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Old 09-23-2012, 01:33 PM
 
Location: La lune et les étoiles
17,611 posts, read 19,046,624 times
Reputation: 18919

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Quote:
Originally Posted by stephei2000 View Post
It is funny and bizarre. I had to laugh at myself. Here the truth as I just realized this morning. I am afraid of being rejected as most people are and I also will drop in somebody in five seconds as I have never really been on a second date.

For example, I think I saw this white guy trying to smile at me which is rare in Chicago btw, but I turned away and looked down. Also, I met this other person this weekend from a friend of friend but I was not interested and ended up turning him down for invitation. He was Puerto Rican, attractive but way too young for me.

Lastly, I am in city where there is a lot to do, but I am not interested in most of the activities it offers. I am more of outdoor activity day person.
Chicago is more a of nightlife lets drink even though I do like to dance.

Also, I am feeling low because I have gained about 25 lbs since I have been here for six months. Mostly emotional eating but also health nerve problem which has messed up my nerve hunger and full signals.

So I gain weight, I feel bad, do not go out and then eat some more which is a bad cycle.
The only thing that saves me is that I am very tall, still exercise at times, and have a through understanding of nutrition. Also, I do know when to stop and how to count calories.

But if I do not feel thin, hot, and I feel like if can't beat the competition I tend to shy away. Also, I do not living around a bunch of young people not like I want to live around a bunch of old people and married couples. But every young person I see to me feels like one big competition, and I feel like I have to be and look better than her.
It drives me crazy I guess as I am trying to beat everyone. At least not being around a bunch of successful 20s and 30s olds, I can focus myself and not on others. Lastly, If I met people who were interested in more the same activities, it would not be so bad either.

Basically when I go out, I am sizing everyone up, and I guess I need a certain amount of attention to feed my ego. But I am learning it is best to try to be your true self and hopefully these things will eventually not matter.

The OP might be experiencing some of these same things, but may not realize it or maybe not.
My sister has some similar problems because she is quote my typical black. She does not like it and is always comparing herself to me.
I think that you have answered ALL of your own questions with this post. And by the way, we are always our own worst critics.

Also, stop trying to "compete" with everyone else because there will ALWAYS be someone who is prettier, smarter, richer, thinner, etc than you are. Insecure people "compete" with others and confident people "compete" with the better version of themselves.

 
Old 09-23-2012, 03:45 PM
 
895 posts, read 1,177,019 times
Reputation: 466
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marissy View Post
This sounds so sick. I am a black woman, and I love it when men of any race pay me attention. I have had professional white guys (young and old) be attracted to me, and others who just ignored me completely. I have attracted blacks, asians, indians, arabs, etc. etc. blah blah blah. But I don't set out to get one particular group's attention. And I certainly don't feel validated just because a white guy wearing a suit smiles at me. That is just...uh.

Hey, I know of a professional white guy who talks about drinking and hangovers all the time like a frat boy. Definitely not a catch.

I do not like that type either. However, it is flattering if I receive attention from that person.
Also where do you live. In Chicago on the northside, people are different races barely talk to each other let alone flirt.
 
Old 09-24-2012, 08:24 AM
 
1,055 posts, read 2,122,590 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stephei2000 View Post
I do not like that type either. However, it is flattering if I receive attention from that person.
Also where do you live. In Chicago on the northside, people are different races barely talk to each other let alone flirt.
North Carolina, around Raleigh.
 
Old 09-24-2012, 06:47 PM
Status: "I hate living in Georgia!!" (set 14 days ago)
 
48,211 posts, read 45,506,708 times
Reputation: 15341
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marissy View Post
North Carolina, around Raleigh.
The Deep South. I wouldn't be too surprised. There is a history regarding bad race relations in the South. Chicago isn't much better either.
 
