them that the kid's parents were gay and that they both liked men, not women. When my kids asked they were young enough that they just said, "Oh." In Florida gays and lesbians are not allowed to adopt. This troubles me personally, as I am in my 50s and have a young teen and my will provides that he will go to his Big Brother of six years (Big Bros/Big Sisters) if I die. Both he and his partner have become family to us and the only way for it to happen is for just one of them to adopt, not both.

Would love to hear of any Christian school that you find that are tolerant of same sex couples. As a Christian, I often find myself qualifying my belief because of Jerry F's hijacking of the faith in the 80s. Hopefully the pendalum is swinging back.
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Old 05-18-2007, 07:46 PM
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I was just thinking about this too (sorry if I'm posting too much on this!)...I think it's possible for a school and/or church (and churchgoers) to say they would never reject you, they support you, blah, blah...but based on some threads I've seen here, it is b/c they apparently still believe they should "love thy neighbor" even when their neighbor has "sinned." So I'd be wary of that...they may say sure, we support you, yet really have this notion that some "sin" is occurring and that would not work for me personally...I'd want to ask outright if they believe homosexuality is a sin or "deviant behavior". If yes, that would be the end of that conversation for me!!

Gay couples can't adopt internationally either. I know a lot of people where one parent adopted and then they were able to readopt as a couple once in the US. I didn't realize there were even states where this wasn't an option. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, but I am disheartened to hear it.
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Old 05-18-2007, 08:38 PM
Location: Between Here and There
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Originally Posted by brikag View Post
Before we break out into an all out verbal war....

My partner and I are planning to adopt. We're in the planning stages. We hired an attorney. Interviewed a few adoption agencies. And now, we're in the process of looking at academics. On that note, I'm in favor for private schools that are religious based, and my partner is supporting the public school education system and have our future children would attend church with us.

Our question is not the denomination of the school our children will be attending, because there are three schools I would love our children to attend here in Socal. And we know it's hard to gage the public opinion on this subject, but we would like to know if we are making a sound decision on this matter? We are aware that our children would be heckled and harassed in either schooling system.

But my reasoning for our children to attend a religious based school is the moral teachings we benefitted when we were growing up in the mid-west. And we absolutely know that the moral base for a child does start at home. But we wanted to give the same benefits we had as children to our future children.

Is this wrong to be really concerned about this? And if you have children that attend school where some of their classmates have same-sex parents, how did you explain it to your children? We just like to know so we can prepare ourselves for the not-so-distant future.

Thank you for your time and responses.
First of all...Congratulations!!!

Both of my sons have children in their schools with same sex parents. My 5 year old is in a Montessori school and my 11 year old is in a Catholic school. Neither needed to ask me about it as they have cousins with same sex parents, my sister and her partner. But when they were little I just explained that when people are truly in love with another person they want to get married and have a family. That most couples were a mommy and daddy, but sometimes they are two mommies or two daddies and it's the same thing. Neither of them have ever blinked an eye at it, just accepted it as fact and went on to love both aunts and their cousins.

Now in the Montessori school they teach a lot about different cultures, religions and lifestyles. So it's definitely no big deal there at all and absolutely accepted. In the Catholic school, although the church is against it they don't teach that part in religion class...they only focus on learning about God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, Mary and the Saints and the stories of the bible. My experience is that at a young age children are innocent and accepting. The two children that have same sex parents seem to be very social and have friends. I have never heard a bad word said, but I tend to shy away from the clickier parents so that doesn't mean stuff doesn't go on with me knowing. The children aren't in my son's grade, so I don't know them other than from being the per diem school nurse, but they have never said anything bad to me about their experience. I think eventually kids will let their parent's influence into their views and they will become less accepting...this seems to happen in middle school...which may explain why kids in middle school are the meanest to each other. Then in high school when peer groups are and independence from parents take a more important role things seem to get better again.

I think if you want a private religious based education you need to be sure to meet with the administration of the school first and talk about what you may encounter with attitudes of people at the school. If you are an openly gay/lesbian couple in your church and have had good acceptance and experiences there I would think a school affiliated with that church would be a good fit, but if not then of course you don't want to be there and you wouldn't want your children there either. I'm pretty sure it will mirror your own experiences in life, some will openly think it's great that you are a family and some will not. That's just the way it is unfortunately and picking a school that will lessen that for your kids will help them. If you are not already involved with a gay/lesbian parents group in your area try to connect with one so you can get advice on which school settings, from those that have already done it, would be a good match for your own child. I wish you all the best in creating your family.
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Old 05-18-2007, 09:38 PM
7,780 posts, read 13,475,182 times
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Originally Posted by dncngrl1964 View Post
sexual orientation IS a protected class
Actually, I think you need to show me that. I do not think it is.

EDIT: I checked real quick on this and found that here in NC, it is covered by State policy (not sure what that means) but it is not covered by State or Federal law. http://www.ncsu.edu/equal_op/harassment/pro_class.html

Edit2: Sorry to be off topic but just wanted to point this out.

Last edited by Alpha8207; 05-18-2007 at 09:47 PM..
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Old 05-18-2007, 09:45 PM
Location: Comunistafornia, and working to get out ASAP!
1,959 posts, read 4,718,409 times
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You asked for responses, and I will give mine.

I'm sorry but your sending mixed messages to any child you would adopt. It would best if you reconsidered. You say you are aware that your "so-called" future children would be, "…heckled and harassed in either schooling system." How do you know that? Maybe they wont. Aren't you judging the actions of another based on an inner feeling of discrimination? I think so.

You say, " But my reasoning for our children to attend a religious based school is the moral teachings we benefitted when we were growing up in the mid-west. And we absolutely know that the moral base for a child does start at home."

That makes no sense at all. You must want to put these children in a religious setting that is of the liberal, all-inclusive, watered down verity. The moral teaching is, that homosexuality is wrong and against God's law. How can a child learn a "moral base at your home" when that very concept has been twisted and wrenched from it's proper perspective? Again, mixed messages.

How very sad.
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