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As we all know, Parenting is the toughest job going. But, the Parents are fault because they quit and committed a crime by sending the child back without "proper" adult supervision. I wonder if the parents will be charged with Child Neglect.
At the same time, the adoption agency should thoroughly investigated. Children are our future and should not be treated like animals.
Everyone involved is guilty. Truthfully, Shameful!!!
My heart is breaking for this boy. First he has to suffer in Russian foster care where he picks up tons of psychological problems, than he gets thrown away like a dog. It will be a miracle if this child grows up to be an okay adult.
Greed and personal irresponsibility at its worst.
A number of years ago, a good friend of my sister, after years of foster-parenting, decided to adopt a 6 year old boy. She already had two or three little kids, so adding one more seemed like the right thing to do.
Shortly after he went to their home, he started the behavior. He put huge holes in the walls by throwing things into them. He had to be watched constantly because he hurt the littler kids. The turning point came when he got ahold of some matches or a lighter and started a fire in a bedroom, saying he was going to burn the house down with everybody in it. He used to say he would kill the family in their sleep.
This family had huge hearts and believed they could give this little boy enough love that he would be ok. He couldn't bond with the family and could not accept what they had to give, yet he wasn't much more than a baby. Until then, I did not know there was a child who couldn't be reached with patience. They had to relinquish him to save their family.
When kids are in institutions and/or foster homes where they are not loved, and cannot bond because of their whole lives are transient, they change to become very, very disturbed sometimes.
One cannot blame the mother for giving up that boy. I'm sure she did everything she could to be a good mother and make him a part of their family. The mistake she made was to put him on the plane without better arrangements at the other end. PUTTING HIM ON A PLANE WAS NOT THE MISTAKE.
This is far from the first time that a child has come from Russia and couldn't bond, only to be left alone in an institution. Even children from here have been sent to foster homes or institutions because of this disorder.
Whatever steps Russia takes as a result of this, they have to take most of the responsibility for it. They had to know the problems this little boy had before he was adopted. They revealed nothing to the mother.
She simply and effectively gave Russia the responsibility for a boy they should have been honest about. Maybe as a result, people here will be more careful when adopting older children overseas.
A number of years ago, a good friend of my sister, after years of foster-parenting, decided to adopt a 6 year old boy. She already had two or three little kids, so adding one more seemed like the right thing to do.
Shortly after he went to their home, he started the behavior. He put huge holes in the walls by throwing things into them. He had to be watched constantly because he hurt the littler kids. The turning point came when he got ahold of some matches or a lighter and started a fire in a bedroom, saying he was going to burn the house down with everybody in it. He used to say he would kill the family in their sleep.
This family had huge hearts and believed they could give this little boy enough love that he would be ok. He couldn't bond with the family and could not accept what they had to give, yet he wasn't much more than a baby. Until then, I did not know there was a child who couldn't be reached with patience. They had to relinquish him to save their family.
When kids are in institutions and/or foster homes where they are not loved, and cannot bond because of their whole lives are transient, they change to become very, very disturbed sometimes.
One cannot blame the mother for giving up that boy. I'm sure she did everything she could to be a good mother and make him a part of their family. The mistake she made was to put him on the plane without better arrangements at the other end. PUTTING HIM ON A PLANE WAS NOT THE MISTAKE.
This is far from the first time that a child has come from Russia and couldn't bond, only to be left alone in an institution. Even children from here have been sent to foster homes or institutions because of this disorder.
Whatever steps Russia takes as a result of this, they have to take most of the responsibility for it. They had to know the problems this little boy had before he was adopted. They revealed nothing to the mother.
She simply and effectively gave Russia the responsibility for a boy they should have been honest about. Maybe as a result, people here will be more careful when adopting older children overseas.
I agree with you. The only point where I differ is that the failure to bond may not always be caused by foster care/institutionalization and transience. Sometimes, such children are born with disorders that prevent bonding or cause severe behavioral problems. Some disorders can be parent-caused, like fetal alcohol syndrome. In fact, my understanding is that many orphaned Russian children suffer from this.
I feel for the child. And, despite her mistake in desparately disregarding his welfare in the end, I also feel for the mother. What in the world happened that made her feel she had no other choice?
I don't see why people feel the need to adopt from foreign countries when there is thousands of foster kids here in the US. Although, a friend of mine tried to adopt a child from Russia (it never worked out) and she said the conditions of the orphanage were horrible. It's been proven that Russian children who've been adopted are more to prone to behavioral problems so I can see why this kid could have been a handful. BUT - this isn't a dog we're talking about here! You can't just send him back to the orphanage!!
People are so irresponsible these days.. at the very least they could have put him up for adoption here in the US where he would have had a chance at a good life. However we don't know the full story.. perhaps these people had tried counselling or behavioral therapy and nothing had worked. I'm not trying to excuse the incident, but like I said, we don't know the whole story.
Because they want a white infant, and there are NOT thousands of white infants here in the US.