Old 09-25-2012, 11:51 AM
 
Location: Montgomery Village
4,120 posts, read 3,835,980 times
Reputation: 1695
Quote:
Originally Posted by stephei2000 View Post
It is an ego problem or as a college professor stated one time. She needs a "ego massage"
It is not enough that someone is attracted to her. Everyone needs to feel that her look is universally attractive to feel good. If you need everyone's male approval to feel good, it will turn into or look like low self-esteem as this is impossible since everyone has different tastes.

I know how she feels. It is an ego boost for if a educated professional white man is attracted to me versus other races.
I am old enough to at least understand this and figure it out. People like me and her care about what is around us instead of what is in front of us.

I am even like this socially and physical environment. I like beauty physical environments like mountains and hills. It inspires me. In addition, I do not see the point of going out to just hang to stand around and hang with friends at a bar or whatever. If I go out, I want to mingle, flirt, talk with different people not just stare at my friends all day. I like the boost of going out and getting attention. What the point of hanging out just to stare at your friends.
So basically what you are saying is that both you and nyanna are low self esteem black women who only feel validation from getting attention from strangers. Common symptoms of being an attention wh*re.

PS - Usually when people hang out with their friends, they converse instead of stare. Try it sometime.
 
Old 09-25-2012, 12:13 PM
 
895 posts, read 1,177,019 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by btsilver View Post
So basically what you are saying is that both you and nyanna are low self esteem black women who only feel validation from getting attention from strangers. Common symptoms of being an attention wh*re.

PS - Usually when people hang out with their friends, they converse instead of stare. Try it sometime.
Yeah, I do that too. I do not want creepy stares. It just makes more sense to me when you go out, you should mingle with as many people as possible not just talk with your group.
What was the point of getting out if you are just talking with friends not mingling with other people.
 
Old 09-25-2012, 12:16 PM
 
895 posts, read 1,177,019 times
Reputation: 466
Quote:
Originally Posted by green_mariner View Post
The Deep South. I wouldn't be too surprised. There is a history regarding bad race relations in the South. Chicago isn't much better either.

Actually, I think it is better in the South than in parts of Chicago. I mean the poster stated that she receives attention from men of all races.

This generally does not happen in Chicago.
 
Old 09-25-2012, 12:18 PM
 
895 posts, read 1,177,019 times
Reputation: 466
Quote:
Originally Posted by calipoppy View Post
I think that you have answered ALL of your own questions with this post. And by the way, we are always our own worst critics.

Also, stop trying to "compete" with everyone else because there will ALWAYS be someone who is prettier, smarter, richer, thinner, etc than you are. Insecure people "compete" with others and confident people "compete" with the better version of themselves.
But it is horrible living around so many 20s and 30s olds successful people just walking around you. It is impossible not to compare. I do not even like living around these people because it is all about drinking and being quote "hot."For me, I know myself, and I will have to eventually move back to suburbs with older different people so I can fix myself physically and not be so wrapped up in other. But this is way off topic.
 
Old 09-25-2012, 12:36 PM
Status: "I hate living in Georgia!!" (set 14 days ago)
 
48,211 posts, read 45,506,708 times
Reputation: 15341
Quote:
Originally Posted by stephei2000 View Post
Actually, I think it is better in the South than in parts of Chicago. I mean the poster stated that she receives attention from men of all races.

This generally does not happen in Chicago.
I live in the South, and from my own opinion, I don't think it is really better. In the South, at least the parts I've been to, there is a sense of "know your place" when it comes to race.
 
Old 09-25-2012, 12:52 PM
 
895 posts, read 1,177,019 times
Reputation: 466
Quote:
Originally Posted by green_mariner View Post
I live in the South, and from my own opinion, I don't think it is really better. In the South, at least the parts I've been to, there is a sense of "know your place" when it comes to race.
That's funny that is the undertone I get in Chicago also. I am originally from Detroit, but African Americans are pretty arrogant thing. The vibe is we run this place even if we dont know how.

However in Chicago white people still have control and did not run out like Detroit. African Americans tend to act a certain way of low self esteem here and "the know your place is more subtle here", but as an African American female I can feel it.

I did not suffer hardly any weird self esteem issues until I move there.
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