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Old 04-30-2013, 02:27 PM
 
509 posts, read 482,898 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thethreefoldme View Post
You are missing the point, which is that it completely unnecessary to change a child's name for some of the excuses that have been given. Just because their name is not American, has a perceived negative connotation, or will be viewed as a "lower-social status" name does not mean their entire lives will be ruined or they cannot be successful (just like Obama did not have to change his name to be successful).
I agree.

I think it all comes down to the parents wanting to name the child what they want. It's not about Anericanizing a name, social status of a name, etc. it's about fulfilling a desire to name a child that would remain unfulfilled otherwise.
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Old 04-30-2013, 02:41 PM
 
1,879 posts, read 1,855,336 times
Reputation: 1462
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
That is one reason. I honestly would not want to have a child with a name that was from a lower social class. Call me a snob. I am. That's fine.

I want my children's names to harmonize. To sound good together. And, I want to name them. I love names and I've read a great deal about names and how the can affect the way others perceive people, as students, employees, and potential partners.

Names are important. It is the first gift that a PARENT bestows on a CHILD.
I have been naming my imaginary brood for decades.
I was limited to one pregnancy. NO ONE is going to limit my ability to name my own child!

NO ONE!
Not even the child?

If your new child IS happy to change their name, then no probs - change their name to your heart's content.

However, you must let them know of your intentions beforehand. It would not be fair to adopt a child and change their name unawares.
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Old 04-30-2013, 03:55 PM
 
1,516 posts, read 1,840,328 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tiffjoy View Post
I agree.

I think it all comes down to the parents wanting to name the child what they want. It's not about Anericanizing a name, social status of a name, etc. it's about fulfilling a desire to name a child that would remain unfulfilled otherwise.
Speak for yourself. I explained our particular motivations for changing the names of our children. It really didn't have anything to do with fulfillment of some unresolved parenting need.

However, I will take the unpopular stance and agree with Sheena on lower class names. There are a few ghetto ethnic names I absolutely can't stand. If the child was younger, I would change it in a heartbeat. If the child were older, I would have to carefully consider it and certainly get the input of the child before making a huge change.

Names are a funny thing. My husband has an unfortunate first and last name which are slang for male reproductive parts. Throughout his whole life, he has been teased. When he introduces himself, people smirk. His first name, an old family name, is a popular ethic name so first they make an assumption about his ethnicity (which he is not) then laugh at the last name. It hasn't been life ruining of course but has caused a multitude of problems over the years. He is really, really sensitive. If my adopted child had a similar situation with a birth name, it would be an easy decision. Or take the birth name as a middle name. Older children of course are a different situation and that would be tricky.
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Old 04-30-2013, 04:00 PM
 
509 posts, read 482,898 times
Reputation: 747
Quote:
Originally Posted by Linmora View Post
Speak for yourself. I explained our particular motivations for changing the names of our children. It really didn't have anything to do with fulfillment of some unresolved parenting need.

However, I will take the unpopular stance and agree with Sheena on lower class names. There are a few ghetto ethnic names I absolutely can't stand. If the child was younger, I would change it in a heartbeat. If the child were older, I would have to carefully consider it and certainly get the input of the child before making a huge change.

Names are a funny thing. My husband has an unfortunate first and last name which are slang for male reproductive parts. Throughout his whole life, he has been teased. When he introduces himself, people smirk. His first name, an old family name, is a popular ethic name so first they make an assumption about his ethnicity (which he is not) then laugh at the last name. It hasn't been life ruining of course but has caused a multitude of problems over the years. He is really, really sensitive. If my adopted child had a similar situation with a birth name, it would be an easy decision. Or take the birth name as a middle name. Older children of course are a different situation and that would be tricky.
I didn't say you did.
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Old 04-30-2013, 04:26 PM
 
Location: Camberville
11,979 posts, read 16,703,857 times
Reputation: 19585
Quote:
Originally Posted by warren zee View Post
If I adopted through American foster care and the kids were named "Trigg" or "Destinee-Dawn", those names would GO. They connote lower social status.

