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Thanks for sharing this. I think the negative impact this can have on a child (especially one who already knows their name) is much more common than some people know.
I think names are much more important to children than people realize. Just look at children's literature and film: Rumplestiltskin, The Little Mermaid, and Chrysanthemum to name a few.
You change the name of a pet that you adopt, not a child (and of course, infants and small, non-name responsive toddlers are a different case).
I think names are much more important to children than people realize. Just look at children's literature and film: Rumplestiltskin, The Little Mermaid, and Chrysanthemum to name a few.
You change the name of a pet that you adopt, not a child (and of course, infants and small, non-name responsive toddlers are a different case).
I honestly wouldn't even rename an older pet if I knew their original name.
I find it interesting that those who agree with changing a child's name also state that a name isn't important. Ok, so if a name isn't important, why would you need to change it?
I believe a name is important, so that's why I don't think you should change an older child's name. The other viewpoint has some inconsistencies in it.
Also, I don't get the "parent's right" attitude. My children are people with their own sets of rights. My rights as a parent have to do with protecting them, teaching them, and raising them to be independent people. It's not a "right" to name a child; as an infant, a person needs a name, so the parents choose. An older child with a name is no longer in need of a name, so there is no "parental right" involved.
I find it interesting that those who are always spouting about how unimportant biology is find it ridiculously important to change a NAME. Even if an older child does not want to.
Why? They say it in their own posts. Because THEY want to. And since they are the parent the child's name is apparently all about the parent.
I think names are much more important to children than people realize. Just look at children's literature and film: Rumplestiltskin, The Little Mermaid, and Chrysanthemum to name a few.
You change the name of a pet that you adopt, not a child (and of course, infants and small, non-name responsive toddlers are a different case).
Names can be identity.
And the only person whose opinion should matter with regard to changing the name of an older child, is that older child. Now maybe legally it doesn't but one thing adoption underscores again and again is that morality and legality frequently do not intersect.
Out of curiosity, did you name your adopted child or let her first parents make that decision?
Her parents didn't want to give her her name (we asked). They told us thay had not thought of any beforehand, but we asked if they would help us if we gave them some options. They said they would, so we provided a few names. They didn't really like any, so we came up with two more and they liked one of those. Then we asked if we could use part of her first mom's name as her middle name, and they really liked that idea.
Along the lines of parental rights, we had a middle name that we really wanted to use that was special to us. But we felt it was more special to use her first mom's name and connect her with her biological parents. I would have loved to use the middle name we had always thought we would use, but I felt that our daughter would appreciate this far more. Naming her wasn't about me. It was about her.
So, we were all involved in the process, and I am very grateful that they participated in naming our (and I use "our" in referring to the four of us) child.
ETA- To be clear, I do not know why her parents didn't want to name her. They said we were her parents and should name her. There may have been very conflicting emotions. They may have had a name that they used between themselves but didn't want to share. Or, they may honestly have not felt it was up to them since they were placing her for adoption. I didn't pry any further than to ask if they were going to name her, and then if they would help us.
I think names are important. Never said that I didn't.
Bad names can ruin a child's life.
If I adopted through American foster care and the kids were named "Trigg" or "Destinee-Dawn", those names would GO. They connote lower social status.
Names are incredibly important. And so is social status. They confer identity. The child has new and permanent parents now. And we don't want a name to be an encumbrance.
An adoption dissolves the parenthood of the first parents.
Our values now prevail, and a name change is as good enough time as any to inculcate our values into the child.
They would also be saying good bye to hunting, fast food, meat in the house (we don't eat it) Walmart, too much Disney and clothes with cartoon characters emblazoned on them.
I think names are important. Never said that I didn't.
Bad names can ruin a child's life.
If I adopted through American foster care and the kids were named "Trigg" or "Destinee-Dawn", those names would GO. They connote lower social status.
Names are incredibly important. And so is social status. They confer identity. The child has new and permanent parents now. And we don't want a name to be an encumbrance.
An adoption dissolves the parenthood of the first parents.
Our values now prevail, and a name is as good enough time as any to inculcate our values into the child.
Ok, so I have no idea how personal values and child names intersect. That's completely unclear to me.
A child's name isn't about their parents, necessarily. It's about the child and their identity.
This whole thing reminds me of "I Love You, Stinky Face." I'd love my children regardless of whatever names they came to me with.
I can't think of one American whose entire life has been ruined because they had a "bad" name. & Let's be honest -- most APs do not change the child's name because they are worried about the original ruining their life.
That is one reason. I honestly would not want to have a child with a name that was from a lower social class. Call me a snob. I am. That's fine.
I want my children's names to harmonize. To sound good together. And, I want to name them. I love names and I've read a great deal about names and how the can affect the way others perceive people, as students, employees, and potential partners.
Names are important. It is the first gift that a PARENT bestows on a CHILD.
I have been naming my imaginary brood for decades.
I was limited to one pregnancy. NO ONE is going to limit my ability to name my own child!
NO ONE!
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