I am adopted, I found my biological family when I was in my 20s. (orphan, orphanage) - - Page 6 - City-Data Forum

yankeegirl313 · 05-12-2008, 07:38 PM

We adopted a beautiful boy. He is 9 years old now. He knows that he is adopted, but he isn`t ready to ask questions about it yet, or maybe he just doesn`t want to right now. We have told him that if he ever wants to ask us anything about it, to ask...there is nothing to be ashamed about, and its actually a beautiful story. I think when he is ready, then he will start asking questions, but I`m not going to force the issue and confuse him, if he is content about it...as of right now. I figure, later on down the road, then...we will get the questions, when he is ready to address it.
The Birthmother lost contact with us anyway, after she decided to have another child a year and ahalf after placing him with us.

lmsnuyawka · 05-27-2008, 08:20 PM

Hi, I am also an adopted child. Have made some not so vigorous attempts to find birth mother but with no success, always a dead end. I have my birth name, and my mothers name and some details of my "story" but they lead nowhere. Interested to know how you found someone with connections to help you for free. I am quite a bit older than you so my birth mother would be 82 by now and my birth father would be 92. Good chance that they both are passed away but I would love to find siblings. My adoptive childhood was just fine - no better or worse than any one else's so I don't really have any big issues about finding my "real parents" but I would love to see a person with a family resemblance and know a medical history.

lmsnuyawka · 05-27-2008, 08:26 PM

My parents always told me that everyone else's parents had to take what they got but MY parents got to pick me and I was the absolute best - exactly what they dreamed about and wanted. This worked for me very well throughout my childhood.

Lindsey_Mcfarren · 05-27-2008, 08:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lmsnuyawka

My parents always told me that everyone else's parents had to take what they got but MY parents got to pick me and I was the absolute best - exactly what they dreamed about and wanted. This worked for me very well throughout my childhood.

If you would like some help, you can put your information in the People Search forum, there are some people on there that are really good at finding people. Given your birth Mothers age, it might be a good idea to look while she is still posibly alive.

kpigtina · 08-27-2008, 09:37 PM

sometimes they have their own lives, but begin a search of their own. just maybe they have been looking for you to. but that is your choice if you choose not to look. good luck to you and I dont mean to offend you in anyway. take care.

mom2justynsarah · 08-28-2008, 06:52 AM

One of the best things about having an open adoption (which we have with my daughter's birthparents) is that we have the following information readily available;

Birthmom's SS#, date of birth, (same with birthdad) her maiden name, address, telephone number, her mother's first and last name and address. So needless to say, there is no way that we wouldn't be able to track them down! lol.

Darcie97 · 09-15-2008, 07:37 PM

I am helping my friend do a search to find her daughter. Being a mother of two adopted children this is such an honor for me to help her. I will say that I am overwhelmed...
New to the site...love it
Blessings,

Softtail_Honey · 09-15-2008, 08:47 PM

Well, my husband is 42 and has never met his bio-dad. We have enough info that we think that we could find him, IF he could bring himself to do it. I think the thought of being rejected is too much. All the male "models" for him have left him. His grandpa, who he was very close with died when he was in about 8th grade, he never knew his dad and the guy next door who used to shoot buckets with him(someone that was old enough to be his dad), well, my husband found him dead in the garage when he was in highschool. Hubby's bio dad knows that he has a son but probably does not know hubby's last name, since his step dad adopted him. Oh, and his step dad was 30 years older than his mother and they didn't get along. We can go through the navy and try to locate him or we can check out his adoption records. He hardly ever talks about it but maybe some day he will decide it is right for him. Only HE can make that decision.

mom2justynsarah · 09-17-2008, 07:37 AM

My husband was adopted (born in 1965) from the era of closed adoptions, and sealed records. He was adopted through an attorney (who is now deceased) well known for being part of the "Black Market Adoptions" of the 1960's. From what we understand, the birthmothers may have been told they gave birth to a boy (even if it was a girl), and vice versa. Birthdates were altered, names and other records tampered with, etc. I am hopeful that one day we will have enough money to hire a private detective and lawyer who can finally open his sealed records, and find his birth parents.

Our daughter on the other hand, was adopted through an open adoption plan. So we were chosen to the adptive parents by her birthparents. We are so lucky and grateful to have met her birthparents, siblings, grandmother, couisins, aunts and uncles!! We have our daughter's birthparent's SS numbers, their dob (including siblings), grandmother's address & telephone number, and tons of pictures!

eastidahomom · 09-17-2008, 08:31 AM

I live with both sides of the coin. My father had a son with his first wife whom he allowed the new husband to adopt. We have always known about him and my brother tried very hard to contact him several years ago. I don't know if he didn't want to be contacted (can't blame him really given my dad's reasons for adopting him out) or if he simply never knew that my brother was looking for him. What I do know is that it's a little intimidating. We don't know what he's like. Is he a good guy? A bad guy? He would be about 60 or 61 I think, maybe a little older. I only know that is birthday is on or around February 9th. At least, that's what dad told me. Dad made us promise we wouldn't attempt to find him until after he was gone. He's gone now and I did an internet search after reading this thread. There is someone by the same name who is a Realtor in Fresno and he could pass for my brother. (??)

Alan (his first name) didn't miss anything as far as my father goes. Dad tried sometimes but he could also be very cruel to us (there were 4 other children dad fathered, one died almost 30 years ago and he hadn't spoken to her for two years prior to her death).

By the same token, my ex-husband vanished when I filed for divorce. I terminated parental rights after several years. My youngest looked him up when he was 12. The oldest wanted nothing to do with his father. When his half-sister looked him up, he refused to have anything to do with her, to the point of really hurting her feelings. I finally convinced him to at least be nice and try to talk to her. Eventually he did. They keep in semi-contact via email. But he still will have nothing whatsoever to do with his father.

My youngest has more of a friendship relationship with his father, but I don't think they'll ever be close. What I do know is that his father is very important to him even though he recognizes that his father isn't really capable of being the father he's needed. He also recognizes that his father missed out on a lot and there are certain things that will never belong to him, like grandchildren carrying on the family name (my son has my maiden name and insists that his children will too). His dad reluctantly accepts this.

Wow, sorry for the long post!