Names are incredibly important. And so is social status. They confer identity. The child has new and permanent parents now. And we don't want a name to be an encumbrance.

An adoption dissolves the parenthood of the first parents.

Our values now prevail, and a name change is as good enough time as any to inculcate our values into the child.
So you hold classism as a family value? Ouch.
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Old 04-30-2013, 04:29 PM
 
1,879 posts, read 1,855,336 times
Reputation: 1462
Quote:
Originally Posted by Linmora View Post
Speak for yourself. I explained our particular motivations for changing the names of our children. It really didn't have anything to do with fulfillment of some unresolved parenting need.

However, I will take the unpopular stance and agree with Sheena on lower class names. There are a few ghetto ethnic names I absolutely can't stand. If the child was younger, I would change it in a heartbeat. If the child were older, I would have to carefully consider it and certainly get the input of the child before making a huge change.

Names are a funny thing. My husband has an unfortunate first and last name which are slang for male reproductive parts. Throughout his whole life, he has been teased. When he introduces himself, people smirk. His first name, an old family name, is a popular ethic name so first they make an assumption about his ethnicity (which he is not) then laugh at the last name. It hasn't been life ruining of course but has caused a multitude of problems over the years. He is really, really sensitive. If my adopted child had a similar situation with a birth name, it would be an easy decision. Or take the birth name as a middle name. Older children of course are a different situation and that would be tricky.
Which is why I personally used the disclaimer "if they have an acceptable name".

So, if an 8 year old girl already has a nice name that she loves like, say, Lily but their new adoptive parents want to change it to Rose (which is nice too) because it is a name the adoptive parents have always wanted to call their child, do you not think the child should have a choice in that? A better compromise would be to ask the child if she would like a new middle name, eg Lily Rose.

If it is an overseas name, eg from Korea, one can ask the child if she would like chose an additional name (vetoing anything too inappropriate) and then put them both on the OBC, eg Rebecca Jae Hwa Smith. If one likes a particular name then one could say so - however, one shouldn't force a name on a child.
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Old 04-30-2013, 04:36 PM
 
1,851 posts, read 2,980,293 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by warren zee View Post
Some names have a social stigma that assigns the bearer to a certain social class. A low class. I don't think that's desirable, and as a parent, I'd protect my child from that at all costs.

Some of the names are really bizarre. And yes, they are a turn off.

Were their parents high?
Actually they were! Some of the names in the article were the names of an alcoholic beverage...crazy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by charolastra00 View Post
Would you change your raised from birth (either biological or adopted) child's name at 2 or 3 because it's your right as a parent? No. So why would you change your older adopted child's name?

It's the right of a parent to PARENT a child. Parenting does not include changing a name that the child recognizes.

As I've mentioned before, my boyfriend grew up in the foster care system and was never adopted, so as I've grown to know him, I've gotten to meet many adult adoptees and former foster care kids. One of his closest friends was adopted as part of a sibling group at 3. All 3 of the children, aged infant to 5, had their names changed. The two oldest already KNEW their names. The two oldest broke ties with the adoptive parents at 18 and have both since legally changed their names back to their birth names - not because they particularly like their birth names (they don't) but because it's so unbelievable to them that someone would have the gall to change their names - especially during the tumultuous adjustment period from living in foster/group homes to having a family.
To your first question. Yes I would. And I believe as a parent that would be my right. Regarding your statement about what parenting includes...I beg to differ. Parents can change the name of their child whether the child recognizes that name or not.

As far as your boyfriend's friends, there was likely other reasons for changing their names back.

Quote:
Originally Posted by susankate View Post
If the child has an acceptable name and wants to keep it, how is it in the child's best interest to change it?


