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Old 04-27-2010, 12:25 PM
 
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Or is it better to just keep quiet?

My BF thinks it's better to just leave it as it is, while I on the other hand think the girl needs to know.

What do you guys think?

 
Old 04-27-2010, 12:29 PM
 
Location: NYC
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How are you related to the adoptee?
 
Old 04-27-2010, 12:33 PM
 
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My boyfriend's daughter.
 
Old 04-27-2010, 12:36 PM
 
Location: In my skin
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I know someone who was adopted and in her 30's now. She has no idea. The reasoning her parents gave for keeping it a secret was that they didn't want her to ever feel like she was different or not part of the family.

Most people I know who were adopted actually know about it. I don't know that I would be able to keep it a secret. And I don't know when the best time to tell them would be. Even as an adult, it could be a huge blow. I'd have to consider the emotional maturity and stability of the adoptee.
 
Old 04-27-2010, 12:37 PM
 
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I think that's your boyfriend's call, not yours. But I think it's a good idea.
 
Old 04-27-2010, 12:37 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
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I think she has a right to know she is adopted.....unless he and her adoptive mom kept this from her for specific reasons that existed at the time she was adopted.....or if they continue to keep it from her because her mental health might be fragile enough to avoid telling her at this time.....

Hard to say without knowing some more background info....but if she's a normal, healthy, confident 23 year old woman, with a solid relationship with him and her adopted mom - I would think she deserves to know from them. If you put yourself in the her shoes, what would you want?

(Agree with PasstheChocolate - we were posting at the same time or I wouldn't have repeated her post....)
 
Old 04-27-2010, 12:37 PM
 
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It's none of your business. That said, it stinks that YOU know, but the DAUGHTER doesn't. What is the father thinking?
 
Old 04-27-2010, 12:38 PM
 
Location: Arizona
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This could be devastating for her, but she has a right to know. As an adult female who is starting her family, it is very important for me to have an accurate picture of my family's history (ancestral and medical). I would expect her to ignore her parents for awhile, until she has time to deal with it in her own way.
 
Old 04-27-2010, 12:41 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rottnboys View Post
I think she has a right to know she is adopted.....unless he and her adoptive mom kept this from her for specific reasons that existed at the time she was adopted.....
Oh, actually thank you for mentioning that. It's her mom that insisted on this situation kept a secret. She cannot have her own kids for some reason and feel like if the girl knew she was not her real mother, she will despise her. I just think it's unfair though. If she raised the child with love and care as her very own, how can she despise her just because she is not the real mom?
 
Old 04-27-2010, 12:44 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sayulita View Post
It's none of your business. That said, it stinks that YOU know, but the DAUGHTER doesn't. What is the father thinking?
I don't know. I really wish I didn't know. I'm a Christian and carrying these type of secrets around really hurts me. I feel like I'm carrying a huge burden on me.

Oh, and I just knew about this. He didn't say anything initially, but now that we are making plans for future, he decided to tell me. He's on the fence about this, his family seems to want him to continue keeping this a secret.
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