Gay Couple Adopting Looking For Religious Schools (parents, children)

[brikag]

Before we break out into an all out verbal war....

My partner and I are planning to adopt. We're in the planning stages. We hired an attorney. Interviewed a few adoption agencies. And now, we're in the process of looking at academics. On that note, I'm in favor for private schools that are religious based, and my partner is supporting the public school education system and have our future children would attend church with us.

Our question is not the denomination of the school our children will be attending, because there are three schools I would love our children to attend here in Socal. And we know it's hard to gage the public opinion on this subject, but we would like to know if we are making a sound decision on this matter? We are aware that our children would be heckled and harassed in either schooling system.

But my reasoning for our children to attend a religious based school is the moral teachings we benefitted when we were growing up in the mid-west. And we absolutely know that the moral base for a child does start at home. But we wanted to give the same benefits we had as children to our future children.

Is this wrong to be really concerned about this? And if you have children that attend school where some of their classmates have same-sex parents, how did you explain it to your children? We just like to know so we can prepare ourselves for the not-so-distant future.

Thank you for your time and responses.

[dncngrl1964]

well I guess as a real estate agent my first question would be where do yo live?

My first question as a human being would also be where do you live?
where are you looking for this school?
do you have any online resources for that area on schools?
I don't think it should matter what your sexual preferences are
as a matter of fact it is illegal for a realtor to guide you in one direction or another as sexual orientation IS a protected class

[JerZ]

First of all, how wonderful. Having children is a beautiful thing. I hope you and your baby-to-be connect very soon.

Second of all...this from the perspective of someone who went to public school (I see that you're looking privately, at religious schools...so bear in mind this might not be your experience at a religious school...I really don't know). When I was in high school, a friend of mine's mother was gay. The parents divorced and the mother had a partner. Nobody heckled this girl. And she had tons of friends. This of course was high school, so we were older than a little kid first entering school; I don't know whether this might make a difference as well. But we didn't even consider that having a homosexual mother would impact negatively on the girl. We didn't even consider that it was negative for the mother. So that was all good.

What would I tell my child...it depends upon the age. If my child were very young, elementary school, and he asked, "Why does Josh have two mommies?" I'd probably say, "Every family is different. Justin lives with just his dad and he visits his mommy. Emily lives with her grandma. Fred lives with his mommy, daddy and an aunt and his grandpa."

If the child were older, I'd ask, "Do you know what homosexuality is?" (I can say this as a fact since I did have this convo with my oldest son, who is now 21.) There might be some giggles--there are always giggles when it comes to adults "being together" in any way, homosexual or heterosexual, it doesn't seem to matter. I'd explain that some people are hetero and some are gay and that's that. My older son actually asked me once whether he might "become" gay. He was scared. I don't know where kids get these prejudices from. I told him that eventually he'd know whether he was gay or straight but that it wasn't something you suddenly "become". You don't suddenly get blue eyes if they've always been brown, either.

Those are my personal beliefs and that's how I would present them. There will always be subjects that give kids the giggles or make them uncomfortable. "Mom...I know how the baby got into Emily's older sister's tummy!" (conspiratorial giggle follows) or make them worry or question "Mommy, do we have enough money for the electric bill?" (Bringing a parent to tears, not realizing how much a child can overhear.)

[MaimounaKande]

I personally am not religious, so I wouldn't send my child to a religious school. I hope at least the religious schools you are considering are reflective of a religion which accepts homosexuality. Otherwise, I would think it would be very confusing for a child...and of course a lot of Christians feel homosexuality is "wrong" so I'd make sure you are convinced those aren't the people sending their kids there.

My daughter had same sex parents in her preschool and it wasn't a big deal (mainly b/c she was in a school where people didn't see it as a big deal, so that may really depend on where you live and what kind of school you're talking about). She asked me once why Alix had 2 Mommies and no Daddy, and I just explained that there are many ways to make a family, and that is one of them. In our case, it wasn't too hard to explain, b/c we have 2 white and one black child, so I used our own family as an example...some families have children who are all one color, some have different colors, some have 2 Mommies or Daddys...that sort of thing. This was preschool so of course I didn't go into any further explanation. Our kids are older now (still elementary though) and have asked whether a boy has to marry a girl (b/c that's mainly what they see...). We've just said "No, a boy can marry a boy (although I didn't add...if he lives in Mass!), and a girl can marry a girl." They'll know who they want to marry, so I'm not going encourage or discourage anything, and hopefully they grow up a bit more open minded..

Congratulations on your upcoming adoption!

[arguy1973]

I know several here in my hometown in Arkansas, and they (the kids) are in public school. I dont know of any heckling going on, my kids go to school with them. I mean kids are gonna be kids, and ask questions. My response is, somepeople do things different than us, and leave it at that. The last thing I would do is want my child to treat theirs any differetly, but thats just me.

[Miss Blue]

brikag.. god bless you and your partner for loving the children and wanting to give them a home..I wish you, your partner, and future children much happiness and many blessings. I pray that you will have the strength to stand up to all the hurdles this world will lay at your feet. All children deserve a happy , safe home full of love..

[brikag]

I think the question I should be really asking is that will the religious community would accept our children even though were are homosexual. We live in Los Angeles and have a fairly open-minded religious community. The three schools I speak of are fairly open-minded. I guess my fear is the well being of our future children in such a school. Is this a legit fear?
Thank you again... and for all the kind words above!

[dncngrl1964]

Originally Posted by brikag

I think the question I should be really asking is that will the religious community would accept our children even though were are homosexual. We live in Los Angeles and have a fairly open-minded religious community. The three schools I speak of are fairly open-minded. I guess my fear is the well being of our future children in such a school. Is this a legit fear?
Thank you again... and for all the kind words above!

That is your "dilema" (can't think of another word) as a parent
And being a good parent, as I know you will be or else you wouldn't be asking these questions, you need to educate your child in the best possible way you can

Being a child especially nowadays is hard
Let's be honest
Children can be evil little creatures
They say hateful things with no regard to others feelings
just to get a laugh from those around them

Be a good parent
arm your child with your knowledge
and on a daily basis let them know that life is hard and they can expect certain things from ugly people
but always let them know that your love for them is so completely undying
and you were willing to take the chance to have the honor of raising them

I hope that helps good luck

I guess I am saying your bigger fear with your kids will come from other children not so much the adults one would think they would know better than to ridicule a child

[Ms.Charlotte]

That's such a tough question because attitudes can very so greatly from one region to another. Here in the Bible belt...yikes!

I would think you'd be the best judge of how people in your community would react. Do you attend church? How do people treat you there? Have you talked to school administration?

You'd probably get better responses on the LA forum than on Religion.

[arguy1973]

Originally Posted by brikag

I think the question I should be really asking is that will the religious community would accept our children even though were are homosexual. We live in Los Angeles and have a fairly open-minded religious community. The three schools I speak of are fairly open-minded. I guess my fear is the well being of our future children in such a school. Is this a legit fear?
Thank you again... and for all the kind words above!

Im from the Bible Belt, and would we accept your children? YES, with no hestition. We used to bring three wonderful children from a homosexual couple to church every Sunday, the fact that their parents were lesbians was NEVER an issue.