Hi, Please don't be angry about my post......but I really wanted to tell my story.
I am actually a little hesitant to post here, because my story is not about adoption, it is about a "lost" child of my husbands. It is also a story from the "other side", the ones being found....
My husband had a child with his girlfriend when he was 17. The girlfriend in a fit of anger said, you will never know your child and told him to get lost. (He says she had reason to feel the way she did) This was about 35 years ago. He tried to respect her wishes and stayed away, although he did leave contact information with the grandmother. He had always acknowledged to his family that he had a child he didn't know.
About 8 yrs ago, (we have been married over 20 yrs) I received a phone call in the middle of the night from the grandmother. The daughter had located us on her own and was going to call the next day.
To say my husband was stunned would be an understatement, it had been over 25 years since he had heard from anyone in that family. We spoke to the daughter when she called and she proudly stated how she had found us.
She had been using skip tracers and told an acquaintance her dad had borrowed a lot of money from her and then split. She said she was just trying to get some of her money back. The person felt bad for the girl and accessed DMV and other information, inappropriately, on my husband stating he had defaulted on a debt.
When the girl found our former address (we had moved the month previously for work, turned out we had been blocks away from her the whole time) she told the manager of our former apartments the same story. The former manager "accidently" let her see some of our personal info including Social Security numbers which the girl immediately sent to the skip tracer.
On her way out of the apartment complex, she saw the mail the apartment manager was sending back to the post office for forwarding. She took all the mail and contacted the companies trying to find us. ( By the way, while we lived in that area, my name had been listed in the phone book, it wasn't like we were trying to hide. Especially since we have a VERY unusual last name and everyone we have contacted with this name has been related somehow.)
Long and short, she got ahold of my husband and me. The daughter actually seemed kind of incensed that dad had a new family and said she wanted to move closer to us to "get to know him", because it was "her" turn. Actually she showed up with her entire family of 6 and nowhere to go. She begged to stay with us as they were temporarily homeless, "Just for a week you understand", until she and her hubby found a place very nearby where she could visit all she wanted. My husband and I tried very hard to be accommodating, he had a sense of guilt for not being around earlier and thought she needed him.
Months later we were still completely supporting their family and they were perfectly content. It didn't matter how we felt, we "owed" her because my husband was out of the picture when she was born. After 6 months we moved out of our house and started over elsewhere.
She has contacted us from time to time, when she wanted something. Other than that, we have not heard from her since.
It was NOT the best experience