Quote:
Originally Posted by susankate View Post
What if they had decided to change your first name when you were about 8 or so just because they felt like it? Would you have been happy about it?
Yes, I would have been happy about it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by susankate View Post
Letting a kid decide on whether to keep the name they are familiar with and letting a child smoke are hardly equivalent
Actually, they are very equivalent. They both speak to a child's mindset and his inability to see how their actions, as well as the actions of others (such as a bparent's poor name choice) can have long-term and unintended harmful effects on the quality of their life - i.e. being constantly called names in school, not being called for an job interview.

Every person here who is okay with name changes has stated they would allow an older child to have a say in their new name. No one here is disrespecting children in this regard.

Quote:
Originally Posted by warren zee View Post
An adoption dissolves the parenthood of the first parents.
This is exactly what adoption does. I think this fact is lost on this thread. It may be painful to read, but it's the truth.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Green Irish Eyes View Post
Regardless of one's political affiliation, it's difficult to deny that Barak Hussein Obama managed to do alright with an assuredly "un-American" sounding name. He used a nickname in school, as many people do -- even those with "normal" names -- but he didn't legally CHANGE anything.
He also isn't adopted and his name was his father's. Incidentally, Hussein is very popular in American communities with large Middle Eastern, North African, and Muslim populations.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
They can ruin children lives. If you want to read about it, I can send you links.
I agree. Also, if you don't mind, I think a link would be great to demonstrate this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by tiffjoy View Post
I agree.

I think it all comes down to the parents wanting to name the child what they want. It's not about Anericanizing a name, social status of a name, etc. it's about fulfilling a desire to name a child that would remain unfulfilled otherwise.
What's wrong with wanting to name a child you have been entrusted to take care of, with all the responsibilities this entails? How would a desire to name a child remain unfulfilled? One would only have this desire if they wanted children and whether through birth or adoption, those who have children more often than not have named their children.

Last edited by Jaded; 04-30-2013 at 04:41 PM.. Reason: removed some quotes
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Old 04-30-2013, 04:40 PM
 
Location: California
167 posts, read 153,010 times
Reputation: 177
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
That is one reason. I honestly would not want to have a child with a name that was from a lower social class. Call me a snob. I am. That's fine.
What's a name from a lower class? Give some examples...
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Old 04-30-2013, 05:50 PM
 
11,151 posts, read 14,115,713 times
Reputation: 18795
All I can say is that MY name was changed, after I was already used to my birth name. It was changed to a name that was (and still is) a mostly gender-specific name -- and not MY gender -- which led to terrible teasing from my classmates. But it was a family name, and my adoptive parents were bound and determined to make it mine.

Yeah, great decision there.

In my 30's, I made a conscious choice to return to my birth name and it feels like "home." I will never EVER again use the name they gave me and still ponder the possibility of changing it back legally.

But that's just me, and I know that my personal adoptive experience is meaningless, so here's what some others have to say on the topic:

Creating a Healthy Adoption in the Older Child Adoption

Birth Name or New Name - How Parents Name Children After Adoption

Changing Your Child

Changing an Adopted Child's Name - What the real issue is for your child _

Adopting a Toddler, Preschooler or Older Child from Another Country: Part II Names | Adoption Under One Roof

I'm sure there are many more articles out there, and look forward to reading articles with an opposing viewpoint, so I hope someone will post them here.



.
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Old 04-30-2013, 06:30 PM
 
16,567 posts, read 14,008,327 times
Reputation: 20518
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
That is one reason. I honestly would not want to have a child with a name that was from a lower social class. Call me a snob. I am. That's fine.

I want my children's names to harmonize. To sound good together. And, I want to name them. I love names and I've read a great deal about names and how the can affect the way others perceive people, as students, employees, and potential partners.

Names are important. It is the first gift that a PARENT bestows on a CHILD.
I have been naming my imaginary brood for decades.
I was limited to one pregnancy. NO ONE is going to limit my ability to name my own child!

NO ONE!
Wait, the CHILD can be from a lower social class but the name cannot?
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