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Old 06-01-2007, 12:47 AM
 
Location: Debary, Florida
2,267 posts, read 176,902 times
Reputation: 685
I was raised in a Seventh Day Adventist home.

My brother Jeff is my half brother but I don't think of him like that, he and Steve are just my brothers...I am closer to Jeff then Steve however.

My birth Mother is indeed younger, she is 17 years older then I am making her 57.

I was born in March of 1967 in San Diego.

Back then they didn't treat the birth mothers that well, my Mother didn't even know for sure what sex I was, was never allowed to hold me and they lied to her when they gave her details of the family who had adopted me.

One thing I can tell you that is VERY odd, in my adopted family I am the baby of the family, in my birth family, I am the oldest, sort of the prodigal child, I can do no wrong, its a strange change since I was and still am to some degree the scapegoat in my adopted family.
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Old 06-01-2007, 05:52 AM
 
Location: Bridgeville,Pa
4,177 posts, read 6,970,055 times
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My dh is 44 this year and searched for about 6 years. His birth mother has said in letters ; I figured you would never want to look for me after what I did. I always loved you and wonder if you still have your blue eyes. You were the one thing missing from my life.
His birth mother is only 63. His mother is 78 and for the past 8 years has been going downhill.

He may actually call his bio mother this weekend. So I will keep you updated.

dorothy
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Old 06-01-2007, 10:23 AM
 
Location: Debary, Florida
2,267 posts, read 176,902 times
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I don't think I really understood what it might be like for a birth Mother to give up her child until I had my own daughter...it would have ripped my heart out and I don't know if I could have gone on without her. These women are so strong and courageous to be able to do what they have done.
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Old 06-01-2007, 04:58 PM
 
Location: Bridgeville,Pa
4,177 posts, read 6,970,055 times
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Just curious as to what you call your birth mother. Dh asked his and she replied ; Mom, but of course I was not your mum so whatever you are comfortable with is fine with me.

But just curious as to what you call yours.

dorothy
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Old 06-01-2007, 06:11 PM
 
Location: Debary, Florida
2,267 posts, read 176,902 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by okaydorothy View Post
Just curious as to what you call your birth mother. Dh asked his and she replied ; Mom, but of course I was not your mum so whatever you are comfortable with is fine with me.

But just curious as to what you call yours.

dorothy
Her name is Barbara so I call her Barb...it feels strange to call her Mom. She is in fact the same age as my adopted sister.

Maybe over time I will call her Mom...I don't think it bothers her. My daughter calls her Grandma Barb.

I am MORE then happy to answer questions for people, I hope I can shed some light on what things CAN be like for people who have not gone through this but might have to.

If you want to chat with me in private, I use Yahoo Messenger and my name is Lethalfind.
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Old 06-01-2007, 08:24 PM
 
743 posts, read 1,515,779 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa_from_Debary View Post
I don't think I really understood what it might be like for a birth Mother to give up her child until I had my own daughter...it would have ripped my heart out and I don't know if I could have gone on without her. These women are so strong and courageous to be able to do what they have done.
So true.....

At one time I had a bumper sticker on my car "Adoption Is An Option" and some people would comment on how they could never place their baby for adoption, which of course is understandable, especially if you're a mom. But, someone actually once said they would never adopt because they wouldn't know what kind of child they'd be getting....not knowing their "gene pool", they would wonder if they were defective.....that was incredibly ignorant and disrespectful....they go an earful from me
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Old 06-12-2007, 04:39 AM
 
Location: Bridgeville,Pa
4,177 posts, read 6,970,055 times
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Well he called her on saturday evening. Boy was it great. He spoke to her for about an hour ; called her by her first name, got a lot of history of the reason why she had to give him up. She was so apologetic and and was so so happy to hear from him. She had given up on ever hearing from him.
Then she asked to speak to me. She sounded so gentle, again apologized to me for doing what she did. Said we are all welcome at any time.

We may go there in August to visit. I am so happy for my dh as it answers a lot of questions. The most important one was that he was loved and very wanted, but her family and the circumstances gave her no option.
dorothy
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Old 06-12-2007, 06:09 PM
 
Location: California, again...
232 posts, read 539,368 times
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Hi, Please don't be angry about my post......but I really wanted to tell my story.

I am actually a little hesitant to post here, because my story is not about adoption, it is about a "lost" child of my husbands. It is also a story from the "other side", the ones being found....

My husband had a child with his girlfriend when he was 17. The girlfriend in a fit of anger said, you will never know your child and told him to get lost. (He says she had reason to feel the way she did) This was about 35 years ago. He tried to respect her wishes and stayed away, although he did leave contact information with the grandmother. He had always acknowledged to his family that he had a child he didn't know.

About 8 yrs ago, (we have been married over 20 yrs) I received a phone call in the middle of the night from the grandmother. The daughter had located us on her own and was going to call the next day.

To say my husband was stunned would be an understatement, it had been over 25 years since he had heard from anyone in that family. We spoke to the daughter when she called and she proudly stated how she had found us.

She had been using skip tracers and told an acquaintance her dad had borrowed a lot of money from her and then split. She said she was just trying to get some of her money back. The person felt bad for the girl and accessed DMV and other information, inappropriately, on my husband stating he had defaulted on a debt.

When the girl found our former address (we had moved the month previously for work, turned out we had been blocks away from her the whole time) she told the manager of our former apartments the same story. The former manager "accidently" let her see some of our personal info including Social Security numbers which the girl immediately sent to the skip tracer.

On her way out of the apartment complex, she saw the mail the apartment manager was sending back to the post office for forwarding. She took all the mail and contacted the companies trying to find us. ( By the way, while we lived in that area, my name had been listed in the phone book, it wasn't like we were trying to hide. Especially since we have a VERY unusual last name and everyone we have contacted with this name has been related somehow.)

Long and short, she got ahold of my husband and me. The daughter actually seemed kind of incensed that dad had a new family and said she wanted to move closer to us to "get to know him", because it was "her" turn. Actually she showed up with her entire family of 6 and nowhere to go. She begged to stay with us as they were temporarily homeless, "Just for a week you understand", until she and her hubby found a place very nearby where she could visit all she wanted. My husband and I tried very hard to be accommodating, he had a sense of guilt for not being around earlier and thought she needed him.

Months later we were still completely supporting their family and they were perfectly content. It didn't matter how we felt, we "owed" her because my husband was out of the picture when she was born. After 6 months we moved out of our house and started over elsewhere.

She has contacted us from time to time, when she wanted something. Other than that, we have not heard from her since.

It was NOT the best experience
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Old 06-12-2007, 10:21 PM
 
2,835 posts, read 7,147,290 times
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Vesper, that is a very sad story, my heart goes out to you and your husband.
I have been reading these posts as I am thinknig of adopting a teenager, I have 2 teens of my own. I just feel so bad that they have such a small chance of ever having a family to call their own. I'm wondering if that is really true, I guess they really do have families ...somewhere.
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Old 06-13-2007, 12:55 AM
 
743 posts, read 1,515,779 times
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Vesper....thanks for sharing. I have always been very sensitive to the fact that there are living, breathing human beings who have placed children for adoption, have adopted children and those of us who are adopted ourselves.

It's sometimes a lot more complicated an issue that initially meets the eye.
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