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I think that may be easier said than done. My bro and wifes oldest is not his biologically. They agonized over telling him when he was younger, but just could not bring themselves to. He will soon be an adult and still dosent know.
My cousin was adopted as a baby, she was told when she was 21. No problems, she was mature and emotionally available to accept it. She still considered my cousins to be her parents, and we still consider her to be our cousin, as well as her kids.
My cousin was adopted as a baby, she was told when she was 21. No problems, she was mature and emotionally available to accept it. She still considered my cousins to be her parents, and we still consider her to be our cousin, as well as her kids.
From what I have seen, people get more frustrated when this is revealed to them at a much later age. People are different though. Good thing it worked out for your cousin.
See, this is what I'm talking about. Because sooner or later she WILL find out, and the situation will be much, much, worse then.
I'm not going to tell her, but I want to make sure he frees himself of this guilt and tell her.
I think that's the burden that your boyfriend will have to keep, since the decision is up to him. The only thing you can do for him is to support him whatever decision he makes and help him get through it.
The girl deserves to know. I believe most adoptees would want to be told, however, I can understand the reluctance and waiting for the right time that never happens. The longer it remains a secret, the more difficult it becomes to give her the news. The more ppl who know, the higher the chances she'll here it first from someone other than her father.
Personally, I would have prepared the child for this news from at least around 7 years old. I can't even begin to understand how you can allow a child to live a lie all this time.
I agree. I've never considered adopting so this situation has been the closest I've come to thinking about the repercussions of not telling. I think this woman will go to her grave not knowing. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing at this point. I know I'm not going to tell her.
To the OP, maybe there is a support group for adopted children/adoptive parents you can go to for more insight? It would be interesting to hear an adopted adult's position on it.
I absolutely think she has a right to know. In so many cases we ARE our genetics and knowing one's family medical history could one day prove to be critically important.
I don't know. I really wish I didn't know. I'm a Christian and carrying these type of secrets around really hurts me. I feel like I'm carrying a huge burden on me.
Oh, and I just knew about this. He didn't say anything initially, but now that we are making plans for future, he decided to tell me. He's on the fence about this, his family seems to want him to continue keeping this a secret.
The statement I bolded above makes me wonder...if you were able to figure it out in whatever amount of time you've been with him - is it possible that she may have figured it out as well? Kids of ANY age pick things up wayyy easier than some adults think they do.
If it's possible that she may know - or wonder - then it may be best for her to be told the truth. She may not feel comfortable outright asking about it. She may think that surely someone would have told her by now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissLucky
See, this is what I'm talking about. Because sooner or later she WILL find out, and the situation will be much, much, worse then.
I'm not going to tell her, but I want to make sure he frees himself of this guilt and tell her.
I know how this is probably going to sound and I want to preface it by saying I truly mean no disrespect and certainly don't mean to be rude - but it isn't about freeing him of the guilt, it's about a young lady's life possibly being turned upside down. Please don't allow him to act selfishly and tell her for the purpose of making himself feel better.
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