A number of years ago, a good friend of my sister, after years of foster-parenting, decided to adopt a 6 year old boy. She already had two or three little kids, so adding one more seemed like the right thing to do.
Shortly after he went to their home, he started the behavior. He put huge holes in the walls by throwing things into them. He had to be watched constantly because he hurt the littler kids. The turning point came when he got ahold of some matches or a lighter and started a fire in a bedroom, saying he was going to burn the house down with everybody in it. He used to say he would kill the family in their sleep.
This family had huge hearts and believed they could give this little boy enough love that he would be ok. He couldn't bond with the family and could not accept what they had to give, yet he wasn't much more than a baby. Until then, I did not know there was a child who couldn't be reached with patience. They had to relinquish him to save their family.
When kids are in institutions and/or foster homes where they are not loved, and cannot bond because of their whole lives are transient, they change to become very, very disturbed sometimes.
One cannot blame the mother for giving up that boy. I'm sure she did everything she could to be a good mother and make him a part of their family. The mistake she made was to put him on the plane without better arrangements at the other end. PUTTING HIM ON A PLANE WAS NOT THE MISTAKE.
This is far from the first time that a child has come from Russia and couldn't bond, only to be left alone in an institution. Even children from here have been sent to foster homes or institutions because of this disorder.
Whatever steps Russia takes as a result of this, they have to take most of the responsibility for it. They had to know the problems this little boy had before he was adopted. They revealed nothing to the mother.
She simply and effectively gave Russia the responsibility for a boy they should have been honest about. Maybe as a result, people here will be more careful when adopting older children overseas.
There ARE children who cannot be reached. Children develop a conscience and empathy for others around the age of four of five. If they don't develop it then, they never will. That's how sociopaths are made. A book I was reading by a psychiatrist once pointed that out, and he said it's something people just do not want to hear and accept. He mentioned these types of people as one of two that cannot be helped by psychiatry or anything else (the other was the paranoid delusional person.) These are the kids who grow up to be teenagers who have no problem bashing in the skull of an old lady for three bucks.
Another way I once saw these children described were as cakes that have been baked but the salt was left out. You cannot go back and sprinkle salt over the top of a baked cake and think that will fix it.
I don't blame the mother for wanting to get rid of this kid. Keeping him sounds like a recipe for a future of hell. However, it would have been nicer if she'd made better arrangements, yes.
The Russian boy in this story is 7 years old. He was adopted 6 months ago.
There are plenty of 7 year old white children in the United States needing homes.
The adoptive parents may have gone to Russia because they didn't pass American standards.
Considering how badly they handled his return to Russia, I wouldn't be surprised.
OH, OK, I was just responding in general to the question of why people go for foreign adoptions, but it doesn't apply in this case, of course, or the case of older children in general.
You may be right about the standards. It sounds as if she used the same approach as one would returning a coat that didn't fit!
Some news stations report from only one angle. Making this adoptive mother really evil. Ya know the old saying, "there's always two sides to the story".
Let's flip that for a moment. The Russian adoption agency gave this child the green light for being a prospective candidate. Some time ago, I saw a
'20/20 Special' on Russian adoption agencies and the centers where the kids were dumped or left off by their own parents, others born into the system as a result of bad circumstances. The special focused on the high percentage of children that were afflicted with mental disorders.
Some of these kids weren't even touched or held for even more than 5 mins except to possibly change their diapers. I'm not saying all these children would turn out this way but a huge majority of them were
going to have mental issues - the degree of such, even today, remains in question.
If the child in this case was about 6 years old when he was adopted, surely the agency must have had some kind of idea his mental state?
Did they know but failed to disclose? Is that not a reason to contest the contract between the agency and the US adoptive mother? Misrepresentation?
What I haven't heard much on - yet, was did the US adoptive woman take the child to psychologist/child behavior specialists in the U.S. and how often? Did she get the specialist's analysis of the child's mental state in writing for proof to the Russian adoption agency? Perhaps the doctor could determine [after several visits] the time period when the child began exhibiting that behavior?
Should the US adoptive mother, herself, flown WITH the child back to Russia? I did hear that she made arrangements to have someone watch over the child while on a plane and that she made financial arrangements to have someone pick the child up at the airport and drive to the agency. How would she know for sure whether that person would actually do that and not just take the money? Really only heard the news thus far blab on about the US adoptive mother dropping the kid off at the airport.
I hope this child gets the help that is needed and they don't turn out to be a murderer by arson.
I wondered when the era of disposable children was going to begin . I guess it now has begun . I swear I still dont think we know enough about this particular case to form an opinion . I would like to learn more before I make a blatant statement . the press has said that this woman lives in what they deemed to be a compound . Im sorry but it looked like a farm and it sounds as though she stays to herself alot and therefore she is deemed to live on a compound and the press also commented on how high the fences are . Well anybody who has ever lived on a farm knows that the fences are high to keep the animals in . The press makes alot of judgements about people that they dont know to be fact . Oh well guess we will learn more in the coming weeks .
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