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Old 06-11-2007, 06:33 PM
 
2,833 posts, read 9,784,003 times
Reputation: 1658

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I constantly think about this, my kids are 15 and 19, I would want someone in between that age, preferably a boy as I have 2 girls. Am I out of my mind? I have so many questions for someone who has already done this.
I have always wanted more kids, and my heart breaks knowing the kids of this age group are ahrd to place and will have no chance of having a family very soon.
Anyone?
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Old 06-11-2007, 06:48 PM
 
Location: Vancouver, Canada
550 posts, read 2,588,112 times
Reputation: 530
Bless your heart for wanting to do this! I hope you find someone who can convince you! I am a trained youth care worker so have seen a lot of these poor kids who are so alone in the world. I wish I could adopt them all.
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Old 06-18-2007, 04:09 PM
 
42 posts, read 175,015 times
Reputation: 66
Default no experience, but all my admiration and respect

PA Lover,

My husband (a PA native) and I are in the process of adopting two children from Ethiopia. We are hoping for young siblings since we have no biological children at this time.

I applaud your decision to adopt an older child and I wish you the best.
You can always share your concerns and wishes with your social worker during the home study phase. Your concerns and thoughts are valid and the social worker can advise.

BEST WISHES!
-2 NC teachers

P.S. You're not out of your mind.
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Old 07-06-2007, 09:39 PM
 
Location: Union County, NC
2,115 posts, read 6,447,979 times
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One piece of advice, should you proceed, don't adopt out of birth order. I thought people were crazy for telling me this but there's a lot of wisdom in that statement, particularly for first time adoptive parents. The adopted child should be the youngest in your home, if it can be helped.

Also, be truthful to yourself about what you cannot accept in a child and stick to it.

Good luck!

Sincerely,

Sara
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Old 07-07-2007, 01:16 AM
 
16,482 posts, read 21,070,664 times
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I do not have experience in adopting an older child through fostercare, but I think it is wonderful you are considering it. Just keep in mind that generally a child that age has been through a lot. It is likely they have lived in many foster homes and been through more than you can imagine. I am a complete supporter of adoption, but I would make sure if you do this that the child lives with you awhile (a few months at least) before you move forward with an adoption plan. You want to make sure this is the right choice for everyone. Good luck!!!
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Old 07-07-2007, 06:48 AM
 
Location: In the sunshine on a ship with a plank
3,413 posts, read 7,996,291 times
Reputation: 2219
I've been considering the same. I have a teen aged son and would like to bring an elementary school aged child into my home. I'm not leaning toward either particular gender- it's something that my son and I would need to decide and I would be inclined to decide based upon which child would be the best fit. I would definitely want a child from America though.

I too am concerned with prior problems of the child bringing dysfunction and chaos into the household- not that I couldn't handle it, but I have to consider what is fair to my son. Any new child is going to create changes, but I know some situations are worse than others.

Florida has an adoption program (from the foster system) that is virtually no charge to the adoptive parents. I'm curious if anyone has used that and how they feel about the follow up support as well as the challenges involved.
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Old 02-14-2008, 12:47 AM
 
7 posts, read 21,766 times
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[url=http://www.adoptive-parenting.com/older-child-adoption.html]Older Child Adoption[/url]
lots of insight from people who have been there.
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Old 02-22-2008, 12:24 PM
 
Location: Bora Bora: Vava'u.
738 posts, read 1,694,609 times
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Hello,
Back in 2001, i adopted a 5yo who was abused, neglected, tortured by her biological family. Any child in the foster care system has some type of "history".

I have two older children, and I missed the "younger" days. Felt compelled to somehow help a child in a desperate situation and try to give the child the love, security and safeness that we as humans deserve and expect.

It has been almost 7 years. The years have been very difficult-filled with alot of pain, stress, anguish, failure, every emotion or feeling available. This child has so many issues due to her history or background. She has been diagnosed with several mental disorders and is in counseling. It is one of the hardest and most challenging things that i have ever encountered.

Do I regret it? Depending on the day and the events of that day, YES.

In my heart, I know that she is better off now then if she would have been left in her biological environment. I pray to God on a daily basis for his strength. I take it one day at a time.

There is no guarantee what she will turn out to be when she gets older. It will be her choices and her decisions that will impact her life but because of the horrible childhood, its not promising. She lived in hell for 5 years. She saw things that are unimaginable. Can not even comprehend what actually occurs in this world to these children.

It is very hard. It is very demanding.
But at least she has a chance..........
God bless you
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Old 02-23-2008, 01:09 PM
 
1,628 posts, read 5,892,599 times
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I have bio children and have adopted, but my child was young when I adopted him. Having been on listservs for several years now for adoptive parents with children from Ethiopia, I have learned a few things...

1. Despite what a poster above said, MANY people adopt out of birth order with no problem (although this does not seem to be what you want to do anyway).

2. Something which seems to influence adjustment a lot is, as expected, the child's previous experiences. So, for instance, many older Ethiopian children are adopted with far far fewer issues than older children being adopted from other countries. Why? Because for the most part these children were brought up in very loving families. They have been taken to an orphanage b/c of the death of their caretakers or b/c of extreme poverty, but not b/c they are "not wanted" and have usually not been abused, not spent much time at all in an orphanage. They enter the orphanage and if they are lucky are quickly adopted. These children are not "institutional" children as many are in other countries. They are not brought up in the orphanage. They suffer great grief but not RAD or any of the other things which could make life permanently miserable for all involved. Of course some people are strong enough to handle these children and more power to them, but if you are not looking for a particularly difficult transition...children who have loved, been loved, know how to love, been brought up in a loving family generally adjust much better.

3. The families know that the children are more likely to be adopted if they are younger. Therefore, many children are told to say they are younger than they actually are. Others do not know their age (most Ethiopians do not have birth certs, were not born in hospitals, etc) and guess incorrectly. Over and over and over I have heard the child has a huge growth spurt once well-nourished in the US, and once they learn the language it becomes apparent they are 2-3 years older than thought.

This is obviously specific to Ethiopia, but I can say that after much thought and consideration of an older child, Ethiopia is one of the places I would feel most comfortable b/c of the background of the older children.

I wish you the best!

ps--if you are interested in adopting an older child from Ethiopia, I would suggest contacting AAI in WA State. Their focus is older child adoption in Ethiopia and they have MANY families who you could speak with about it. They also have great resources and lots of experience. They are very honest and will tell you "how it is." I used them for my infant adoption but really their strength lies in their older child adoption program.
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